Does your husband/partner apologise?

[Isthisforreal2025]

Mine only does if he believes he is wrong.. the problem is he hardly ever believes he's wrong, even at times when he DEFINITELY is. He can literally go weeks/months not speaking to me, all because he is convinced I am in the wrong, which becomes very lonely and isolating. Anyone else experience the same and how do you deal with it? I can simply just apologise in order to keep the peace, even when I am not in the wrong, but I have been doing this for years and its slowly building an emotional barrier - at least from my side. To me, the ability to simply ignore someone until they admit they are 'wrong', and be so uncaring in the process, does not feel like unconditional love. Of course its difficult for everyone to reply without having the full picture but in my view, you can't possibly love someone unconditionally when your actions during the silence say otherwise. Can men really be that stubborn? Should I simply apologise for the sake of peace? AIBU?

My ex would do this and sulk, ghosting me for days when he was in a mood. Sometimes after arguing with other people and not even me!

I would make contact and pander to his childishness until I had enough.
This is emotional abuse and he has no respect for you or your feelings.
I left as I knew it would always be like this and I couldn’t live my life treading on eggshells.
I hope you consider doing the same. A stress free life is bliss.

DH would apologise even if he thought I was 100% in the wrong just to keep the peace. I'm shocked your H can go weeks/months without speaking to you. That is really abusive. I always apologise too.

My DH struggles to apologise because of a hypercritical father. He tries and is working on it. And does a better job now.

If he ignored me for a 10th the time yours does, he would be single. Why are you not ending the relationship?

Sympathies OP, this sounds a tough and isolating position to be in. But justifying the silence as your fault is classic abusive behaviour. I read an interview with a physically abused woman who described how her ex-husband would always explain that SHE had brought about the beatings he delivered through her bad behaviour.

Ugg he sounds absolutely awful. The silent treatment is abusive. As others have said, it’s nothing to do with thinking he’s right or wrong, it’s about controlling you.
fwiw my husband does apologise, readily, whether he thinks he’s right or wrong, as do I. We rarely argue but if either raises their voice or speaks harshly, we’ll quickly apologise. We love each other and hate bad feeling between us.

Oh yes, this all day long.

I couldn't cope with that OP. How awful for you to have to tolerate that treatment in your own home from someone who is meant to love and support you. He sounds a right tosser.

My husband does apologise, yes. Its me who has to check myself and dig deep after an argument, as I find it harder to say I was wrong.

You don't seem to be addressing the fact that silent treatment is abusive. Google it. It is a way to condition you to behave a certain way and it works because you apologise even when you know you shouldn't.

It is hard to be told that you are in an abusive relationship but you are. I agree Lundy Bancroft online PDF, you don't even have to buy the book, but read it. Why Does He Do That? so you can at least understand what is happening to you.

You deserve better.

Sounds just like my husband ! It’s exhausting isn’t it .

The question you have put in the title of your thread, is COMPLETELY different from what you have described here:
He can literally go weeks/months not speaking to me, all because he is convinced I am in the wrong, which becomes very lonely and isolating

I mean, I was prepared to have a discussion about your title question, but this 'months of not speaking' is just ridiculous.
If my dh didn't want to speak to me for more than an hour or so, he wouldn't be my husband.
The trying to turn everything round as if it is your fault, is abusive..

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through the same. I go through periods of sadness and periods of anger as to how my husband can treat me like this, replaying things in my head.

It definitely is!!

Yes I think in many ways I am, but whenever things finally improve, I put it to the back of my mind.

I hope you've found someone who treats you much better now.

I would rather not get them involved and worry them.

Yes he does. Not often. Because there generally isn’t any need for apologies. Mostly stuff like “did you get the tea bags?” “Och sorry babes, forgot, I’ll go to the corner shop to get some”

thinking back, earlier in our relationship he could be quite moody, but rarely in the last ten yearsn

I couldn't cope with this for an evening, never mind days, weeks or months. You know it's not right OP. It's no way to live.

My ex was like this, it was horrible. My boyfriend now is the complete opposite and will apologise. Sometimes we have heated debates but haven't argued. Usually we just agree to stop speaking for 10 mins to chill out and then end up both apologising (depending on the context of the discussion/who was wrong whatever). This isn't normal behaviour.

DH apologises profusely, even when he hasn't done things wrong. I do the same. My mum growing up wouldn't apologise for anything, even when very wrong. It was awful to see growing up, and it was learned by my sister. All I can say is it must be very hard being so right all of the time (joking). Marriage counselling would be my go to for trying to fix this at all. Otherwise, frankly it is unbearable, and if you have children, remember that he is teaching them a horrible trait.

I had and ex, who did this to me. This is bullying and not acceptable behaviour.
he will always think he has the upper hand by controlling you in to being passive. It is intimidation!

Everyone's personality is different. There's some things about my DH that would drive others mad, but if I'm upset he will apologise no matter who was wrong.

May I ask if you have children and if so, whether they have mirrored this behaviour? I worry that my children are starting to.

Please read ‘is this even abuse’. There will be much more going on than the silent treatment (which as already said is abuse in its own right) good luck op xx

He's treating you like a door mat.
He knows what he's doing and is a bully.
He will continue to treat you like this until u stand up to him. He DOES NOT respect you.
Time to find someone to help you work out an escape plan.

I would also say that this sounds abusive. If my partner didn't think he was wrong about something, he'd engage in more discussion to try and understand each other better so that we could get on the same page.

Sometimes we just drop it and put the disagreement down to stress if it's over something silly and clearly been made worse by external factors, like lack of sleep or a difficult day.

There are some things that are wrong in black and white (e.g. cheating, lying etc) but other than that I think everyone has their own experience of a relationship when conflict arises, it isn't about finding who is right and who is wrong but about building a bridge between the two of you.