To not feel the need to deal with my aversion / phobia of dogs?

[myissuemychoice]

I don’t like dogs - nothing against them in a malicious way, I just don’t like them on 2 levels. I have a phobia and am quite scared of them but I also have a severe sensory aversion to the smell of dog and anywhere they’ve been (due to ASD and OCD). Just the thought of hair / slobber/ dog poo etc. it’s just not for me.

I manage this by avoiding dogs. I don’t go to any dog friendly cafes etc (I don’t mind that they exist I can see why a lot of people like them it’s fine), if we go out and I see a dog running at us in a park for example I’ll do my best to just quickly move out of the way etc with as little fuss as possible.

The problem is that in the last few years since Covid a lot of family have got puppies / dogs and now I can’t go to their homes at all. They are all telling me to have therapy/ put up with it for a couple of hours . I don’t want to ! They can see us out somewhere or at our house so it wouldn’t affect any relationships . It keeps being mentioned as something I need to change but I’m quite happy managing things as I am ? AIBU to just carry on as I am ?

You do you.

YANBU

If it’s not impacting you and you aren’t trying to make others behave differently, then there’s nothing to change.

M They just can’t believe you don’t like their dogs 🤣 speaking as a proud dog owner mum!

It sounds like you just really don’t do dogs and that is OK -
doesn’t mean you have OCD or need therapy

therapy wouldn’t work if u don’t like dogs, don’t want to be around them and that suits you -

Therapy can help people who have OCD or phobias that is impacting negatively on their lives and they want to address that - that doesn’t sound like where you are at !

be assertive - say you just don’t do dogs !!

Dog threads out in force this weekend 😆

If you have an actual phobia, you don't need to add that you're 'quite scared' of them.

I’ve managed it fine for ages and it was never such a big issue till now when so many family members have dogs suddenly it’s a big deal and they are saying all the time that I need some kind of therapy! I do suspect it has a lot to do with the expectation that we would have helped with dog care when they are on holiday etc and that’s irritated them as when they asked dh he said no and obviously that’s because of me !

I'm with you on most of that. It's very difficult to find a cafe that's dog free nowadays though and I don't fancy eating with smelly dogs nearby.
I would have thought it was good manners to put the dog in another room if guests come.
I don't mind dogs as much as the OP but I hate them jumping up at me. Dog lovers will say that's the owners fault but it seems to be every dog I've met.

“go to (expensive) therapy so we can use you for free dog sitting”

cheeky fuckers.

I’ve put YABU simply because as you said, dogs are everywhere and there will be times it would be easier not to be afraid of them. I’d say the same thing about spiders, cats, any other random creature that exists in the world and could cross your path one day. Doesn’t mean you have to go full on furbaby auntie cuddling all your friends’ dogs! I say this as someone who is cautious of unknown dogs since being bitten as a teenager. I’d love to not mind dogs which come running over but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be like that.

I've kept dogs my entire life - mostly medium to large dogs and I have no fear of them with the exception of Pitbulls and XL Bullies, for obvious reasons. What I am frightened of is moths to the point where I will not put the light on in a room in which a window is open for fear one might fly in. It's completely illogical I know but it is what it is. I empathise with your phobia and wouldn't expect you to come to my house, I would offer to meet you elsewhere.

As a dog owner and pet lover in general I do understand your thoughts.

therapy won’t work as you openly admit you don’t like dogs it’s not just a fear etc.

if I had a friend like you then I would completely understand why you didn’t want to visit but then you would have to understand why I would be cutting get togethers short (need to get home for the dog if he’s alone) or not making plans etc

I live alone so when I go out I usually like to be home in a max of 4 hours for the dog. I just don’t think it’s fair leaving him longer. Can occasionally get a dog sitter though.

You do you but keep in mind that there will be times you’ll miss out etc. I know with friends / family that have dogs get togethers in houses/gardens usually involve the dogs coming along (we’re mainly animal lovers and those that aren’t tolerate it) and I’ve found more recently as we get older we will choose dog friendly cafes/bars etc for catchups. We don’t have many wild nights out now and dog walks with lunch/few pints etc is the norm.

The only time I'd disagree is if a persons phobic reaction put them at a higher risk of being bitten.

YANBU. I am similar to you in that I am very wary of dogs although I wouldn’t say terrified , unless they run at me. However like you I also don’t like the idea of their smell/slobber and the fact they can try and sniff or lick you after sniffing or eating poo etc - so just don’t want to be around them.

To be honest I wouldn’t always view a fear of dogs as a phobia, the same way a fear of a (non poisonous) spider is a phobia.

Because the spider is harmless whereas the dog is potentially not. Thousands of people are treated for dog bites each year by the RSPCA. Even a “friendly” dog can accidentally scratch or knock you over. These kind of incident are not that rare. I avoid dogs and it’s still happened to me a couple of times in the last few years alone.

The fear or “phobia” of dogs is not completely unfounded or illogical

Fortunately for me most of my friends and family don’t have dogs. But the few that do respect I’m not keen on them and are happy to keep their dog away if I visit (rarely) and don’t bring them to coffee meet ups etc.

when I was younger I had a couple of friends who had very well trained dogs that I quite liked as they’d just say hi with a paw then leave me alone. Nowadays a lot more dogs are poorly trained so I prefer to stay clear altogether.

Sounds like your friends/family have selfish reasons for wanting you to “get over it” and that’s why they’re not letting it go. Stand your ground Op!

You realise you’re weird , right .

of course she’s not weird,
you realise you’re rude,right?

She’s not weird.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I don’t mind dogs but they do stink and I hate being in a house that smells of dogs so I also would just arrange to meet dog owners somewhere else. And that’s fine!

I've put YABU because I think it's a reasonable expectation of someone that they can be around dogs in a low key sort of way. Just in a sort of this is a normal thing in society sort of way. If you can't then it can make life difficult in various ways and I think we should all be aware of the effect our needs and wants have on others as part of the give and take of life.

None of that means I'd expect you to dog sit or whatever. And I have sympathy for you with the increased numbers of dogs. I like them but it can get kind of annoying when every other person has one and has to get home for the dog/can't do x because of the dog etc.

If you're happy for your life to be limited by your phobia than that's down to you. As long as you aren't trying to manipulate or dictate what other people do.

Personally I have a serious mental illness (schizoaffective disorder) and I don't let it dictate or limit my life. I fight to keep it under control. It seems strange to me that someone would choose to limit their life rather than tackle their anxiety.

I don’t feel it is limiting my life though it’s not as if I wish I could like dogs because I want one I just don’t like them and don’t really give it a second thought unless I need to avoid them. It shouldn’t be a barrier to family relationships as there are plenty of alternatives to meeting up in dog free places but I’m not the one who keeps making it into a bigger issue than it is I’d have hoped my/dh family could just accept it as part of who I am and realise that we can meet up at different places.

I'm not quite the same as you in that I. Not scared of dogs however I can't fucking stand them. The smell, the slobber the annoying jumping up. Anyone I know with a dog knows to never bring them by me and I won't visit their houses either. It's ok to not like dogs, no matter what anyone says

In my previous post I meant to say thousands of people are treated each year for dog bites by the NHS - not the RSPCA 😂

🤣

Its your choice and you absolutely have the right to avoid dogs and not have them in your home. I don't allow my dog to approach anyone
However, if you think its negatively impacting your life and it would benefit you to get therapy then it might not be a bad idea