Am I drinking too much?

[littlebutloudly]

I have been drinking a lot more than I usually do lately but I’m not sure how much is too much.
I don’t drink every night and I don’t need to drink but I feel very stressed at the moment and enjoy to relax and drink probably the best part of a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week.
Dh thinks this is bad but I’m not sure if that’s just because it’s more than we’d usually drink which is once or twice a month maybe a bottle each.
I know I’m using it to cope and can take it or leave it but I just really like to have a drink and unwind at the moment especially as I’m feeling very stressed.
I usually only drink at the weekend but if I do have a drink during the week I’m still up in the morning.

If you are uneasy about how much you are drinking, or the amount you are drinking is beginning to impact on your life negatively, and you feel unable to stop, then you are drinking too much.

That amount looks different to different people.

Yes. For me its not so much the amount, though a few bottles a week is probably above average, it's more your mindset behind drinking. I'm stressed so I'll have a drink to relax. That's unhealthy and a slippery slope to additional issues.

The thing I noticed about your OP is that it's full of justifications / excuses. You know that it's too much and your drinking is bothering you. That's reason enough to cut back. It's a good thing that you're noticing things aren't right

I'm not anti alcohol at all - I drink every weekend and really enjoy a couple of drinks. That said, drinking to supposedly manage stress and 'unwind' is a fool's game. You need proper rest and relaxation, and good quality sleep, and alcohol will hinder all of that rather than helping

Yes it’s too much OP. It’s not only decades-long alcoholic old codgers who develop alcohol related liver disease, the rates among women in their 40s and hospital admissions and deaths from it are rising. You need to find an alternative healthier stress-buster like going for a run or something.

That’s the worrying part. That’s not this is a nice relaxing treat. That’s this is a crutch to keep me going and that’s definitely the addictive path. I doubt you are are an addict right now but I think you should listen to your own concerns and cut back, varying the distressing wine with other options. Tackle the stress if you can. (Ex partner of an alcoholic who started drinking to destress and get through a hard time)

It’s too much. You need to cut down and I think you know it.

I find buying mini bottles of wine works well.

I think 2-3 bottles a week sounds pretty average based on everybody i know!

I think the main issue is the drinking because of stress. My mum is an alcoholic but it didn’t take hold until her early 50s. Before then she was similar and drank to combat stress, probably 2-3 times per week. Then in a space of a year or so she had a few major life events and drank to cope and basically didn’t (couldn’t stop). She’s now in her 70s and has Korsakoffs and is like a 90 year old. Has regular falls and needs carers. 100% alcohol ruined her life.

She is luckily to be alive. I have lost a sister, my step dad and two uncles to alcohol and pretty much lost my mum.

I think the other issue is that people don’t think they’re the type to be alcoholics. My family certainly weren’t. All degree educated, did sport and were nice and middle class. When my sister died (suicide due to having her son removed from her care due to alcoholism) many of her friends/ ex colleagues did not know she had a problem even though she was addicted when she knew them. There really isn’t a ‘type’ and it can get anyone.

I know what you mean about it killing time and making things feel easier, but it does not fix anything. I drank like that in a stressful relationship and then switched to running instead, which was amazing on every level. Added benefit that my boyfriend didn't like me losing weight so we broke up, win win. Join a gym. Play chess. Download workouts from YouTube. Learn crochet. Crochet got me through a terrible time after one of my babies was born.

Alcohol is not your friend. While it sooths stress in the short term, it stores it up for future you. Its subtle and insidious.

I always felt i needed someone to tell me I should stop. I hated my drinking and it made me miserable. In the end I just had to just go for it and declared myself a non drinker. Best decision I ever made.

I know that people focus on recommended units, but that is really a harm reduction approach and the prevailing opinion is that the only safe level of alcohol is none - any amount has negative effects. Fortunately if you like a drink, they are small enough that most people wouldnt notice or care about them.

But over and above physical dependence, psychological dependence is a problem imo - it can be the only way people have of managing stress. Stress management techniques like mindfulness, grounding and guided meditations could give you some other options of things to do to cope and unwind. If life is so hard that you want to speed up time to get through the day, would therapy be something you consider? Might be helpful.

I think you're right to recognise this as a potential problem. You are drinking more than usual and using it as a means to cope with stress - I think you'd be wise to try and stop this now before it becomes something you've lost control of.

It doesnt always creep up. I know many people with a few glasses a few nights a week habit in their 40s or older who've never drank more than that give or take the odd night out. Not everyone's brain works the same when it comes to discipline, addiction and/or how much they enjoy the feeling of being a bit tipsy.

Hi OP. Daughter of a functional alcoholic here. Along with drinking to cope with stress, which is a bad sign, a red flag for me is your comment that you open another bottle as the little that’s left is not a full glass. The need to “get your money’s worth” as it were out of every glass of wine is definitely the sign of disordered drinking. My father was the same. Always poured enormous drinks (so he could say he only had 2 whiskeys but actually he’d had at least 8 measures), and “didn’t see the point” in having a half glass.

Except the op says herself she IS drinking more than she used to.

Physical addiction only happens when someone drinks large amounts of alcohol every single day for a prolonged period. No one is getting withdrawal symptoms from 2 bottles of wine spread over the week.

I find mumsnet very judgemental and totally unrealistic when it comes to alcohol. Most people I know would have 2 - 3 bottles of wine over the space of a week. Some have more. On mum's net, any more than a thimble at Christmas makes you an alcohol 🙄

Saying that if it bothers you than maybe cut back.

Whether it's average or not, it's still too much (and if the OP says it's 2-3 bottles a week it's probably more in reality). The average person is also overweight but that doesn't make being overweight healthy 🤷‍♀️

Most people you know drink too much in that case. Doesn't make them alcoholics but it's still too much.

And wheeling out the old "thimble of sherry at Christmas" trope doesn't change that.

What support do you have, OP, with the issues that are making you stressed? What sort of solutions do you see for dealing with the situation that's troubling you?

Just thinking beyond the drinking to what's causing the feelings you're struggling with

The World Health Organization has stated that no alcohol is the only safe level of alcohol use. Setting limits, wherever they are, is a harm limitation exercise.

Your statement is like a smoker claiming that there is a safe level of cigarettes to smoke and anyone who does not agree is judgmental and unrealistic. You need to take a leaf out of the smokers book - if you want to do it, fine, make your choice and go ahead. But stop commenting on other peoples attitude to it. Sounds like you are defensive. The OP expressed concern about her drinking. The answer is not to tell her its not a problem.

Yes OP, please do consider other ways to relax in the evening time as alcohol can become the only go-to quickly and then it is a real problem. Maybe take a class after work (maybe an exercise class or to learn something new), go for a walk, meet a friend for a catch-up or have a warm bath and a hot chocolate. Try journaling as a way to record and leave your day behind and actively practice taking good care of yourself with self-care activities.

And if you must have a drink choose low alcohol wine and add tonic water and ice to help reduce the quantity consumed.

It isn't necessarily the amount that's the problem. It's certainly over the safe recommendation but, depending on how much you're drinking, not by absolutely miles.

What's worrying is the apparent link you are making between drinking and de-stressing/relaxation and the start of psychological dependency.

As others have said, it's a slippery slope from having a glass to relax to needing it as a crutch. Three bottles a week could fairly quickly escalate to a bottle a day.

I would be trying to cut right back and see how you fare. Then trying to find other ways to manage stress.