Ex’s friends and family spying on me on Facebook

[Doolallyally]

Separated from ex recently and I’ll be moving out soon. Ex has been receiving screen shots and messages about my Facebook posts - one was when I took our youngest out for food (She’s up to something!) another was taking our teen out for the day on a very hot day (she shouldn’t be taking him out in that heat!)

the latest - I shared a photo of a new book - Women Living Deliciously - it’s a great book and I shared inspirational quotes from it - feminist stuff about living your best life and respecting boundaries etc. I am leaving due to emotional abuse and found the statements powerful and positive. Ex’s friend screen shotted my post saying WTF! and how insensitive I was being? To me the book is hugely inspiring especially how much crap I have put up with and how I’m trying to lose my people pleasing ways! Was I insensitive and rude considering I’m moving out very soon? I did not intend it to be passive aggressive. I’m the one who ended the marriage. Thanks.

I'd have fun: post pics of tropical holiday brochures, flying first class. A new car. Maybe a wagatha Christie themed pic

They're not mutual friends any longer if they're screenshotting your posts and sending to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Every time you make a post, think about who you want to read it and adjust the audience.
You can put all these friends into a single group, and then easily make any possibly problematic post 'friends except x group'

What’s with all the commenters stating OP shouldn’t post what she likes?
‘Mundane’ or not.
You don’t get to police what someone else does with their social media, nor do you get to decide if it’s interesting enough.

Lots of self important posters on here 🙄

I agree.

I didn't blame it completely on his ex slagging him off on FB. It was a culmination of as I said in my original post, the breakdown of his marriage (both were to blame), the loss of his home, the loss of seeing his children daily, he was working but paying to rent elsewhere and also paying his mortgage, the cost can be huge in relationship breakdown and not evenly shared. The additional cost of his ex posting shit on FB didn't help. But their children can see that when they grow up for themselves. The constant digs became another thing and he was at rock bottom so didn't see another way. His children have lost a lovely man. If only people think a bit before posting private things or digs on social media, people have feelings.

I say post what you like but change your settings so that only certain people see everything you post. As above you can categorise people into different groups.

As he is your ex I don't know why someone is sharing your posts with him it is none of his business and I am sure this person isn't also sharing your ex's posts with you. If you know who this is I would block or delete them. They are shit stirring and causing trouble for you. Don't be nice to them, they certainly are not being nice to you.

This is why I no longer have social media. Ultimately no one is interested in "inspirational quotes" and your kids probably don't want to have photos of their day to day lives on your Facebook.

Post what you want
Their reactions their problem
Smile and wave

If you don't want to de-friend them (though I would if they were reporting behind my back), then you can set your posts so that they're visible to your friends "except" then the option to choose who.

I do this as I have a few work people/clients on my friends list that I don't want to see all my posts, but I don't want to de-friend either.

There’s a really easy solution to this - several in fact. Don’t post, unfriend, make account private. You obviously want the validation and exposure otherwise you wouldn’t post this crap, so yes people are bound to comment.

Only share things when you know who you’re sharing with. If his friends are family are passing on information, delete them. They’re clearly not your friends. Your posts also have an air of faux innocence OP.

You are publishing information about yourself on the world wide web for everyone to read.
The people who read what you have published are not spying on you, they are reading what you have published on the internet for everyone to read.

@Doolallyally how do you know that he's receiving these?

Just come off Facebook and live instead.

This is easy unfriend them or don't post these things.
Be private. Everyone dosent need to know everything.

Because she's complaining about her ex seeing it.

Surely if they can see it ex can see it too. It isn't spying if you have posted it publicly it's what you have chosen to share with the world. What do you care what they think or say anyway you are getting out.

Or go the other way - post more! :-)
it’s your SM you can post what you like @Doolallyally

if you change your behaviour because of his comments then he still is controlling what you do

who cares what him and his friends think?

with a break up many friends you think mutual generally aren’t - it’s not picking sides as such but people will tend to drift and stay in touch with who they prefer spending time with

whatever you decide to do, limit access, post less, whatever, he will also be trying to make sure his image isn’t tarnished so expect more of the same from him

just try and make the decisions your own

But the minute anyone insults you, you must block them and any friends of theirs who are likely to join in. Just have nice people you trust.

You can set your privacy to exclude/include specific people. Anyone you think is passing info on, exclude them from seeing any future posts (they won’t know any different)

I would disagree with the use of the word spying if they are already on your friends list.

People talk, so if you have mutual acquaintances, then yeah stuff is going to get back to your ex. It's clear they have picked a side so I would limit contact with these people.

That said, I do believe you should be able to post what you like without it being twisted to something that it's not.

Stop posting on FB, set your privacy settings to selected people, block the gossips use wattsapp instead if you need to keep,in touch.

Separate your Facebook into two camps ones who back you and are happy for you and the flying monkeys, flying monkeys get cute cat or puppy pictures weather reports (what the forecast let's you post to Facebook) recipies and shit save your inspiration for those who want to be inspired

I would be tempted to post things to bait them, and maybe a few false flags as well to really rile them up, but I am petty and a wind up merchant.

Take the high road and change your privacy settings, they’ll go away eventually. Congratulations on leaving your relationship, in a few years you will look back and laugh at what losers these people are.