Ex’s friends and family spying on me on Facebook

[Doolallyally]

Separated from ex recently and I’ll be moving out soon. Ex has been receiving screen shots and messages about my Facebook posts - one was when I took our youngest out for food (She’s up to something!) another was taking our teen out for the day on a very hot day (she shouldn’t be taking him out in that heat!)

the latest - I shared a photo of a new book - Women Living Deliciously - it’s a great book and I shared inspirational quotes from it - feminist stuff about living your best life and respecting boundaries etc. I am leaving due to emotional abuse and found the statements powerful and positive. Ex’s friend screen shotted my post saying WTF! and how insensitive I was being? To me the book is hugely inspiring especially how much crap I have put up with and how I’m trying to lose my people pleasing ways! Was I insensitive and rude considering I’m moving out very soon? I did not intend it to be passive aggressive. I’m the one who ended the marriage. Thanks.

I’ve never shared this sort of thing before-it’s just a very beautiful book - I’m a bookworm and do post about books I’m reading - I can see how it could be seen as cringe! I’ve now deleted it

I think it’s cos they are deliberately sending info to ex and also MIL (ex)

@Doolallyally I just generally don’t think social media is the best place to post things like this. People will say “it’s your page, do what you like” but nothing you post online is private and I think sometimes things are best kept away from large audiences!

In an ideal world your mutual friends wouldn’t take sides but it sounds like some are definitely in your ex’s team. Time to be realistic and not assume that everyone is neutral.

Restrict them if you dont want to unfriend them. That means they won't see your posts.

But that’s what happens when you share stuff online - it’s not private.

Check in to Ann Summers. That'll get them all talking.

havent read if anyone else has suggested this, but you don’t have to unfriendly them- you can categorise them into acquaintances and then change you settings to show only to friend not acquaintances. I have people on mine I felt obliged to accept and then promptly put them in the group where they can’t see my posts unless I make them public.

Eventually they get bored ☺️ all of my life on Facebook was sent to ex husband. I didn’t even post on Facebook it was tagged posts from workmates and friends.

One that did make me laugh though, was when one was sent about a post tagging of a workmate asking how our day was as he was sat with a cocktail. I got furious phone calls asking why I had taken the children out of the country without his permission! Sadly, I was sat in rainy old Scotland only dreaming of the sun 😂😂

They’re not mutual friends if they’re sharing your posts. Remove them.

Yes, sorry, sharing inspirational quotes from that book sounds like a dig at him (I’m not judging - he might deserve it) but it’s naive to think it doesn’t sound that way.

Honestly, if I see stuff like this on fb I find it really cringe. Keep it classy, keep it private.

Agree with this. It all sounds very embarrassing 😬

I don’t think you were being insensitive. I think you’re questioning it because of the damage the emotional abuse has caused you. It’s great that you’ve found something to inspire you and lift you up.

When you break up with someone, you’ll always have some on their side and some on yours. Change your privacy settings/unfriend anyone but close friends. Build your tribe and your circle based on people you trust and who lift you up.

It's very simple. Anyone who is sharing details of your private posts to wind up your ex is not part of your new life and you need to swiftly delete them.

Maybe his friends saw your posts as digs at him? I can't understand the need to share so much on FB etc, especially with settings so everyone can see and then whinge that someone might take offence to a post that possibly might be seen as a dig at someone they like/are related to etc.

An ex friend posted some stuff about her ex, several months later he committed suicide, he struggled not only with the separation, the loss of his home (she remained in home with children), the loss of seeing his children daily, he was penniless and broken and both were at fault in their relationship, but the constant digs on social media where he thought everyone could see and judge him were a step too far. Why do people wash their dirty laundry on social media anyway... is it so that ex sees it/family sees it/friends see it? There are other ways. Anyway their children have lost a good dad even if he may have been not a great husband.

If I were your ex I'd ask people to stop sending me the screenshots, for a start. Who wants to see that, especially from an ex?

If I were a mutual friend, having to read such stuff would move me firmly into your ex's camp. None of it is uplifting or original: it reads like trite junk. I'd be muting or even unfriending you.

When I was leaving my xh I put all his family and friends on restricted, why wouldn't you?!

when you go to share a post you can select eg all friends but ,1,2 etc as i have used the settings to do similar.

dpending on if you have kids together etc and depending on the marriage it can provide extra intelligence of whats what etc

Whether it’s “cringe” or not it’s your social media and it’s up to you what you want to do with it. Who cares if you’re posting inspirational quotes?

I’d be way more embarrassed to be a presumably grown adult running around with e-gossip like a 12 year old. They need to grow up and get a life.

People who are posting that are “mutual” friends are in fact his friends. Block and don’t look back.

Its very sad he took his own life of course but I dont think you can blame it completely on his ex posting on Facebook.

When I split with my abusive x years ago I blocked all his family, I blocked mutual friends or asked them to either delete me or him off my facebook - I had to go complete NC

Post what you want about your life, it’s your life and up to you. If people have access and want to view it, they can. Tell your ex you are fully aware of what you’ve posted and he doesn’t need to tell you his or other people’s opinions about your posts. You can’t live your life for other people (kids aside and within reason).

I'd start sharing stuff deliberately to wind them up knowing it would be reported back. Or do a Wagatha Christie to find out exactly who it is sharing it if you don't know.

its effectively him stalking you via his flying monkeys.

block them/unfriend them.

If they're sharing your posts, they're NOT your friends.