WIBU to fly abroad with pneumonia and DC with a chest infection?

[OreoBiscuitPie]

We are due to leave on Wednesday to go to Canada. DH’s sister lives there, he hasn’t seen her for 15 years and has never met his niece and nephew who are 11 and 4. There’s a long complicated story as to why it has been like this but basically his family are from a poor country in Eastern Europe, managed to emigrate to Canada eventually, but DH’s mum couldn’t get residency so they all got deported and essentially banned from the country, the sister was allowed to stay as was an adult had a Canadian partner by then. DH was only a teenager at the time. After years of fighting with the Canadian immigration system and an appeal involving an immigration lawyer we managed to get the ban overturned so he can finally visit his sister for 2 weeks. We don’t earn particularly well and it took a lot of saving.

We’re going with our 3 year old. This trip has been planned for 2 years. Sod’s Law, we all caught Covid about a month ago. DH recovered very quickly. Me and DD recovered quickly too but have since both developed chest infections. It seemed to go away then come back. DD has been checked out at a walk-in centre a few days ago and now on treatment, she is recovering and only has the lingering cough now and no temperature or chills but she’s still not 100% herself.

I went to GP yesterday to finally sort myself out. I’ve had the cough, green mucus and headaches etc but I’ve not bothered about myself as I’ve been so worried about DD. With her finally on the mend I’ve finally found the energy to get myself seen. GP didn’t like sound of my chest and sent me to walk-in centre where I was diagnosed with fucking walking pneumonia. Advised by doctors that it’s not recommend to fly but that if absolutely necessary then I can.

I was so excited to meet DH’s sister and kids and vice versa. DH desperate for his daughter to meet his sister. I feel as though we have to go, and I want to, but my family are worried and telling me not to. I feel there’s no choice. We’ve been advised we’re not contagious to others. In a way I think it might help me recover as we’ll be guests so I can take things a bit easy and have someone cook for me, not be cleaning or cooking etc like I would be at home, so maybe it will help me recover? AIBU?

Exactly. The child would be fine.

I guess the worry for me is that she won’t be insured if she deteriorates while on holiday.

How on earth would you know? Do you know the child personally? It’s a really shit situation and a hard choice to make so I can see why the op is looking at every option. Sending a sick kid half way around the world when they’re likely to be upset and wanting their mum is not ideal either.

But as pp have said, it would be much worse if you went and deteriorated on the flight or once you arrived. Equally tough if you deteriorate at home and have to care for your dc without your husband there. Do you have other support?

I think I would send dh. See how you go and look to reschedule if you start feeling better. But I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

I don't think you would be insured but you need to check with your travel insurer otherwise it could cost you tens of thousands of pounds.

Husband and child go as planned. You claim against insurance to reschedule your flight to join them in a week by which time you’ve hopefully recovered?

Are you a psychic doctor?

Because the OPs doctor, who is has examined her, has advised her not to fly.

Exactly this. The only sensible solution in this situation.

OP I know you’re feeling rotten and being negative, I get it. But please do this, you’ll regret it if you stop the other two from going.

I would send DH and you try and go for the second week if you feel better after a week of antibiotics. I definitely wouldn’t fly yet though it is too risky.

Frankly, no.
I've had pneumonia ( young, healthy and in my 20s) and like you ignored a chest infection as kids were so poorly.
Then ended up admitted to hospital on oxygen etc and IV antibiotics as my sats were low.
Discharged myself after 24 hours as the ward i was on wasn't allowed visitors and I hadn't seen my 8 month old baby or 2 year old and was distressed that 8 month old wouldn't take a bottle and hadn't fed for so long.
Ended up back in hospital obviously but thankfully on a different ward and I took 8 month old who was still feeding with me.
Six months later when I went back to work i was still in pain and short of breath running ( have an active job) the following winter i went down with it again.

I honestly have never been so ill in my life. I was at the time frankly superhuman surviving with the little ones but it really took its toll on me.

I didn't run for 18 months, had recurrent wheeze sporadically and badly with any virus.

You would be mad to do a long haul flight in that state.

I know it's heart breaking but claim on your travel insurance and rebook.

You are annoyed about being sneezed on. Yet, you're willing to travel while contagious and spread your germs to others

It would be astonishingly selfish to make your child fly, and to subject other passengers to your illness. Come on.

Do you have family support you can line up to reassure him about this? It’s a fair concern, pneumonia can need hospitalising if you’re not resting.
as others say, you can’t fly and nor would I take a not well 3yo long haul sorry. (Have done lots of long haul with kids)

I wouldn’t go. You will feel ill with the pressure difference and you might get lower oxygen levels. Your kid has a chest infection which will make them cranky on the plane. You might find that your health insurance won’t work as you’ve travelled with this illness- one to check up on. You won’t get a rest as you’ll be in someone’s else’s house/hotel with a three year old. You might not be able to travel back if you get too sick to fly.

Don't you have cancellation insurance? They will refund for pneumonia for sure. Then you can rebook once you're all well enough.

I don’t think you or your child should go. Let DH travel alone. She’s so young and the idea of her being so far away from mummy when she’s been so poorly seems very unfair for her.

Your DH and child should go. I know you want to believe that your child won't cope without you but that's not a given, that's a more of you not wanting to accept that they might.
She'll be meeting her family and they'll be lovin and spoiling her to bits. I know you want to be there but don't make them miss out because you can't.

Catch a plan out in a couple of days if you are feeling better

I'm really beginning to wonder whether the OP has actually got travel insurance, as while she's said her husband was on the phone to them, she hasn't come back and told us what the outcome was, and hasn't answered at least two people including myself, when we've asked outright if she has insurance. If she has, then none of them need to go. OK the time booked off work etc., would be wasted, but better that than them be separated and DD be miserable, or DH to go and then the OP struggles to care for her DD while she is still sick. Everyone seems to thing that antibiotics work miracles, but they don't always work on the first course in my experience, so OP may still need another course before she's back on her feet properly.

I don’t think your child should go either.

I don’t understand the people saying she should go without you.

if flying is not safe for the OP, it is not safe for DD either.

She had a chest infection and the doctor obviously thinks it is bacterial as they have prescribed antibiotics. I presume a 7 day course?
You don’t know she will be better by the time she flys.
she could well have the same bacteria as OP.
hers may currently only be in her bronchi but after a long haul flight it could well end up in her alveoli and as pneumonia.
I expect she would find it painful too.

Encourage your DH to go.

This. You'd be mad to risk it and it would be so painful.on the flight.

OP I'll cross my fingers that the insurance pays for postponement and DH's sister can rebook leave (difficult, I know). Don't beat yourself up.

I lived in Canada for a while. I was a 'provincial nominee' fot immigration, which is supposed to be plain sailing, and it was still unpleasant. Funnily enough I had to get a lung x-ray, which became a whole thing because I was pregnant at the time.

I feel for your husband and his whole family, I hope his mum has been unbanned too. It's a shit situation, but you'll think of something. You'll meet his sister one day

I agree, it might be the absolute making of their relationship. And you will get to rest. She will be well cared for by her father and family. Missing you isn’t the end of the world.

Well, pnumonia turned bad can lead to sepsis and meningitis. It happened to my sisters husband and he ended up in an induced coma. Seemed ok one moment and then a few hours later it turned.
So, no, although most cases turn out ok, I personally would not want to risk it until I was definitely on the mend

Sorry if I missed this and I know its not really the point, but why cant his Dsis come to visit you? Is she not allowed to leave Canada?

DH and DD go you stay at home to recover, it’s a bummer but not the end of the world.