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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel the need to deal with my aversion / phobia of dogs?

66 replies

myissuemychoice · 13/07/2025 13:32

I don’t like dogs - nothing against them in a malicious way, I just don’t like them on 2 levels. I have a phobia and am quite scared of them but I also have a severe sensory aversion to the smell of dog and anywhere they’ve been (due to ASD and OCD). Just the thought of hair / slobber/ dog poo etc. it’s just not for me.

I manage this by avoiding dogs. I don’t go to any dog friendly cafes etc (I don’t mind that they exist I can see why a lot of people like them it’s fine), if we go out and I see a dog running at us in a park for example I’ll do my best to just quickly move out of the way etc with as little fuss as possible.

The problem is that in the last few years since Covid a lot of family have got puppies / dogs and now I can’t go to their homes at all. They are all telling me to have therapy/ put up with it for a couple of hours . I don’t want to ! They can see us out somewhere or at our house so it wouldn’t affect any relationships . It keeps being mentioned as something I need to change but I’m quite happy managing things as I am ? AIBU to just carry on as I am ?

OP posts:
Steelworks · 13/07/2025 15:53

Thats fine. You’re managing your fear without imposing on others.

I guess the only problem would be if your friends say they want to go to the new beachside cafe, which is also open to dogs, and you start kicking up a fuss as you won’t /can’t go there, instead of just withdrawing from the invite.

Sladuf1 · 13/07/2025 16:18

YANBU.

I think you may well have hit the nail on the head wondering whether suggestions from family about getting therapy are because you’ve put the spanner in the works and they’d be dumping their dogs on you for holidays etc.

It is perfectly fine for you to want as little to do with dogs as possible and keep your distance. It’s up to others to do their bit and be respectful of your boundaries.

stichguru · 13/07/2025 16:20

I don't think you need to worry, however they do have as much right to want to limit the time they are without their dog/not pay for a dog sitter etc, just as much as you have the right not to like dogs!

SaintGermain · 13/07/2025 16:20

Moltenpink · 13/07/2025 14:30

Was going to say YABU but then realised I don’t go to FIL’s house as it is full of giant spiders. So YANBU really

Please would you kindly give us the name of the town that he lives in so that arachnophobes can avoid ever going there?! 😱

Imagine moving next door to him?! I would build a moat around my house! 😂

SaintGermain · 13/07/2025 16:32

I have six dogs so obviously I’m not scared of them.

I think the problem lies for people that do have a genuine phobia about them is that the phobia isn’t taken as seriously as a phobia about spiders/flying/heights etc.

I met a woman once who crying her eyes out because she had a phobia about cats.

We were on a golf trip and had to walk from the accommodation up to the clubhouse for our meals and there were semi feral cats in the grounds as part of the golf club.

Her husband had abandoned her and several other people laughed and told her not to be so ridiculous as the cats were just sitting by the side of the path and she could easily walk past them.

She was shaking and crying but eventually agreed to walk with her eyes shut with an arm around my waist and my arm around hers and on the opposite side to the cats.

We set off and that poor woman was shaking so much I felt every tremor.

We made it to the clubhouse house and I told my husband and he was furious that her husband had abandoned her and we agreed she could sit with us which she did.

As a child she had been pushed into the cupboard under the stairs by her elder brother and in the darkness she had trod on the family cat who had then hissed, screamed and attacked her bare legs resulting in her being hurt and cut.

So you never know what is behind some people’s fears.

We were in contact for while but I no longer play golf and she did later on get a divorce from her unsympathetic husband!

Bluevelvetsofa · 13/07/2025 16:38

I don’t like dogs and I am annoyed by dog owners who think rules don’t apply to them. Dogs are not allowed on the beach here in the summer months, but there are always dogs on the beach. Dogs are required to be on a short lead on the promenade, but most dogs are running free. I think it’s unfair to ignore regulations and assume no one minds.

PolyVagalNerve · 13/07/2025 16:45

myissuemychoice · 13/07/2025 14:59

It’s fear it’s completely different to the aversion about the smell etc

Show quote history

Ok, that does sound like a phobic / threat response -
that could benefit from CBT therapy -
but of course only if u wish to!

im phobic of spiders, and no I don’t want to overcome this phobia i want to continue to avoid !!

Blackoffe · 14/07/2025 12:54

SaintGermain · 13/07/2025 16:32

I have six dogs so obviously I’m not scared of them.

I think the problem lies for people that do have a genuine phobia about them is that the phobia isn’t taken as seriously as a phobia about spiders/flying/heights etc.

I met a woman once who crying her eyes out because she had a phobia about cats.

We were on a golf trip and had to walk from the accommodation up to the clubhouse for our meals and there were semi feral cats in the grounds as part of the golf club.

Her husband had abandoned her and several other people laughed and told her not to be so ridiculous as the cats were just sitting by the side of the path and she could easily walk past them.

She was shaking and crying but eventually agreed to walk with her eyes shut with an arm around my waist and my arm around hers and on the opposite side to the cats.

We set off and that poor woman was shaking so much I felt every tremor.

We made it to the clubhouse house and I told my husband and he was furious that her husband had abandoned her and we agreed she could sit with us which she did.

As a child she had been pushed into the cupboard under the stairs by her elder brother and in the darkness she had trod on the family cat who had then hissed, screamed and attacked her bare legs resulting in her being hurt and cut.

So you never know what is behind some people’s fears.

We were in contact for while but I no longer play golf and she did later on get a divorce from her unsympathetic husband!

Her now ex- husband sounds awful. Poor woman. I’m sure she appreciated your support after a lifetime of having her phobia dismissed.

That’s interesting about her backstory - I had something slightly similar. Two things actually. When I was 10, I knocked on a friends door and he and his whole family was out, the cat appeared, walked up and scratched my bare leg. It wasn’t bleeding but it gave me nasty shock. I remember getting back on my bike and cycling away as fast as I could.

The second time, a friends cat came in between my legs. I didn’t notice it was there, I moved - perhaps scared it and it went crazy lots of scratching and hissing. Thankfully was wearing trousers though. I don’t think any of the scratches pierced my skin. But I was so shaken up.

I wouldn’t say I have a phobia of cats though, I am just aware they are unpredictable like dogs and it’s possible they may lash out - as they have done twice before - so I choose to stay away from them. IMO my response to them is actually really logical. I’d be annoyed if someone tried to make me “get over it”.

FfaCoff · 14/07/2025 13:03

I have a similar aversion but not as bad (I don't have OCD). My mates with dogs just keep them away from me when I visit their houses - I've never asked the to by the way, they just know I'm nervous and do it anyway.

Similarly I have a friend who is phobic of cats so I keep my cat away when they visit.

Seems a more sensible solution than trying to get your mates to have therapy

Straycats · 14/07/2025 19:51

Am a bit similar to you in that the smell of dogs make me gag, when licked by my friends dog I can’t wait to get home and have a thorough wash.

TherapyFrog · 14/07/2025 20:31

Holdonforsummer · 13/07/2025 13:33

You do you.

^

dEdiCatEdFeliNeEntHusiAst · 15/07/2025 17:11

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If you are happy to avoid situations where there are dogs then that's fine. I actively avoid places and situations where there are babies/kids as I don't like them and have no desire to be around them but no one has suggested I have therapy for it !
But if someone mentions they have a dog or cat that would like a hug I'm round their house like a shot 🙂

CommonAsMucklowe · 16/07/2025 12:51

Would you consider still going to the family members home if the dog was put in another room?
I am a dog owner and lover but I would certainly try to make it easy for anyone who did not like dogs. Seems unfair just to say get therapy, that's akin to saying pull your socks up!

Original poster
myissuemychoice · 16/07/2025 15:05

CommonAsMucklowe · 16/07/2025 12:51

Would you consider still going to the family members home if the dog was put in another room?
I am a dog owner and lover but I would certainly try to make it easy for anyone who did not like dogs. Seems unfair just to say get therapy, that's akin to saying pull your socks up!

I can’t because the smell is still there and I genuinely can’t cope with it at all it makes me actually sick

OP posts:
Catladywithoutacat · 16/07/2025 16:25

This is YOUR problem not anyone else’s the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Original poster
myissuemychoice · 16/07/2025 16:37

Catladywithoutacat · 16/07/2025 16:25

This is YOUR problem not anyone else’s the world doesn’t revolve around you.

And I don’t expect them to revolve around me. I offer an explanation and alternatives to social situations. It’s their choice to decline but they then moan about it

OP posts:
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