Page 3 | I feel so broken

Heartfeels · 2025-07-16T15:23:28+00:00

I have been in a situationship for 3 months and I've fallen in love with him.I ended things yesterday because I knew in my heart it wasn't going anywhere.This has absolutely devastated and broken me to the point I'm constantly crying and cannot see a way to come to terms with this.I was married for 28 years and been on my own for 7 years and this was the first man I let into my life.

Original poster

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:25

MeganM3 · 16/07/2025 19:17

Ah. Been there myself OP it is really awful feeling this way. And I think 3 months is enough time to fall in love. Not deeply, but in a superficial / swept up in the excitement kind of way. And it’s difficult when they do the disappearing and reappearing thing, playing with your emotions. I bet my bottom dollar he will be chasing you again as soon as you’re healing and doing well.
Sympathy. No real advice other than keep your dignity and don’t wallow too much and definitely don’t reach out to him. You will be ok, even if it’s a shitty month or two while you gather yourself up.

Thank you,I really hope he doesn't get in touch anytime soon, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to turn him down again right now.

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Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:27

OurBeautifulBaby · 16/07/2025 16:27

I’m guessing he didn’t offer any reassurance?
It’s only been 3 months - You will bounce back.

No reassurance at all .

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Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:32

SpringboksSocks · 16/07/2025 18:01

Op I’ve been there and I get it. You can absolutely fall in love in 3 months, especially so if you’ve already had a thing for the person before that. Look up attachment styles - it sounds as though he’s an avoidant, and it may help you to realise it’s nothing personal. I agree you’ve been strong and brave to end it if it wasn’t working for you. I’ve been in a very similar situation (also lost a lot of weight) but I’m here to tell you that it does get easier with time 🌷

Thank you and yes he is definitely an avoidant, he's 58 never been married,no kids and lives with his mum.

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Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:35

onehorserace · 16/07/2025 19:25

is he married @Heartfeels?

No never been married and no kids .

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Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:37

suburberphobe · 16/07/2025 19:24

We were seeing each other once a week and he was so lovely to me very loving and attentive but then I wouldn't hear from him for days.

Yea, fuck that. He's yanking your chain and has other women on the go.

Block him every which way OP and pick yourself up, dust yourself down and go for some self love.

You could be right he has a lot of female "Friends" who he's previously been in relationships with .

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Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:42

Laiste · 16/07/2025 16:26

💐
3 months is a bit quick to be in love OP.

Especially if part of those 3 months youve been feeling it's going nowhere ....

Why is it going nowhere ?

Probably because he's emotionally avoidant and emotionally immature . 58 never married,no kids ,lives at home with his mum .

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MaidOfSteel · 16/07/2025 20:01

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 17:16

Thank you it wasn't an easy decision at all,I shouldn't have posted on here really but I've got no one to talk to and I feel so alone right now.

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Ignore the unhelpful posts. Give yourself time to wallow a bit and grieve for what might have been. You clearly have inner strength and good self esteem - you recognised this wasn’t right for you. That strength will bring you out the other side with time, and help you find the right man, if that’s what you want to do. Best wishes. X

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/07/2025 20:08

Be prepared for him to call you. He is a big red flag, a user, he'll be flattered by your feelings, but he'll still act like a dick and you'll be heartbroken again.
Stay strong 💪

Cattery · 16/07/2025 20:10

You’ve lost two stone since yesterday?

Praying4Peace · 16/07/2025 20:14

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 17:27

Thank you so much,I really fell for him in a short space of time but I've known him for 7 years and always had feelings for him.I really appreciate your understanding.People saying to eat ice cream and watch netflix isn't really helping to be honest.Im struggling to eat and I've lost nearly 2 stones with feeling so heartbroken about it all.I was married for 28 years and on my own for 7 years, the only man I've let get close to me because I trusted that he wouldn't hurt me.Hes 58 and I'm 59 there's no fool like an old fool 😢 x

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U r human, not foolish
Take care OP

AmIJustAnUnreasonsbleBitch · 16/07/2025 20:18

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:32

Thank you and yes he is definitely an avoidant, he's 58 never been married,no kids and lives with his mum.

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Bloody hell, narrow escape!

Createausername1970 · 16/07/2025 20:32

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:42

Probably because he's emotionally avoidant and emotionally immature . 58 never married,no kids ,lives at home with his mum .

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Which probably explains why he wasn't in touch in between dates.

From my perspective I think you were hoping for great things from the one person that was never going to be able to provide this. As you have known him for a few years and know his background and history, perhaps his way of going about things was not so surprising.

I don't want to minimise the way you are feeling, but it is coming across that you were maybe a bit intense about the situation?

It's horrible to feel so let down though, regardless of how it why. It will pass though, you just have to ride it out. Cry when you want to cry, be angry when you need to be angry.

ButteredRadish · 16/07/2025 21:05

That’s very quick to fall in love. I’ve got food in my freezer I’ve had longer than that. What you’re experiencing is you being reminded of and reliving the heartbreak you went through 4 years ago. It’s normal 🤍

BunnyLake · 16/07/2025 21:13

He’s probably too set in his ways now, what with living with his mum at 58 and no marriage or kids in his history. He would probably have not been good husband material as his mum probably cooks for him and does his washing.

AnotherNaCha · 16/07/2025 21:31

Following what @BunnyLake said… I think in these cases the guy realises he can’t keep up the show… as in, probably doesn’t feel able to be in a proper relationship, absolutely in this case given his circumstances. Try to switch from being sad you couldn’t save him essentially to narrowing down what you do want from a relationship and go for that

Laiste · 17/07/2025 08:57

In my experience when you post on mumsnet for advice/support you get replies which are soothing and speak to what you want to hear - and replies which feel hurtful at first and too harsh.

Longer term, guess which ones help the most? Yep. The ones which were hard to read at first.

OP you've 'given it a go' with him and this is how he's left you feeling. Not good not happy and not loved.

ie: he's not the one for you. He's not what you hoped.

He still lives with his mum - lucky escape i say ! He's obvs not any kind of go getter is he? And that will include women in his life. No effort.

Pull yourself together and eat the ice cream !!! 💐 This IS what a good friend would say x

Jewel52 · 17/07/2025 09:12

BetterWithPockets · 16/07/2025 17:09

OP, personally I would ignore the posters telling you to pull yourself together on the grounds it’s ‘only’ been three months. Sometimes (imo), it’s not about how long it’s been or even the person themselves, necessarily — it’s about suddenly being in a situation where you can see a different future for yourself, a future you really want, and didn’t previously think you’d get to have — for whatever reason — and then, just as soon as you start believing it might be possible, having it taken away from you. You’re allowed to grieve that, of course you are. But it is still early days, and I promise it will get easier. X

This is just a lovely empathetic response.

Hang in there op, you’ve absolutely done the right thing in breaking things off. I’m been on my own for the last few years, having been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 20. The 2 short term relationships I’ve had since have been real eye openers: the first guy was just needy and the second, like your experience, was using me to bolster his ego when it suited but was elusive in all senses of the word.

There’s better stuff coming for both of us.

Absentmindedsmile · 17/07/2025 09:17

Heartfeels · 16/07/2025 19:42

Probably because he's emotionally avoidant and emotionally immature . 58 never married,no kids ,lives at home with his mum .

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OP you sound like a wonderful person. He on the other hand sounds like a loser. You’re far too good for him. x

LeftieRightsHoarder · 17/07/2025 09:24

MaidOfSteel · 16/07/2025 20:01

Ignore the unhelpful posts. Give yourself time to wallow a bit and grieve for what might have been. You clearly have inner strength and good self esteem - you recognised this wasn’t right for you. That strength will bring you out the other side with time, and help you find the right man, if that’s what you want to do. Best wishes. X

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I agree. I once fell in love very quickly and was devastated when it ended, about the same timescale as yours. But I was weak enough to take him back. I was then even more hurt when he dumped me soon afterwards. Not worth it.
Be kind to yourself now. Give yourself time to heal and move on xx

icouldholditwithacobweb · 17/07/2025 10:01

I sympathise with you OP; I was in a similar situation recently, and it really isn't easy to put your boundaries in place around how you deserve to be treated, so well done you.

It sounds like this guy has made you realise how lonely you feel (or at least, that's how I felt); when you're on your own for a long time, it's easy to be at peace with that and enjoy it, but when you get a taste of that companionship with someone you really care for, it can make you feel extra lonely when it doesn't work out the way you want it to. All you can do is get very honest with yourself and this guy around what you want, and if he's not in a place to deliver on that, do as you've done and let him go. The faster you say no to what's not right for you, the faster what's right for you will come into your life.

Hope something wonderful shows up soon, whether it's a person or something else!

Original poster

Heartfeels · 17/07/2025 11:41

Absentmindedsmile · 17/07/2025 09:17

OP you sound like a wonderful person. He on the other hand sounds like a loser. You’re far too good for him. x

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Thank you so much x

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Heartfeels · 17/07/2025 11:43

icouldholditwithacobweb · 17/07/2025 10:01

I sympathise with you OP; I was in a similar situation recently, and it really isn't easy to put your boundaries in place around how you deserve to be treated, so well done you.

It sounds like this guy has made you realise how lonely you feel (or at least, that's how I felt); when you're on your own for a long time, it's easy to be at peace with that and enjoy it, but when you get a taste of that companionship with someone you really care for, it can make you feel extra lonely when it doesn't work out the way you want it to. All you can do is get very honest with yourself and this guy around what you want, and if he's not in a place to deliver on that, do as you've done and let him go. The faster you say no to what's not right for you, the faster what's right for you will come into your life.

Hope something wonderful shows up soon, whether it's a person or something else!

Thank you for your kind words xx

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Heartfeels · 17/07/2025 11:45

LeftieRightsHoarder · 17/07/2025 09:24

I agree. I once fell in love very quickly and was devastated when it ended, about the same timescale as yours. But I was weak enough to take him back. I was then even more hurt when he dumped me soon afterwards. Not worth it.
Be kind to yourself now. Give yourself time to heal and move on xx

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Thank you I just feel hurt and betrayed right now,I can't stop crying and feel so worthless and empty x

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Original poster

Heartfeels · 17/07/2025 11:48

Jewel52 · 17/07/2025 09:12

This is just a lovely empathetic response.

Hang in there op, you’ve absolutely done the right thing in breaking things off. I’m been on my own for the last few years, having been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 20. The 2 short term relationships I’ve had since have been real eye openers: the first guy was just needy and the second, like your experience, was using me to bolster his ego when it suited but was elusive in all senses of the word.

There’s better stuff coming for both of us.

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Thank you for being so understanding hopefully I'll start to feel better soon xx

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Original poster

Heartfeels · 17/07/2025 11:50

Laiste · 17/07/2025 08:57

In my experience when you post on mumsnet for advice/support you get replies which are soothing and speak to what you want to hear - and replies which feel hurtful at first and too harsh.

Longer term, guess which ones help the most? Yep. The ones which were hard to read at first.

OP you've 'given it a go' with him and this is how he's left you feeling. Not good not happy and not loved.

ie: he's not the one for you. He's not what you hoped.

He still lives with his mum - lucky escape i say ! He's obvs not any kind of go getter is he? And that will include women in his life. No effort.

Pull yourself together and eat the ice cream !!! 💐 This IS what a good friend would say x

Thank you for being so understanding I'll never put myself through this ever again xx

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