Sons lifestyle choice has divided the family

[helloall987]

So we have a little bit of a situation going on in our house at the moment. There is myself DH, DD18 and DS17. DS is gay and out and proud. DH finds it really hard and finds him hard to be around because it makes him feel uncomfortable. DD is very close to her dad and he has told her how uncomfortable he is with how DS has decided to live his life.

DH doesn't really want much to do with me anymore because of my son and the way I just seem to allow it and he also blames me for encouraging his love of dance and glitter when he was little.

DD has just said to me that I need to see the situation from her dad's side. He finds it hard and all I keep doing is pushing it in his face by allowing DS to be gay in the house.

She also said to me that if she was gay she wouldn't ever act on it as it isn't something her dad would like and she respects him too much to ever do anything to upset him and DS is only thinking about himself and not if the feelings of those around him.

I think DH will probably leave me soon which i am fully prepared for but I will always support my son..but I think my DD will support her dad as she hates seeing him upset.

My DD's attitude has shocked me a bit- and I am not really sure what to do for the best. I think my sons
lifestyle choice has broken the family.

It seems mumnetters are of one voice. You have to choose between your children and of course you must choose to understand the gay one and not give a damn about the other one. These situations are far more complicated than that.
You have a big problem in your family. Please try to at least understand everyone’s point of view. We all have expectations of what our children will grow up to be. It can take time to come to terms with the way your children are when it is not what you are expecting.

This can’t be real??

”Lifestyle choice”?! Wtf.

Also, what on earth is there to “cope” with? He’s gay not sick with a terminal illness.

That's very sad how Dad isn't supporting him. I couldn't love someone homophobic, you are doing the right thing putting him first. And as others have said, it is not a choice and good on your son for having the confidence to be out and proud despite his Dad's disapproval, that can't be easy.

I don’t believe this post

last month your children were 15 and 16. And a few months before that your daughter was 22.

Being gay isn't a lifestyle choice.

Glitter and dance have no relevance to the sex which one is attracted to.

You don't allow someone to be gay, they are gay whether you like it or not.

How can someone be gay in the house?

Your son is being abused and you need to protect him from these abusers (his dad and sister)

Then you make it VERY clear to your daughter that you are upset with her, very much so and you find her and her Dad to be hateful and ignorant and that you won’t tolerate it any further. If she can’t support her own brother then she is a disgrace. And that she will damage her relationship with yourself and her brother. Her dad is not the only one with feelings and his feelings are of intolerance and disgusting prejudice.

You tell your disgusting husband you won’t tolerate his prejudice anymore and you want him to leave. That he has broken your family and you will not put up with his abuse.

It's entirely normal to fudge around ages and genders of your children so it's harder to be outed. A huge number of people do it.

If only you hadn't given him the glitter !!! ✨

DH doesn't really want much to do with me anymore because of my son and the way I just seem to allow it and he also blames me for encouraging his love of dance and glitter when he was little. So, your 18yo daughter is yours with your current husband but he's not the dad of your 17yo son? Is it possible that this situation, however it came about, is causing a toxic dynamic in the household, possibly explaining your husband's resentment of your son and your daughter's over attachment to her dad?

Your daughter sounds like a pickme, but she's 18 and maybe she'll go to uni or get a job or something and meet people and learn something? Anyway, I think you can feel free to completely disregard her claim that if she was gay she wouldn't ever act on it as it isn't something her dad would like because in addition to giving off seriously sketchy Donald-Ivanka vibes she almost certainly has hee haw idea even about cross-sex romantic relationships and heterosexual sex at 18.

Sorry, I don't know what exactly your AIBU was supposed to be but all signs point to yes.

I never thought I’d hear being gay referred to a lifestyle choice in the 2020’s.

It wasn’t thought of a natural when my parents were small but my brother is bi and even though my dad is almost 80 and has taken some time to get used it his attitude now is “well what can I possibly do about it?”

Explain to your daughter that being gay isn’t a choice, but supporting homophobia is, and that’s the choice she is making.

If it was me DH would not be leaving me. I would leave him. How dare they treat your son like this.

@helloall987 Your children must be real-life Benjamin Buttons because earlier in another thread, your DD is 20 and in a different one, your DS is 18. Then yet another one where both still need to go to uni and their ages are 15 & 16.

What happened with your DD and the bullying she was getting at work?

Continuity matters.....🙄

Yes, but the different threads don't make sense with the fudging the ages/genders, yet, they fit each thread. The math isn't mathing.

The whole lot of you apart from DS need to educate yourselves.

And in another thread the children are primary school age and shes not happy wirh the uniform 🤔

Theres fudging and theres total inconsistencies

I totally agree. Was just going to write similar.

It’s great that your son has had the confidence to come out as gay, particularly in a household where he will have known there would be problems with acceptance. It must be down to you that he felt able to do so.

Well done you!

Having a gay son myself, I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who couldn't accept my son for who he is. I was really sad when ds came out, not because he is gay, but for all the prejudice he would face & the fact he could be attacked for who he is.