Am I drinking too much?

[littlebutloudly]

I have been drinking a lot more than I usually do lately but I’m not sure how much is too much.
I don’t drink every night and I don’t need to drink but I feel very stressed at the moment and enjoy to relax and drink probably the best part of a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week.
Dh thinks this is bad but I’m not sure if that’s just because it’s more than we’d usually drink which is once or twice a month maybe a bottle each.
I know I’m using it to cope and can take it or leave it but I just really like to have a drink and unwind at the moment especially as I’m feeling very stressed.
I usually only drink at the weekend but if I do have a drink during the week I’m still up in the morning.

Regardless of volume, if you’re questioning it then you probably need a break to reassess your relationship and find better ways to destress. There has never been a better time to go sober imo, there are loads of AF alternatives and it’s becoming more normalised to take a break or cut it out completely. Why not just try it for a week or a month and see how you get on?

On literally (and this is not hyperbole) every thread about alcohol consumption someone invariably tips up and utters the words: "on Mumsnet if you have more than a thimbleful at Christmas you're an alcoholic."

Its so yawningly predictable you can almost put money on it and not only is this a hoary old cliche, it's a reliable indicator of someone who is insecure about their own drinking and is trying to minimise it by trying to make other people look neurotic. It's a classic trope of people who drink too much that they try to make other people look weird if they try to manage their own drinking.

The OP has expressed concern about her own drinking. She's drinking way more than "a thimbleful at Christmas". Take the cliches and the defensive behaviour away and maybe try supporting the OP in managing her health better rather than "nothing to see here."

Not the old 'thimble at Christmas' bollocks 🙄

It really isn't true, you know that right? People on this thread aren't preaching abstinence, just caution.

I think if you're posting here, you probably do have a problem of sorts and should cut back for a bit.

I have a bottle of wine over the course of the weekend - with an extra 1 or 2 drinks out at the pub on top - so a bottle and a half total. I then try to have nothing (social plans allowing) sunday-thursday, which works well for me.

100%. Especially when it’s in response to someone who is clearly on some level concerned about their drinking.

my father would sneer and make fun of people who drank normally, without compulsion and excess, calling them “weird” and “uptight” and making out that not finishing a bottle just because it was there made you some sort of puritanical sourpuss.

I bet you would actually feel a lot less stressed if you weren’t drinking. I went through a really horrendous time in life and I drank too much. I decided I needed to stop drinking and I did. The stressful things didn’t go away, but I felt much calmer and better equipped to deal with them (and had a lot more energy to). I started having a nice refreshing cold fizzy drink in the evenings and then going for a walk/hike and listening to a podcast. It made a massive difference. It’s been over 2 years since I last had a drink and it doesn’t appeal at all now.

Yeah that/s a problem.

I think the general rule with these threads seems to be if you feel the need to ask, yes you are.

🤣🤣🤣 It seems I've hit a nerve with quite a few, ironically calling me defensive when it's very clearly them that have reacted extremely defensive to my comment. Almost like they took it personally 🤔

For the record, i dont even drink wine and have no issues with my alcohol consumption. And for those of you who struggle with reading compression, I clearly told the OP that if her level of drinking bothers her, then she should cut down. I wasn't encouraging her to drink, but I also wasn't jumping on the bandwagon of scare mongering anyone who drinks into thinking they're an alcoholic with a serious problem.

I’ve started buying alcohol free Prosecco. I have it in a nice glass and it gives the same feeling of treating myself to a nice drink but no alcohol and low calorie.

General rule of thumb is, if you find yourself asking are you drinking too much, you probably know deep down that you are.

I went down a slippery slope of drinking 4-5 bottles of wine per week. I thought because I had drink free days, and was able to work etc as normal, that it wasnt a problem. It in fact was.

I only really have at most, a bottle per week now and have noticed such an improvement in my sleep and energy levels.

This thread is fascinating. I know tonnes of people who have a bottle a night (two or three if it’s not a school night). The Mumsnet demographic seems unusually sober.

You might not have read your answer as defensive. But a lot of people saw it that way, so perhaps you are not the best person to judge it.

But hey, keep defending drinking. And looking down on people who dont agree with you that it is no big deal.

Yes I think it is a lot and more than the recommended maximum of 14 units. (They are 10 units in a bottle of wine)
But more worryingly is that you are drinking to relax when you are stressed.
That is how my friend became an alcoholic. It slowly crept up on her. If anyone had asked she would have said she could manage without and she drank to relax, then she needed to drink.
People become dependent without realising so I would do something about it now.

Yes I’ve always found that MN isn’t really reflective of real life alcohol consumption, or not what I see in friends/family/colleagues anyway.

I love a drink. I’ve definitely gone through phases in life where I was having too much. During Covid for example I would polish off a bottle of wine most nights out of sheer boredom and lack of routine. These days I enjoy a glass of wine in the evening but it is only one. No hangover, no drama, no making a fool of myself. And if I’m busy with something else or need to drive or whatever it’s not a problem to have a night off. Probably not the best for my health but neither are the crisps and chocolate I enjoy.

People are very quick to shout alcoholic on here. Having had alcoholism in my family I know what it looks like. Dependency and vices are not the same.

That said op, if you feel like you want to stop or you’re no longer in control of your drinking then do address it because it can be a slippery slope.

Real life alcohol consumption depends on the circles you mix in though. When it comes to my immediate family it’s not much alcohol, compared to my school friends it’s loads as they barely drink, compared to my uni friends it’s high for the age we are now (40s) but wouldn’t have been much 10 years ago. Sounds about right for my local friends.

Actually reading this thread it’s clearly split into 3, those who say it’s not too much, those who say it is and the majority have said it’s too much if the OP thinks it is/ or is drinking to cope.

People like me who have had their families torn apart by alcohol are also likely to comment as although it may be fine and the OP may never become addicted when it goes wrong it is catastrophic for everyone involved.

It’s the binge drinking that’s the problem, not so much what you have over a week. Eg a glass of wine a night probably ok but almost a bottle in a night is too much.

I’d just give it up entirely, after a while you won’t miss the drinking. If you’re stressed exercise works.

Yes any amount of alcohol is too much really. It's poison and a known carcinogenic.

But if you can I'd try to limit it to one bottle per week, otherwise it's a slippery slope.

I think it's often in the why you're drinking that becomes the problem. I think there's a difference between a 'heavy ' drinker and a problem drinker. Some people drink heavily (couple of glasses every night ) it doesn't affect them mentally or physically and their lives are more or less unaffected by their usage (although, side note here: it's obviously still dangerous for your physical health )

Then there's people (like I once was) that I call "mental health drinkers " where they're drinking for the wrong reasons, but not in any way physically addicted. I.e to cope with stress, to deal with anxiety or depression, to feel a break from low self esteem. To stop tension. To cope with life effectively. This may or may not be accompanied by problematic behaviour towards self and others whilst under the influence. (I no longer drink and don't really miss it ) I couldn't cope with hangovers as I got in my mid 30s regardless.

Ever tried 'trip' drinks (CBD drinks ) buy them from most supermarkets. CBD infused. They do make me feel chilled out (it's by no means a dramatic effect ) I also feel like I'm drinking something "adult" which helps. Why don't you try that ?

Asking this question alone would suggest that you are. It’s not doing you any good and it’s bad for your health. Stop if you can and get help if you need it.

Hi op. Objectively, it's too much. Before I stopped drinking I was drinking a bottle of wine at least 4 nights a week, but of course only a year or so before that it was only 3 nights and so on. So it can be a very slippery slope. Not for everyone but I knew I would be someone that would keep going because my df was a chronic alcoholic so I'd seen how it can take hold.

I find it interesting that you're drinking alone. Because I would sometimes do that. My dh would have a night off and I'd still have the bottle of wine. It was no fun having one of us "merry" and the other stone sober so I'd probably keep an eye on that side of things too (I eventually used to drink before he got in from work so he didn't know and then we'd have the evening "sober" together)

As for the evenings and wanting to pass the time, I said the same but it's amazing how your time just fills up with other stuff when you're not drinking. It's happened unintentionally for me and I'm not saying I'm making exceptionally great use of my evenings necessarily but I've noticed now I have "an evening" in a way I wouldn't have considered I did before. Basically I wouldn't worry about that part of it.

I find myself getting into the habit of drinking too much sometimes. For me it’s a little bit of an escape from reality and I like the taste.
I know when I’m drinking too much because my tolerance becomes higher so I don’t get the effect from just one drink.
i can always stop myself. I’m in that phase right now and as a PP suggested, I’m drinking CBD drinks instead. They really do take the edge off and help me chill. I find goodrays better than trip, but trip tastes nicer.

Na you're fine. I drink a litre of vodka per night. Wine is nothing.

Definitely too much.

Everyone has periods of intense stress, it’s normal. Sedating yourself with alcohol isn’t the answer. It’s a slippery slope and your partner is right to be concerned.

You need to find a healthier way of dealing with stress. Alcoholism is an awful disease, stop whilst you can.

Yes.

It is a lot yes, but it’s so easily done
At home our glasses and units are much larger than pub measurements
Ive done it myself I have large stemless wine glasses which hold almost half a bottle.
i don’t drink regularly at all, but when I do I go for it.
No need to quit unless you start to feel you can’t cope without it( ex DP alcoholic) but perhaps substitute alternate glasses with a juice or soft drink( in your wine glass)