Aibu or is pathetic husband syndrome on the rise

[rOsie80]

I feel like I have far too many females friends who’s husbands are out of work / unable to work / suffering mental health issues / can’t cope with the children. But ultimately they have less responsibility than their wives, even before they suffer these things. Why are men so weak these days (or has it always been this way really??)

Not sure but I know an awful lot of young people suffering with mental health problems who fit your description so maybe it’s more to do with the stress of life now

Never ever keep men in the house. Ever.

Not a model I see in our friendship / family group.

I notice men doing more of the childcare and cleaning than they would’ve done a generation ago but it seems to me that many women still carry the mental load of school bags, birthday presents, school holiday clubs, food deliveries, insurance etc etc etc.

That’s my circle anyway.

The only woman I know who does all domestic chores is one who doesn’t work outside the home, and she’s happy with her situation.

It's class camp season and we've done a couple. I was really struck by how many useless men there were, who basically did nothing.

One of the more extreme examples, one family arrived on the site Friday evening with everyone else, we're all setting up. The dad gets out of the car, gets his camping chair, whipped his top off, opened a beer and that was him for most of the weekend. His wife unloaded the car alone, set everything up alone, was struggling to put up the tent alone and some other people came to help her. I was tempted to say something to him, but I don't think his wife would have appreciated that. I'd always given her a fairly wide berth, just because her kids are absolute brats. But I can see now that she's probably having to do absolutely everything, I really doubt he helps with discipline.

Being pathetic isn’t a medical condition though is it?

Maybe it’s to do with having mums who did / do everything for us, so it’s easy to slip into the same pattern with a partner if allowed? I would totally let my DW do all my life admin / clothes shopping / child caring / food making etc if I could get away with it! Would be brilliant.

It takes two to play tennis and all that…not sure!

What about the women who are working equally as hard outside of the house, PLUS doing the lion's share of the housework/childcare and 100 per cent of the mental load?

If as many women could burn out, society would collapse.

My DH is awesome - he does all the housework, I just do the shopping and cooking.

My BIL is a very high earner, very corporate.

Won’t wash his own clothes (doesn’t know how apparently) and struggles to look after his own kids. Makes my sister feel bad when she wants to go out and do something because it takes a toll on him. Says he can’t cook anything, asked her to cook him food a few hours after giving birth. I’ve seen him load the dishwasher and take out the bins but he also ‘takes to his bed’ on occasion just lying there morose all day with a headache whilst my sister runs around. He does ‘just enough’ to stop her from leaving

Totally agree 😫

Sod off. You dont get a choice of burning out. It doesn't make you pathetic if you do.

There are many many women who discover they are autistic or have adhd when they burn out. More wimen than men claim pip for anxiety dusorders. Are they also pathetic.

Mental health issues are real and not pathetic.

Well perhaps there arent as many of those women around as we seem to think then. Maybe there are plenty husbands/dads who do a fair share, we just dont hear about them as they dont get moaned about.

But you can be pathetic and lazy and NOT have a mental health disorder. Regardless of sex.

What's the 'just enough' ?

Not enough for me! He ramps up and improves if she calls him out then goes back to his usual ways.

That's not just enough then is it. Wonder what else keeps her with him.

Yes you can and that's entirely different.

But op said mental health issues in thier rather short list of things men get wrong, under the heading pathetic and ending the post with weak.

Its really riled me!

@BurntBroccoliI raised mine as a single Mum too!

Oh so THAT is the trick, women need to make sure they carefully SELECT - and test their men before they marry them and have babies with them. Because men NEVER CHANGE after they're married with children. 🙄

Give me strength!

Indeed. I was with mine for 5 years..and he was actually a great dad and husband until he left for ow and has since done the bare minimum for his kids.

This 100%. ^

I'm sorry to hear that...

Well thank you..it was a fair while ago and I'm totally over it but they are not so much

So we are not interested in other people’s experiences then?