To think you can drink tap water in a 1st world country!

[Drowninginconfusion]

My OH will not drink tap water and it drives me insane. He just drove 20 minutes home at 10pm because he left half a bottle of water on the side at home and no shops are open and in his words ‘I take my water seriously’

I think the reason it drives me insane is because the reason he won’t drink it is because of the hormones etc in it but yet he has spent his whole life being obese. He goes through intense phases of working out and eating really well and loses weight but ultimately he is still obese and thinks that the one time he got to 17st is some sort of achievement that he needs to tell me about allllllll the time. He drives without a seatbelt on, he took pretty hard drugs as a young man and has always drunk alcohol (although he barely does these things now) I think another reason is that he constantly watches strong men / sports personalities talking about their workouts and nutrition and he insists on telling me about things that I have no interest in and have told him as much - after many years of politely saying ‘ooh interesting’ whilst secretly thinking ‘I bet you weren’t thinking about the processed meats giving you cancer when you ate your McDonalds wrap for breakfast 😡’ or ‘I’m 9 years older than you and manage to get more done in any given day than you do despite the fact that I’m not interested in an ice bath’ I know there’s no link to obesity from tap water but Jesus Christ something has to kill you! I doubt it will be the rusty pipes or hormones in the water! He had the audacity to ask me if I felt comfortable eating a sweetie the other day (not fat shaming me, I’m not fat, more that he wanted to make the point that there were no ingredients on the wrapper, pretty sure there were no ingredients on the sweet and sour chicken from the Chinese that he ate last night either 🤪)

I also know lots of you are going to tell me to get a grip and let him live as he pleases but if you had to listen to him go on and on about it whilst he’s sat there sweating and needing 400 bowel movements a day you would find it a hard pill to swallow.

Do you drink tap water? AIBU to think that in an emergency a bit of tap water isn’t going to kill you!

If I can be straight with you. I only see unhealthy fat people or processed food eaters buy those 20 plus packets of water at the supermarket.

It’s never healthy people.

Only drinks bottled water, but smacks out chicken and chips.

Water aside Op, you clearly despise your oh and most of the post consisted of you deriding him. Why don't you do you BOTH a favour and just split up? Sounds like you would both be happier doing your own thing.

Well it's his body he can put what he wants in it so long as he is prepared to go and get it and pay for it.

No, not all water in first world countries is treated and maintained to the same standards. Some is very pure (I think maybe places like Norway) and probably hardly needs to be treated at all. It doesn't have the chlorine taste UK water has. I've actually drunk from streams in Norway, albeit from ones very high up. I wouldn't even consider that in the UK.

Some is treated with lots of chlorine, fluoride, amines I think. I have had tap water from the south of the US that tastes very sulphurous.

He sounds a bit insufferable though with his hypocrisy.

I was under the impression that Trump goes in for the sort of crackpot health nonsense that you do.

I've been drinking water in hard-water areas all my life. And here I am.

It's fine and safe as its heavily regulated in the UK.

However ....he's not altogether wrong about the hormones as that's been proven. There's also the issue of forever chemicals, lead in the pipes depending on the age of your home and believe it or not a link with lots of cancers from bracken where it grows near the rivers and contaminates water sources and even milk.

Who knew bracken ferns cause cancer? My plants went straight in the bin lol.

The water sounds like the least of your worries

But @Drowninginconfusion you aren't responsible for him being homeless if you chuck him out. Firstly because his behaviour is the reason he is being thrown out. Secondly because he could stay with family even if he doesn't want to and doesn't get on with them. And thirdly because he ultimately could find other solutions like getting a job, renting a room, staying with friends etc. You need to remember that you are not being nice by not making him leave, you are ultimately hurting yourself and your children and that is not a nice thing to do. He has made you so exhausted and whittled down you can't even face making him leave - imagine how much better you will feel when you can breathe and have space in your own house?

You’re right, of course he can. I think it’s more the hypocrisy of it and how this rigid attitude actually impacts me - I had locked up and was on my way to bed when he came back and I had to unlock the house etc (it’s difficult to explain to someone that has a very normal carry on at home why this gave me a bit of anxiety). I didn’t say this in the original post because it was more of a rant but he would be annoyed if it were my teenage son for example who had forgotten something (that most people might consider insignificant) and needed to come back - he would have had a million questions and said he needs to take more responsibility etc when he is actually like a teenager himself! He has no self awareness at all!

Regardless of the tap water issue, "What lovely company you keep" is a silly argument.

Do you like dogs or follow a vegetarian diet? So did Hitler.
Do you support the Palestinians in the Gaza war? So do the murdering rapists of October 2023.
Or do you support the Israelis? So do Smotrich and Ben Gvir, the ultra-right wing Israelis who want a complete takeover of Gaza and regard Gazans as animals.
Do you support more trans rights? So do the TRAs who send death and rape threats to gender realists.
Or do you support gender realists? So do Trump and the US anti-abortion faction.

Would it make sense to point out the lovely company you keep?

It is possible to agree with someone on one issue but not on other issues, you know.

Tap water is fine but it sounds as though you don’t really like your partner. I don’t blame you, I don’t think I would like him either. Why are you in a relationship with him though?

Sorry…I’ve read on and I see it’s complicated. I hope you’ll be able to separate as you’d likely both be happier in the long run.

I think you’re right we both would be. He says I’m his best friend and his world all the time but I think I just make his life easier and he knows he would struggle alone but I do think he would be psychologically happier.

Do you remember Camelford, Cornwall? 20 tonnes of aluminium sulphate tipped into the wrong tank by a relief driver in 1988. Only discovered after many people were very ill.
Accidents happen, sometimes to the water supply. Not frequently thankfully.
Then again, accidents and sometimes malicious interference happen to bottles and jars of stuff too. Life is a risky.

This smacks of something bigger than just water and breaking the law (he doesn't get to choose not to wear a seatbelt after all) and if you are @Drowninginconfusion then he is drowning in a certain Egyptian river!

It is endlessly infuriating to be with someone who cannot see their own hypocrisy, even more so when they are evangelical about the bits of pieces of science they have picked up through confirmation bias.

Sounds like the time for confronting him may well be past and now it needs to be about you deciding what is right for you and what you want to do. I wish you luck and send you sympathy in the meantime.

Oh lovely, of course you make his life easier. You are such a nice person, that comes through in your posts. You make everything happen so he can do his bottled water thing and other stuff. He's living in your house. Has he ever lived in his own place or did he go straight from his mammy to you, possibly via a wife? Stand up for yourself. You deserve better than a man child to parent by stealth.

You already know he came straight to me don’t you? 🤣

I often think that we would be better splitting and him either being alone or with another (stronger) woman who tells him that his behaviour is unacceptable (of course I have over the years but hearing it from someone else might just make him realise) and that we might then come back together at some point - probably ludicrous. But you do learn from broken relationships, I’ve done lots of self reflection from the split from my eldest 2’s father (long term relationship, as is this).

He has redeeming qualities, he is generous and funny and actually quite intelligent but he has some issues.

Thanks for your kind words.

Well that tells me it's not my ex then @Drowninginconfusion !
He's untrainable. So is yours. The world would be better if we could send these men to a school type place where they are taught to be helpful equal partners in a relationship. It would solve most of the issues people post about in here. A bit like military service but house training!

The taste is one thing. A matter of ummm taste! But it won't hurt you at all and the dissolved minerals are actually beneficial. I think people saw your post and thought you meant it was unhealthy rather than healthy but an acquired taste of you have sensitive tastebuds.

Lead in pipes is less of a problem than you would think because it oxidises.veru fast and becomes non reactive. So obviously you want them to use different materials now but old lead pipes aren't.a huge health risk. What is very dangerous, and this happened in Flint US,.is when tap water flowing through old lead pipes becomes contaminated so it becomes corrosive. In Flint the water was corrosive enough to dissolve the lead into the water. Which people then drank. Horrific..but yeah, that was also a complete failure of regulation and a complete lack of joined up thinking. The short explanation for Flint was "lead pipes" but the real story is so much worse.

Hormones in water is a complicated one. There is some panic about oestrogen in the water supply eg streams and rivers (90% of it comes from agriculture btw so its not actually the pull at fault). But i would be more worried about the chemicals in plastic in the bottled water which are thought to affect.how the body processes testosterone etc. I dont worry about it,.because there are only so many things you can worry about. But its not logical to favour bottled water over tap water because of hormones.

Thank you for realising what I meant 😅

Streams - no. Even in Norway, I guess. Our science teacher told us of drinking from a stream and then finding a dead sheep. We laughed. she used to joke, deadpan. But I've been trekking around on field trips with OU, and believe me, there is always a dead sheep. I did drink some water at Malham Cove where it came out from underground - it had a metallic taste. Idiot me had forgotten the lead mines upstream. Take your own water bottle.

I never used to notice the taste till i moved to a different area and found it tastes odd when I moved back. Now I'm back to thinking it's how water should taste. I think it's like bitter - you need to power through to the point where you like it (or also use a filter).

Most people I know use a jug filter at least

The taste of chlorine is very strong and ruins any drink