AIBU to have just taken my daughter home from camp after a wobble, instead of forcing it?

[Amy8]

Took my nearly five-year-old to a holiday camp this morning. She's been before and usually enjoys it, but today she just wasn't in the mood. Kept asking if it was a half day and seemed really off. I had work straight after drop-off with back-to-back Teams meetings, so I needed it to go smoothly.

When we got there it was chaos. Loads of kids, staff looked overwhelmed, and no one really engaged with us. I was told to just walk her into the hall. She started crying and clinging to me, and it felt like no one noticed or cared. There was no attempt to help settle her. It just didn’t feel right. So I took her home.

I rang the camp a bit later to let them know, just in case they wondered where she was. Then I get a call back saying she’s absolutely fine now and has settled in nicely! Except… she hadn’t. She was sitting at home with me, back in her pyjamas eating strawberries. So they clearly mistook her for someone else, which doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence for trying again.

When I told my mum what happened (as need her for other days this summer), she said I should have left her to cry and that she would’ve been fine after a few minutes. But she never used holiday camps with me when I was little. I always went to a relative’s house, so it’s not really the same..is this a normal boomer parent?

Now I’m dealing with work, a clingy child, and the usual guilt. I didn’t want to traumatise her or feel like I was leaving her somewhere that didn’t feel safe. But part of me wonders if I overreacted and if I should have encouraged her to push through it :(
😢

I used to volunteer at a church run summer group and we didnt take children who werent already in P1 (Scotland) but agree that if they are taking children from 3 they really need to be geared up for that in terms of knowing who's there etc.

I would have done the same thing and she would not be going back after that mess. I would look for somewhere else to try.

Was it one of those camps that are a free for all, run by well meaning volunteers?

You did absolutely the right thing. Please get hold of a copy of there's still no such thing as naughty by Kate Silverstone. This will help explain your DD's reaction, why yours was the correct response and hopefully, another try next week will be a positive experience.

the generational stereotype..mums happy with owning it too!

I’m normally in the ‘leave them to get used to it’ frame of mind and pushing through when there’s nerves can build resilience.
But no way would I compromise my child’s safety and leave them with adults who looked overwhelmed and didn’t even have a handle on who’s there and who isn’t. That’s unacceptable. Try another camp and ask for a refund.

I’d be more concerned, not that they mistook her for another child, but that’s a standard phrase they say to any parent regardless. To placate them.

I don’t think it’s a traumatising situation, but it doesn’t sound great. There’s no point in Childcare where you’re gonna be as worried and distracted as you would be if the child was sitting next to you while you’re on the phone working.

Maybe they had a bad morning who knows.

Don’t even doubt yourself, she’s 4 for gods sake.

Sometimes you need to trust your instincts.

I know people have to work and sometimes have little choice but to leave a small child to settle .. Stressful for parent and young child when it happens but so far so normal on some days.But they rang later to assure you she had settled ..when she wasn't there? Was sitting at home with you? That is truly shocking for caregivers of a 5 year old child. If they don't know who's in the building and who isn't they can't know whether some distressed child has managed to get out. To lie about her having settled means you can't trust them if they tell you they have comforted her and that she has settled in the future. You can't know for sure they even know who she is. As well as negligence regarding the care of kids there is a lack of integrity there that is highly unacceptable in a job as important as the safety of children. I would have deep reservations about leaving her there again.

No Tenby for taking her home. It sounds a mess and not geared up for the younger children. Try a smaller camp with some friends. I have a similar age dd and have to use holiday camps, it we only send her to ones run by her activities that her friends are going to, she’d hate a big noisy one where she doesn’t know anyone.

I remember the bleakness and overwhelm of those things when I was a kid, and I used to go with a sibling. Hated it. They are not for everyone

I wouldn't send her back. It's all well and good that they blamed another staff member for getting the wrong name but there should be management above the people working on the ground aware of everything, that's their job. It doesn't sit well with me anyway.

She’s too young! My dd went to a sports camp aged just 5 and this too was very busy with older kids also, it left her quite overwhelmed and teary when she was never usually like that. She needs a less chaotic club with more emphasis on ones her age, check online, there will be alternatives. This one sounds shocking, they weren’t looking out for her. Unacceptable-they should make sure little ones like her are settled in and not left milling about being worried

I had a DS who would cry at drop offs to holiday camp despite as soon as my back being turned being fine. We pushed through and he is now at nearly 8 fine with being dropped off to camps he knows. He still wont entertain the idea of a new camp or a different camp for a different activity but I have at least 2 that he is happy with. BUT we had the full support of the staff. They would take him and settle him while I walked away. Encourage him with support and winning trophies and medals for confidence gained / most improved player / player of the camp sort of thing. Its really hard if you dont have their support in the moment.

I would be more concerned they had her when they didn't!

You did the right thing.

in my experience sometimes camps are brilliant at this age, but also realistically sometimes it’s too much too young, but you don’t know until the day!

So you need to be flexible, which you were :)

Also it sounds like this one is not being run well (getting children muddled up is unforgivable!) so maybe ask for your money back and scrap this one!!

I’m sorry you’re having to juggle work stress today, but pat yourself on the back for the good parenting - work will figure itself out ; you have your priorities right x

She’s 4, she should have been in the 3-4 group not the 5-7

my ds is a September baby and at infant school I could always see a massive difference between him and his classmates who were 10-11 months younger than him even after being at school together for a couple of years.

does sound like an especially shite camp though

Agreeing with loads of others above. We use camps every holiday and I've never experienced anything like this. Do not take her back to that camp ever again! The phone call saying she had settled when she wasn't there is the reddest flag I have ever seen!

You cannot leave your child somewhere where they don't even know if she is there or not. They are lacking in basic care and I wouldn't trust them with a goldfish, let alone a child.

Sounds a really crap camp and not safe for such a young child.

I would see if you can get a refund for the other days on the basis of them not even knowing which child is which - or at worst sending you a stock response without even checking!

I do think 4 (or even 5) is very young for a summer camp, unless maybe it’s part of a hobby they already do.

I think you did the right thing. She's only little and the camp sounds chaotic and messy.

You did the right thing bringing her home given she was so upset and it was peak dropoff time and adding to the upset. She won't be traumatised unless you make it seem like she should be. It's just one day and it didn't work out.

She should be in the younger group. She'll likely be happier being an older one in the group. Do your best to drop her in when it's less busy on Monday and agree she can try it until lunch time if it helps - though if you don't need the childcare I'd sack it off unless she's keen to try again.

I disagree that she's too young for a holiday camp. Mine attended 9-3pm sessions in a local community centre at that age with no bother. They were led by kind staff and the kids had some low key fun. It really depends on the camp vibe, setup and staffing.

Normally I would say you should of left her she would of settled but the environment sounds unsafe so I think you did the right thing. Do you know what the numbers are how many kids per adult. Was the chaos just because everyone was arriving at once and separating to their own different age groups.

You lost me at “is this a normal boomer parent”.

Your Mum may be but don’t class us all the same! It’s very rude and judgemental.

I agree. Plus it doesn't fill you with confidence when they ring up and tell you she's happy at the camp and she's at home sitting next to you. They sound unprofessional and disorganised and I'd be looking for an alternative solution. Five is quite young. Your DM is wrong. She needed you and you reassured her. You had high motivation with work to make sure she went to camp so If you'd felt it was OK to leave her, you would have. You did the right thing.