Am I drinking too much?

[littlebutloudly]

I have been drinking a lot more than I usually do lately but I’m not sure how much is too much.
I don’t drink every night and I don’t need to drink but I feel very stressed at the moment and enjoy to relax and drink probably the best part of a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week.
Dh thinks this is bad but I’m not sure if that’s just because it’s more than we’d usually drink which is once or twice a month maybe a bottle each.
I know I’m using it to cope and can take it or leave it but I just really like to have a drink and unwind at the moment especially as I’m feeling very stressed.
I usually only drink at the weekend but if I do have a drink during the week I’m still up in the morning.

It sounds like a lot to me. I’m in my 20s & I think it’s one thing drinking that amount socially (I might do that if I’m going out frequently/celebrating with friends etc) but it’s another thing drinking that amount by yourself at home. I just have never really got the urge to drink alcohol with my dinner at home like that, I think it’s quite a sad thing to do.

I generally hate the feelings that come with drinking alcohol, whether it’s the taste, to feeling sluggish the next day, to feeling extra peckish or wanting the toilet/to vomit more often. Like I just want to maintain a normal body equilibrium and so I’m vigilant to the changes that come with alcohol. If you’re drinking that frequently, then you likely don’t notice the side effects as much.

I think in your case in particular the bottle is just masking your emotions.

Find a decent therapist. Wanting your days to pass quickly is an indicator of poor mental health, whether that’s long term health or an acute period.

A good therapist can help you explore options to find something that works for you. It could be sporting hobbies, crafting, gaming, cooking, shopping, massage, evening walks. Loads of ways to unwind that don’t involve drugs and alcohol.

Just say you finish work at 5pm, do something before you settle at home eg go gym, grocery shopping or walk somewhere.

Now it’s like 6pm, go home, eat dinner. After dinner wash up, have a shower and get ready for bed, PJs on etc.

Tidy up bits around the house (I hate having piles of clutter, if I can reset the house quickly I’ll do so)

Will probably be like 9-10pm. If you’re not tired after all that, take a sleeping tablet and watch a show to help you drift off to sleep. You’ll get used to not falling asleep to alcohol. It only takes like 2-3 weeks of regular sleep at a certain time, to naturally fall asleep at that time and get into a routine. So you wouldn’t be tiring yourself out or taking sleeping tablets for long.

Hoping this is sarcastic.

If you can take it or leave then leaving it for a while would be a good thing, I think. Even a small period of abstinence will help you assess where you really are with your drinking. It really is all too easy to slip down the slope into problem drinking.

I am an alcoholic and it didn't just happen overnight it crept up on me until it was beyond fixing by myself. It has been just over two years of being alcohol free since my last relapse. I cannot even promise myself that I won't relapse again, let alone anyone else. It is a horrible situation to be in.

Alcohol washes vitamin b out of your system so, though it seems like is solving your stress problems it is actually contributing to them

That sounds like a lot to me,but then I’m such a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. One small/medium glass of wine and I get lightheaded.A whole bottle of wine would literally have me on the floor.

OP, don't go by the measure of what others are drinking. Have a look at the units on the bottle. Google medical advice for units per day and per week, and then look at what your bottle of wine says it's units are and make the adjustments that way. I've recently switched away from wine because the units are so high, and like you, I could easily have too much of it. My GP said it showed in my blood work re triglycerides, low vit B, and wide blood cells. I now have bottles of Guinness that are 2 units per bottle, and I am retraining myself. I find it easier to know that the bottle is the limit of units for one day, as opposed to having a glass of wine, and the bottle's open, so I have another, and then... I too use it to destress, and I know that's bad, but I do, so now I am careful about when I have the bottle of Guinness. Small steps in the right direction is a better approach than no change and health deteriorating.

If you know you are using it tocope and still drinking then you are kidding yourself saying you can take it or leave it

Oh my fucking god - self care, warm baths, evening classes … if these delivered anywhere near the instant relief of alcohol don’t you think we’d all be turning to these activities?

And I’d add, what is this absolute obsession with living as long as you can? If a person’s life is full of sadness, stress, tedium, pain or merely an abiding sense of having lived as long as you can be bothered to, then why seek to live longer?

OP, we are animals underneath the veneer. Mortal, fallible, inconsistent, imperfect. Don’t add to your stress by getting stressed about your wine intake.

I think that what stands out for me is that you’re drinking alone. I love sharing a bottle with DH, and on occasion we’ve gone into a second. But usually only at weekends. When I’m away on my own I may have a glass or 2 out over a meal, but never in a hotel room on my own.

I agree that MN is being harsh, but see it as an opportunity to re-set before things do go down the slippery slope.

Try to stick to just weekends and only when DH is joining you. I’d avoid AF wine as it’s rank, but are there any other drinks you do like? Guinness zero is great but I know it’s an acquired taste!

'Oh my fucking god - self care, warm baths, evening classes … if these delivered anywhere near the instant relief of alcohol don’t you think we’d all be turning to these activities?'

I have to say, I do cringe when people recommend going for a run or a hot bath or whatever rather than having a drink when you're stressed. Those alternatives are absolutely NOT the same as a bottle of wine or a few whiskies or whatever. That doesn't mean that they're not better alternatives - they are, especially if you're stressed and what you really need is genuine rest and peace and restoration rather than the numbing effects of alcohol

But it's really unhelpful to suggest that you can 'just' swop your bottle of wine for a yoga session or a nice uplifting podcast. It may well be the healthier and ultimately more effective option, but I don't think it's useful to the OP or anyone else to pretend that it's easy. There are people who can take or leave alcohol and are really not that fussed about it, but others have a much more complicated relationship with it

I didn’t suggest these activities delivered the same ‘instant relief’ as alcohol. They are alternative ways to pass time, to break unhelpful behaviour chains of coming home and pouring a glass of wine, to build a tolerance to difficult emotions as they come and go, and to develop some inner resolve to not seek instant gratification when life gets tough.

Pain, stress, anxiety, boredom are a part of life for everyone but there are alternative ways to get through that don’t impact negatively on our physiological, psychological or emotional wellbeing.

If you dont want to drink its a problem.
Also I read it as 3 bottles vs a bottle over a few nights which is a lot!
I think switching up your evening routine is a good idea.
Yoga in the bedroom or a walk.
Dont sit in front of the tv drinking

'to build a tolerance to difficult emotions as they come and go, and to develop some inner resolve to not seek instant gratification when life gets tough'

Agree that these are very difficult but very important skills to develop

Alcohol should be only ever be the icing on the cake of a relaxed or sociable enjoyable time. Never a medication, because it doesn't cure anything, it makes it worse. So, it's not just the amount, which you will know if its too much by the units, but the reason you're drinking you need to be vigilent about. Only drink when you're already relaxed and happy isnt a bad rule of thumb, in addition to staying within the recommended units.

It's not just about how long you live though it's about the quality of life.
Do you know any alcoholics? I know a couple. One's life has been completely ruined by alcohol. She has alcohol induced dementia , she lives in a constant state of anxiety , she has no real relationship with her family or friends anymore. She is still drinking and will.never be able to stop.
The other is in recovery but they are constantly fighting to stay in recovery.
Neither of them set out to become alcohol dependent it happened without them realising. The first one started by having a drink every night to help her to wind down and relax.Then she needed more .
OP is right to worry and to do something about it.

@insomniaclife

Oh my fucking god - self care, warm baths, evening classes … if these delivered anywhere near the instant relief of alcohol don’t you think we’d all be turning to these activities?
And I’d add, what is this absolute obsession with living as long as you can? If a person’s life is full of sadness, stress, tedium, pain or merely an abiding sense of having lived as long as you can be bothered to, then why seek to live longer?
OP, we are animals underneath the veneer. Mortal, fallible, inconsistent, imperfect. Don’t add to your stress by getting stressed about your wine intake.

If a person's life is full of sadness, stress, tedium, pain or merely an abiding sense of having lived as long as you can be bothered to... you can bet excessive alcohol will hugely exacerbate those symptoms. Alcohol is a huge depressant and massively amplifies mental health problems.

I think the fact that you are questioning it means that it is too much as it sounds like you would maybe prefer to put your health first.

I am sure you are aware of the health risks associated with regular alcohol intake so not going to get into that, but I would look at addressing the stress and find different coping mechanisms so that a glass of wine becomes a treat instead of a habit or form of self medication.

I used to self medicate with 1-2 glasses most nights which for me is too much as I am (literally) a lightweight. Only drink occasionally now, usually only weekends and rarely more than 1 glass. So on average 1-3 glasses a week but some weeks not at all. I must say I think it got a lot easier after having kids and not being able to tolerate more alcohol well. Getting up early with kids is so much harder after alcohol the night before and its just not worth it. DH feels the same which makes normal for us to not drink regularly so it's no longer a part of our weekly food shop.

Good luck figuring out what you need OP!

Exercise. 7 mins workout will wear you out and lull you. What you currently choose to destress is passive lull. Go for active lull and you kill 2 beards with 1 stone!!

If you feel you need to ask this question, then yes.

I’ve just come back off holiday having had half a bottle approx every night for10 days - ( none in day) and feel a bit shit as well as having put 5lbs on - I don’t know how people can drink this much regularly - I personally feel a bit ‘off’ and sluggish - I’m normally a half a bottle Friday and Saturday only person

This is a difficult topic for me. I don't drink - at all. BUT, that is because my father drank too much (he was a lovely father and was a lovely drunk) but as a teen I found this really embarrassing. I also think it contributed to his early death at 69. My sister also drinks far too much. She used to drink wine and now drinks spirits as "there are less calories in them". I really want her to stop as I can see what it's doing to her body, her skin, her finances, and her general health.

Please OP, cut back now before it's 7 nights a week and you need to switch to something stronger to medicate.

That old chestnut.

I drink at home because I rarely go out, but I am careful to stick within the NHS guidelines.