AIBU to have just taken my daughter home from camp after a wobble, instead of forcing it?

[Amy8]

Took my nearly five-year-old to a holiday camp this morning. She's been before and usually enjoys it, but today she just wasn't in the mood. Kept asking if it was a half day and seemed really off. I had work straight after drop-off with back-to-back Teams meetings, so I needed it to go smoothly.

When we got there it was chaos. Loads of kids, staff looked overwhelmed, and no one really engaged with us. I was told to just walk her into the hall. She started crying and clinging to me, and it felt like no one noticed or cared. There was no attempt to help settle her. It just didn’t feel right. So I took her home.

I rang the camp a bit later to let them know, just in case they wondered where she was. Then I get a call back saying she’s absolutely fine now and has settled in nicely! Except… she hadn’t. She was sitting at home with me, back in her pyjamas eating strawberries. So they clearly mistook her for someone else, which doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence for trying again.

When I told my mum what happened (as need her for other days this summer), she said I should have left her to cry and that she would’ve been fine after a few minutes. But she never used holiday camps with me when I was little. I always went to a relative’s house, so it’s not really the same..is this a normal boomer parent?

Now I’m dealing with work, a clingy child, and the usual guilt. I didn’t want to traumatise her or feel like I was leaving her somewhere that didn’t feel safe. But part of me wonders if I overreacted and if I should have encouraged her to push through it :(
😢

I think you did the right thing and I'm usually on these threads moaning about how over protective everyone is these days. It sounds chaotic and they didn't even realise she had gone home! Awful.

4 is very young for that sort of thing, esp on her own. Might be easier with a friend?

Sounds like a shit camp. Find somewhere else and try again, start with half days.

she is 5 next week and it is the 5-7 category - but you probably right, we don't use these camps very often as married to a teacher, who needs to finish up already!!

but work was really important - so was a needs must situation

And no I don't think you over reacted, trust your instinct and follow your child's needs while she's still this young. That would be my approach.

Could you have taken her back after it all settled down if the initial chaos was the problem, the trouble is next time you take her (if you do) her expectation will be that if she gets upset you will take her home. Go a bit later next time?

That sounds totally unsafe for a 4 year old. If she can sit quietly at home while you work I would keep her at home. Unless you can find another place.

so last time this worked, in that she was dropped off early and a staff member held her hand and gave that bit of extra tlc - she loves that, was not the case today! it was the main drop off time

they have moved booking to Monday - don't need the childcare then, but may use it to make sure she isn't traumatised from this am

It sounds utterly shambolic!

The fact they didn't notice she wasn't dropped off, thought she was there (even when you told them she wasn't!) and didn't even realise she was 'missing' would absolute confirm to me that you did the right thing.

They didn't notice you arrive, didn't notice you leave, would they have noticed if she'd left on her own, or with another adult?!

Yanbu that camp sounds terrible!

I’d have taken her home too. For them to not even know she was there - or to lie that she was settled (do they just say that to all parents) is appalling.

Yanbu. Some holiday clubs are shocking. Basically a barn of noise and children.
I had awful problems with mine and ended up taking unpaid time off work as it was less stressful.

That sounds like a shit holiday camp, I wouldn’t use that one again. Some have fewer children in smaller groups and would definitely be able to identify individual children, which honestly should be a minimum!

It was different to other occasions

They don’t know which kid is which, that would be it for me!

Yes, I'd have taken her home too. I think you know when it's worth pushing through, and when it just isn't the right thing for them. Good call!

She is so young for camps. Our school camps won’t take children who are moving up from Reception to Year 1. They have to be a full Yr 1 already (so at this time of year that means moving up to Yr 2 in September) and (from my recollection of when DC was that age) some still struggle.

Usually I’d agree with your mum but absolutely not in this case and clearly your instincts were right because honestly that’s shocking! I wouldn’t use that camp again under any circumstances.

Your mother is wrong

this was a crap camp! You can find other places in future, the fact they didn’t even know who she was tells you everything you need to know

your child wouldn’t have been safe there.

you’ve done the right thing.

dont listen to your mother again, you’re clearly a better parent than she was.

they have mini camp 3-4 and then 5-7

she is always that in between stage being an August 2020 baby!

Disagree. Mine has been in school nursery since 2.5 so we’ve always used camps. You just need to find the good ones that are set up well for the little ones. We try to coordinate with friends too. My 4YO is at camp now and it’s at the school and run by the same company that do the wraparound care so no issues whatsoever thankfully! Half his class were there too and none appeared to be struggling at drop off.

What did they say when you told them she wasn’t there, but at home?

they seemed quite shocked and embarrassed at the mistake and very apologetic and then said they would investigate immediately, called back quickly and explained that the staff member on the receiving end had misheard the name and thought it was another girl.

they said on Monday someone would meet and greet my daughter, i dunno though - not so reassured.

What exactly is a "normal boomer parent"? 🙄