Sons lifestyle choice has divided the family

[helloall987]

So we have a little bit of a situation going on in our house at the moment. There is myself DH, DD18 and DS17. DS is gay and out and proud. DH finds it really hard and finds him hard to be around because it makes him feel uncomfortable. DD is very close to her dad and he has told her how uncomfortable he is with how DS has decided to live his life.

DH doesn't really want much to do with me anymore because of my son and the way I just seem to allow it and he also blames me for encouraging his love of dance and glitter when he was little.

DD has just said to me that I need to see the situation from her dad's side. He finds it hard and all I keep doing is pushing it in his face by allowing DS to be gay in the house.

She also said to me that if she was gay she wouldn't ever act on it as it isn't something her dad would like and she respects him too much to ever do anything to upset him and DS is only thinking about himself and not if the feelings of those around him.

I think DH will probably leave me soon which i am fully prepared for but I will always support my son..but I think my DD will support her dad as she hates seeing him upset.

My DD's attitude has shocked me a bit- and I am not really sure what to do for the best. I think my sons
lifestyle choice has broken the family.

It’s not a lifestyle choice

He isn't choosing to be gay.

Your husband is what has broken your family.

How unbelievably sad. You have two seemingly happy and healthy young adult children and this is what your dh is upset about. I’d be kicking him out, not the other way around.

It is not a lifestyle choice and I find it problematic that you describe it that way. It is part of your son and as inbuilt as the clout of his eyes, it's not something that he can change and not is it something that he should be expected to suppress.

I admire your son for being himself in a family full of homophobes.

Congratulations - you’ve married a homophobic man and brought up a homophobic daughter. And you must be homophobic yourself if you think it’s a lifestyle choice.

Yup.

Lifestyle choice? 🤨

I think this is a good teaching opportunity wrt your daughter.

Errrm, being gay isn’t a lifestyle choice. And you haven’t ’caused’ this by encouraging your DS to like dance and glitter. Sadly, your DH is allowing his unfounded prejudices to cloud what should be unconditional love for his son. Your DD is being naive.

YABU for describing your son's sexuality as a lifestyle choice.

But your DD and DH are more unreasonable. How are you supposed to not "allow DS to be gay in the house?" There's not an off switch he can flick when he crosses the threshold. He is gay. It's who he is.

Your DH's homophobia, and your DDs too, has broken the family.

You can't stop him from being gau, but you can stop him from being happy. You seem to have the right idea, but your husband is bring a twit.
That said, your son isn't making a lifestyle choice, and he isn't breaking anything. He is not the problem.I also find it quite concerned about how important it ser.s to be not to upset uour husband. Your daughter is being taught some really harmful attitudes and I really hope uoucan find a way to undo the harm ghat is being done by all this toxicity.

You don’t sound much better by calling it a Lifestyle choice

It’s not something he chooses, it’s something he is, and it’s very sad that your husband and daughter can’t accept him for who he is

I suggest they both need to do some reading on the matter, they are both homophobic

It sounds as though none of you really understand about being gay if even you're describing it as a lifestyle choice.

At least you're the only one trying though.

Jesus. You and your son would have a lucky escape if your ‘d’ H left you. Unfortunately his revolting opinions have affected your daughter. One can only hope that the absence of him will be a benefit to her.

And being gay isn’t a lifestyle choice.

I think my sons
lifestyle choice has broken the family

No, your DH's reaction to your son's sexuality is breaking your family.
Why are you waiting for your husband to leave you rather than leaving him for his intolerance?

Your DH is a homophobe who’s infected your daughter. That’s what’s divided your family.

Is hetrosexuality a lifestyle choice?

Well, apparently there’s an off switch for being gay, so who knows?

Any chance your DH could be a repressed homosexual, OP? Only asking because this sort of judgment and rejection can be rooted in repressed sexual desires.

Please keep supporting your son. And let your DD know that her views are totally unacceptable. Sounds like you are doing a great job, but your DH is intent on dividing the family.

I hope it all works out.

OK maybe not the best choice of words so I apologise. I fully support my son and will always advocate for him but I feel I will lose DD over this as she is do blinded about being kind to her dad as she hates seeing him upset. She says he isn't strong enough to cope and I am a harder person so she doesn't care so much about upsetting me as I don't get easily offended or upset anyway.

OP THIS!!! Which I know mners hate 'this', but so perfect in this example...wow. You are superb in just loving and backing your son for who he wants to be...good luck in navigating the future xxx

Unlike being gay, bigotry is a choice. If that's the choice your daughter and husband make, over loving their son/ brother unconditionally, then they need to deal with the consequences of choosing hate.

Hasn’t this been posted before

Oh pack it in with these fake threads 🙄

Yes. Lots of similar things. Lots of times