Dreading anniversary as DH lack of present upsetting

[Manatee50]

Had a milestone wedding anniversary a few years ago and DH bought a thumb pot. Needless to say I was not impressed. Another major anniversary last year was sidelined by ‘I didn’t know what to get - I wanted us to choose something together’ but the time passed and nothing happened. Every year as the time approaches - I’m filled with disappointment beforehand as I know he hasn’t thought about it. I never ask for anything, in over 25 years of marriage the present front has been meagre - a book, a cd, flowers but nothing of real value or that he’s taken time to think about. Am I expecting too much. Feel guilty even venting this.

Next time make him feel guilty by buying him something lovely instead. After all, it is a mutual celebration.

Not sure, but it doesn't sound promising!

What would he do if you sent him a few links and said, "I'm sick of getting nothing or something rubbish for my birthday/anniversary. I would love anything off this list. DO NOT DEVIATE"?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to want your partner to celebrate your anniversaries and you with some thought and care. But, I guess much depends on what the rest of your relationship is like, as others have also said. If he is a loving, kind, thoughtful person but just inept at gift buying, if I were you, I would help him out with broad hints or you could both discuss and choose experience gifts for you as a couple (a mini-break, etc). If the thoughtlessness with gifts is a symptom of general thoughtlessness then that is much bigger issue.

My ex was like this with gifts, and I too dreaded our anniversaries because I would hope against hope that he would get his act together and then he would disappoint, usually spectacularly. One year stands out - I saw a beautifully gift wrapped present in the living room the day before, and thought it was for me but on the day I got nothing, and turned out it was for someone else! The only gifts from him in 25 years of marriage were gifts I just bought for myself and he paid for, and one his mother bought for me on his behalf. But it was a symptom of a much bigger problem in my case - he was a narcissist, and this was yet another form of emotional abuse, neglect and belittling. Thankfully, now an ex. My current partner buys me sweet thoughtful little gifts - not jewellery but things I need around the house and I would get joy out of. He did buy me PJs in a size larger than I wear which didn't go down well though 😆