Aibu or is pathetic husband syndrome on the rise

[rOsie80]

I feel like I have far too many females friends who’s husbands are out of work / unable to work / suffering mental health issues / can’t cope with the children. But ultimately they have less responsibility than their wives, even before they suffer these things. Why are men so weak these days (or has it always been this way really??)

No idea. I refuse to have one 😁.

😆

Fuck knows. I’ve kind of given up with them.

Yep, I had one of these - he’s gone off to be hopeless with someone else now. Mind you, my father was hopeless, so unsure if it’s more common now…..

Personally I think it's because women have mostly finally realised they can do things themselves and just crack on. A certain kind of man, without a very defined niche that he can dominate feels a bit superfluous. They have to be better than a generation ago to find an employer and a partner willing to tolerate them and a lot just haven't made that leap. That's my own entirely unscientific opinion. I do know that my ex who chose to leave for ow, took a demotion and fell off the housing ladder to do so mostly blames me for his subsequent lack.of financial security. 🤣

I don’t know anyone like this but it seems to crop up often on here.

A few of my friends have come to the conclusion that life is better without men, if you have a good friendship group and aren’t reliant on them for money. We are all in older - in our 50s and 60s. I have never been happier to be a lesbian in all my life 😂

I don’t know anyone like this. But I think it’s a bit harsh to lump together men with mental health problems, and pathetic lazy men.

@ShesTheAlbatross I get what you mean but I also do think that sometimes a bit of stiff upper lip and sucking it up wouldn't go amiss. It's always a balance I know but I do think it is too easy now for both men and women to just check out of getting shit done and expecting others to support them.

interesting, what other medical conditions does stiff upper lip cure? PND?

It is bad with some men. My dad wasn't hands on very much, and did naff-all domestic chores (but he did play games with us, and we had fun with him...) But it was forever thus... The men worked, and went to the pub with their mates, and the women did the 'wifework.' But the men still worked hard in their paid job.

But now, more men than ever are lazy, workshy, and always 'ill.' I know a number of women who have men who have had one health issue after another over the past 5-7 years, and are always 'ill' and in and out of the GP and going to hospital and specialist appointments. Nothing is ever found as they're hyprochondriacs. Spend 10% to 15% of the year off sick. (That's the ones who actually have a job!)

Then they have no friends and no hobbies, so cling on to the wife like a limpet, following her around like a toddler, wanting to 'chat' and be entertained. Asking where everything is, without even bothering to look, and expecting her to be his teacher - and guide. 🙄

These are all men aged around 45 to 65 by the way. (Born between the early 1960s and the early 1980s...) My dad, grandfathers, and uncles etc, (born a quarter century or so before - or earlier,) never went to the GP, never went to hospital, and never had time off work. The women never had to work either as the men earned well, (although a few women did.)

Some men (these days) are an embarrassment. They're lucky they can get any woman to stick with them.

I don't think every slump or bad patch is a medical condition.

I don't know any men like this in real life. You read about them on here but women on here have generally come for a moan. My husband is brilliant.
Statistically, there are more women than men in the UK who quit paid work early because they find work outside of the home too taxing.
I do see posts on here from women who moan their partners are not earning enough. Often these women don't actually work at all.
In my experience, women do retire before their husbands or never quite manage to go back to work full time even after their children have left home.

From Google Chat GPT
In the UK, women aged 50-64 are significantly more likely to work part-time than men of the same age, while men in this age group are more likely to work full-time. Specifically, 40% of women aged 50-64 work full-time compared to 66% of men in the same age bracket. Furthermore, women are three times more likely to be employed part-time than men.

After Covid, the difference between men and women working full time ( or working at all) is even more stark.
There are a lot of women today who seem to think it is their human right not to work.

I expect a lot of these part time women are also providing childcare or elderly care.

Likewise.

Same here. But the Relationships board is constantly full of threads which make you think "So why the hell did you stay / are you even contemplating staying with this waste of space?!" I know sometimes the men don't show their true colours until later, but a lot of the time the red flags seem to have been there from the start!

Yeah but women work part time sometimes, because they do all the domestic chores, life admin, shopping, cooking, and childcare etc, and men generally do absolutely fuck-all. You're lucky if men do 10% of the mental and physical load around the house, and childcare duties. Even when men are not working/are off sick, most of them still do fuck-all.

If all women worked full time, they would still be doing everything else. The men don't step up. They leave it to the women. (Mostly.) Women don't go part time because they're lazy fuckers, they do it because they have everything in life left to them.

Nice that you have a 'brilliant' husband though.

However, most men - of all generations - are bone idle when it comes to household chores/domestic tasks/life admin, and think childcare is babysitting.

That's another thing, WOMEN are the ones who do the lion's share of the care, not only with children, but with elderly family members. Men don't do anything! They leave it to the sisters and wives!

DH seems to think that I should run round after him like a headless chicken while he naps in his chair. Sadly for him, that never happens and he's called out on his laziness every single time. However it's exhausting to have to "manage" him and I'm pretty fed up with being the default adult in our relationship. Should we ever split there is no way in hell I'd tolerate another man in my life.

I think when there's too many man visibly not stepping up and doing their share of the domestic load or caring load it's only going to put more women off going full time. Even if you're with a decent man it could still be something that you've witnessed enough to make you wary.

I don't have any friends whose husband's aren't working.

Yes i used to have one of these and he does even less since we split up. Hardly works, has no interest in bettering himself or being a decent dad. Yet somehow has a girlfriend who apparently “can’t live without him” (his words).

Some men seem to think because it’s more common for women to work now, that they don’t have to be the “provider” anymore but don’t want to do anything else either. And they wonder why the birth rate is dropping…

Caring for elderly parents also, and often, the PIL

Also if you're caring for a disabled teen \ adult, that often gets harder as he carer gets older and less able themselves so working alongside caring is less possiblr