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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MiL has really upset me

78 replies

ToadRage · 14/07/2025 12:46

I know on other post i have said i get on well with my Mil and we usually do but this last visit she really upset me. I am disabled and stopped working in January, my husband also changed his job to a part time one so he could take care of me. I get ESA and PIP. I went to bed early and when my husband came up he was really angry, i asked him why and she had apparently been ranting about him being a 'benefits bum'.

The next day when i was there, she started up again and was going on about 'Why can't he work full time' and 'Why couldn't he just walk into a £50k job and pay someone else to look after me', 'She's not happy' and how 'It's not what she wanted for him'. She is totally deluded to expect him to be able to find a job with a salary like that especially in the current jobs market, the average salary is only about 25/30k.

Does she think its what i wanted? That i chose to become disabled and have to give up working, use a walking stick and wear AFOs in my 30's. It took everything i have not to burst into tears cos although she didn't come right out and say it it felt like she was blaming me for him only working part time and him having to look after me. He did his best to defend me saying 'it was his job to look after me.' 'We didn't want a stranger coming in and doing it for him' but when she gets a thought in her head changing is nigh on impossible.

The next morning she had the nerve to ask him why he couldn't claim PIP for him autism.

As if her visits don't wear me out enough, am to be upset by all of this. He is not a' benefits bum' he is a carer, he knew what he signed up for when he married me.

OP posts:
VeryStressedMum · 10/08/2025 23:28

TheTwitcher11 · 10/08/2025 23:16

Without sounding rude here but when some of you refer to ‘after everything they’ve worked for’ or ‘giving up career prospects’ (or something along those lines) - it’s important to remember that some people just aren’t particularly ambitious and view a job as merely covering the basics

Yes that’s true. However I was thinking about my children, I can only speak about myself.
My two non disabled dc have worked very hard to progress in life. Also my disabled dc has also worked very hard to gain education with a view to potentially working in the future. I don’t know if that will happen but it keeps them going. It’s been a very long road and I am extremely proud regardless of what happens in the future.

Spanglemum02 · 10/08/2025 23:39

He could claim PIP for his autism if it impacts significantly on his life.

bingewatchingnetflix · 11/08/2025 02:26

VeryStressedMum · 10/08/2025 23:28

Yes that’s true. However I was thinking about my children, I can only speak about myself.
My two non disabled dc have worked very hard to progress in life. Also my disabled dc has also worked very hard to gain education with a view to potentially working in the future. I don’t know if that will happen but it keeps them going. It’s been a very long road and I am extremely proud regardless of what happens in the future.

Apologies wrong Quotation.
@TheTwitcher11
Is it not important to cover these? Mortgage / Rent and bills.. ??
Not judging you but I don’t think attitudes like this help our economy.
Don't worry though as careers might not be important to everyone; but it’s lucky that they are to some, the others who go out to earn so that the ‘unable/ workshy / carers / 100 appointments on the NHS people can still have their ‘essentials’.
Our welfare system is so good that some people now think that working to provide for yourself is an option.

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