Aibu or is pathetic husband syndrome on the rise

[rOsie80]

I feel like I have far too many females friends who’s husbands are out of work / unable to work / suffering mental health issues / can’t cope with the children. But ultimately they have less responsibility than their wives, even before they suffer these things. Why are men so weak these days (or has it always been this way really??)

Lots of articles about "mankeeping" and how young women are turned off dating due to the neediness of men.

They are turning to women for emotional support rather than men friends.

I can well understand getting the Ick and not being interested in getting involved, much less having a family and sharing a home.

Too much like hard work.

I think its always been the case but woman are just more able to be vocal about it and have more resources to leave.

I genuinely have no idea how some men as a collective where ever seen as the most capable sex - why the subconsious assumption that your pilot, doctor or lawyer is male is beyond me.

Were *

I would say the same as this.
My son has grown up with me as a single parent and is very hands on as I’ve shown him how to do household chores, cooking, gardening, DIY etc and that it’s normal for men to do these things.

This is true!

I have an ex H now. I figured i could manage the occasional washing up, taking the bins out and putting petrol in the car. He'd never packed a bag for DD5.

Only on MN do you get threads denying properly researched statistics. Women don't work according to MN because they are too busy doing housework. It drives me mad the mantra that women always stayed at home and never worked. Both my grandmothers worked in spite of having four plus kids. One ran a hospital laundry and the other was a hairdresser ( and took pre school kids with her and left them out the back. It was a post second world war agenda to encourage women not to work in order to free jobs for returning servicemen. Since then some women have assumed they have the right not to work.
The statistics show that women after 50 are more likely not to work than their male partners. Significant increase in these non economically employed women since Covid.
I don't know anyone in my large circle where the wives have given up work to care for their in laws. What are women taught on MN, 'not my circus'. Some women expect to be supported whilst they look after their own. The UK cannot afford so many people not working because they fancy putting their feet up after 50. It is mainly women sadly

It is what happens when attraction is a reaction based purely on emotion and instinct instead of logic. Nature doesn't care whether you are happy or not with your partner, all that matters is that the species procreates and survives.

I have spent much of the last 40 years being told (by women who know me) what a great catch I would be due to a number of well respected personality traits. It ultimately means nothing, women do not write a list of great husband traits down, match a man to those traits and if he fits then choose to be romantically attracted to him. My (mental) experience of dating has been like the Caribbean's experience of hurricane season. On a first date you cannot get love, loyalty, intelligence, teamwork, desire to give back, empathy or compassion across. All I managed is be crap at making a first impression good enough to initiate a spark of attraction, hence all I have to show for my efforts at the age of 47 is one eight month relationship and a recently started and currently in progress one.

My husband had a nervous breakdown. He wasn't pathetic. He was ill. He works incredibly hard before. And again since recovery. I do know quite a few men that hit 40s and had similar burn out episodes. I think its a point of thier lives where they've been so focused at work and realise there's still 27 years to go and there body aches now.

Every single one of my friends, family and work-mates who are in the 45+ age range have said the same, including me. If anything happens to DH, not in a million years would I ever live with another man. DH is not actually that bad, he cooks, cleans and does the bins etc. but it's the having to be his manager in life that I cannot stand. He just does not engage his brain to think for himself, he literally wants me to do his thinking and bring him to life decisions etc. Does anyone else's partner do this? Wants to be told what to do instead of thinking what to do?

More women take SSRI's and have a diagnosed mental health condition than men anyway.

I thought we'd got past stigmatising mental health issues. Some women just have no empathy for men at all.

Yanbu

Tyat generation were probably the last to be able to offer little and still get with women and marriage etc. Among millennial and gen z these men will now be incel.

I don’t have one of these per se, but he is frequently intimidated by my hyper independence and it can make him feel inadequate, at the same time I think he also admires and appreciates me. I’ve seen it so much around me I just have no tolerance for it

Going by MN, it's appears so.

Im real life - I don't know a single one of these men, nor a woman who would tolerate one.

Agree!
I have several friends and family members whose male partners /husbands are hw, supportive, reliable, can sort things out etc etc
Not sure why my own personal experience doesn't reflect that? 😃

I actually think the issue seems to be men not talking about MH or getting help, if they got on SSRI this might help. Women are going on them because they have no choice but to be functional. Statistically nowadays it’s very high chance you will be a single mother at some point in your life.

Agree that men often don't seek help, but Op example was men who are never out the doctors and have mental health issues

Why are you tolerating this one?

I have a few friends with this type of partner. Depressing.

I know a few of these too. Also depressing.

Sadly yes, this is one of those things I see in real life as well as on a forum where you might see the worst cases represented more frequently. I think the expectations of men are lower when it comes to functioning.

I don’t really think that’s the same though. Often the women who quit paid work early is because the husband is generally the higher earner and economically it makes more sense for them to just stay home to look after the kids. But they’re still working They’re not like a lot of the men cited by OP just absorbed in themselves. The odd post where the woman may moan her partner isn’t earning enough I think is very justified as often they’re not helping out much with the kids or housework and if they applied themselves to work a little harder instead then (given how much the woman does non stop) they could earn more which is important to give their kids as good a life as possible etc. As for those women who retire earlier than their partners or never make the leap from FT to PT work once kids are grown up, well very likely at that point there isn’t a financial need to keep going so hard since the kids are adults and generally the woman in the relationship timeline will have put in way more ‘invisible’ childcare, school run, cooking, cleaning, grocery, life and house admin work than their partners so the net effect is they haven’t done in the grand scheme of things that much less work than their partners.

In real life, not sure; but on Mumsnet there’s definitely a pathetic husband mandemic 🙁

Because being a snowflake garners you more sympathy, handouts and freebies than just getting in with it. Man or woman. Partly why this country is cooked.