To think that trauma is now a status symbol?

[DearExpert]

It used to be something private. Now it’s a badge of honour - the more complex your trauma, the more valid your opinion. It’s like pain is currency in online spaces. And some people are overdrawing.

All thus is true. But I also can't help to feel that for a few it's a tool fot attention. There are some who will talk about their trauma and you hear it and go: gosh if thats trauma then what is the experience of a child or mum in Gaza or Sudan. Yes trauma is subjective but there are times when we over the word that it looses the meaning or at least it's punch or horror. But then what other word can the others (the ones judged asmover drawing) use. And indeed it can be user to hold yourself back from moving on or living a full life. I have seen people that lost entire families -immediate and extended - before they were 13, became carers to siblings and grannies and they are not afraid of discussing their experiences but they don't continually harangue people about their trauma or use it as a get out of jail card. They just live because they don't have the "luxury" of dwelling on it ad infinitum

I think plastering it online is the key thing here. Nothing wrong with telling people about trauma but posting about it online on instagram accompanied by loads of carefully posed photos is the annoying thing and attention seeking in my opinion.

I strongly disagree with this. As time goes on there is less and less stigma and freedom to admit and express our trauma. The more people talk about it the more awareness is raised and the sooner people can seek help and support. It also helps people to spot red flags a lot sooner.
There's no more trauma now than there was before, its just that people are more aware of the harm that holding deep seated pain inside of you can do to a person's mental health and emotional wellbeing.

I find most people that are angry because trauma is being talked about more openly are either afraid that someone they've abused might find some strength and support in sharing their experience, or are angry because they have their own trauma they are refusing to address and it's therefore affecting and impacting their own relationships and mental health but the accountability isn't there yet.

A bit like when people mock someone for running, losing weight, healthy eating. Their choice to care fot themselves is nothing to do with you, but it might highlight your own lack of self care to yourself.

Most people carry some trauma, don’t they?

Recognising your own trauma and dealing with it is a good thing, I think. Better than bottling it all up and getting stuck in negative patterns that cause you suffering.

Wanging on endlessly about your self-diagnosed ‘Complex PTSD’ on social media is tiresome, though.

I'm not sure it's a badge of honour, so much as a badge of authority that some people show to shut down opposing views. So rather than explain why they disagree, and make a persuasive counter argument, it's a "don't dare argue with me, because I've had this experience, and you're an insensitive oaf if you challenge me" kind of thing. Which is manipulative and disruptive on discussion forums.

Yeah. Social media is a fucking cancer.

There may be some truth in this, but honestly, almost everyonv who uses ther social media to talk about their PTSD (or ADHD or anxiety ‘disorder’ etc etc) frames it as ‘raising awareness’ and ‘hoping it helps someone else going through this’ and in 90% of cases, I don’t buy it.

Call me cynical, but I see a lot of self-diagnosis and attention seeking going on.

Yes, agree. It’s such an over used word it’s lost meaning. It’s like saying “ awesome” instead of “ quite nice”.

I think people use it to ring fence themselves.

It is for selfish, weak people.
Those of us with genuine issues mostly just crack on.

I desperately want and need trauma counselling. I've been turned away before and the one I'm trying to use now has been blanking me for months.

I think maybe if others are in the same boat. They can't afford to go private but need help, they end up kind of over sharing online as it's the only way they can feel heard.

I wouldn't and I don't do social media. But people suffer terribly from holding these feelings in.

Totally agree and the overuse of catastrophic language. People who have been through something say they have (undiagnosed) PTSD. Or they are grieving saying they are clinically depressed (instead of saying they are grieving). It negates those who have these things.

If you want to call being put right back in your place and sat down ironic hahah, then so be it 😅. Peace out ✌🏻

You'd probably hate me, op, I lost my beautiful twin boys 20 months ago at birth. Completely unexpected - one of my boys was stillborn and my second died in my arms 4 days later after life support was removed. I'll never get over it, I've since had my rainbow but some days are very dark. I've only recently started trauma counselling.

I constantly reference them online on my social media. No photos because that's private to me and dh. But I share the stillbirth and neonatal death support group pages a lot for two reasons - number 1 - its a way to keep my boys alive, their memories are sadly limited and there will be no memories made and second, child loss is horrific and awareness and promoting support is key to grieving. I dont want or need people's sympathy, tbh I haven't cared much about what people think since they died. I just wish they were here.

From some responses on here it seems people feel the behaviour is attention seeking.

Just don't pay attention? Or are you jealous of the attention?

My twin sons died at birth 20 months ago. Stillbirth and my second twin was taken off life support at 4 days old and died in my arms. I do talk about my trauma online because I feel it keeps them present. I think my reasons are "genuine" and real. I'm glad someone people can just "crack on" as you say but this almost destroyed me and a lot of days are still very tough and I've since had another baby. Not everyone's grief is the same.

Erm, you do realise clinical depression can be part of the grieving process? I say this waving my four in five years bereavement badges with pride (sarcasm, obviously) mother, partner, father and mother-in-law. And you do realise that alongside grieving can come massive upheaval in every part of your life, while everyone chunters on about it all being just "life" and the opportunity for new beginnings, and that one should have gratitude for the good times etc etc.

Grief is a pretty poor example on its own if you ask me. Oops there I go again, waving those damn badges....

I tend to agree tbh.

I have CPTSD from some horrific events in my life. Close friends are aware but I would never dream of putting it on social media, either the diagnosis or anything reIated to the events. Its not that I'm ashamed or feel any kind of stigma but it's very personal and I have no wish for my trauma to be discussed by others.

Aside from raising awareness in a few situations that may make a difference I think most people with genuine trauma don't seek to draw attention to it.

I’m with you. I have similar issues and it drives me mad when people use any issue as a drama for validation. I couldn’t talk about mine for years, I’d disassociated..all matter of fact. I can open up now, but I talk to very few people about it.

So how are people supposed to manage their trauma, oh wise ones of Mumsnet? If one is at the mercy of two years waiting lists on the NHS, if everyone around you is backing off because your trauma is impinging on their lives, if the domino's keep falling because the people who knew you best are gone, along with your physical and emotional security, if you are expected to be always mindful that other people's feelings are more important than your own? Hmm?

How one manages these things without guidance or prior experience is a mystery to me.

You can always mind your own fucking business.

I think the vast majority of trauma is just life. Most people experience trauma throughout their lives and we’ve just rebranded it recently. I think everyone’s trauma and upset is valid, but I do think there’s a tendency to indulge in it now. There’s a balance between validating feelings and working towards recovery and forgiveness and using it as a statement and identity - like you say.

I’m sorry @Ella31 ❤️
Life can be awful and if something helps you to deal with the pain, that’s completely understandable.

I agree. I bottled my trauma up for over 40 years. I'm not sure that I even recognised it as trauma.

If I was that traumatised young person now, I'd feel much more comfortable about talking about it. I didn't even know there were was a word for it when I was young.

Talking saves lives. Why would you want to slag off people who have suffered traumatic events? They’re not saying they’re the only ones. They’re not saying it doesn’t or won’t happen to anyone else, they’re just expressing how they feel and being open about what’s happened.

I think you have to be quite an unhappy person to pick on people who have experienced trauma.