AIBU to not let DD drop out of music tour because her violin has to go under the coach?

[ToInfiniteaAndBeyond]

DD is due to go on her school’s week-long music tour to Italy in two weeks’ time. This is a trip that takes place every two years - the school orchestras and chamber choir spend a week travelling around, sightseeing in the day and doing concerts in the evenings.

This year they’re going to Tuscany - about 50 girls and 8 teachers will be travelling 24 hours by coach to get there. Obviously, the coach will be pretty packed, so the girls have been told that any instruments bigger than a flute/clarinet will have to go in the luggage store under the coach. DD is a violinist so her violin falls into this category.

However, there are a few violinists at the school who have extremely valuable violins (probably worth £10,000+). These girls are all musical prodigies from extremely musical families.

They seem to have quietly been given an exemption from this rule and will be allowed to have their violins next to them on the coach (I imagine their parents wouldn’t allow them to go on the trip in any other circumstances).

DD’s violin is pretty much worthless in monetary terms, but it is of huge sentimental value to her. It belonged to her beloved grandmother, who recently died. It’s German-made from the 1850s and rather beautiful, but it’s not from a famous violin maker and only the body is original. When her grandmother gave it to her a few years ago - having not played for 20 years after developing arthritis in her hands - we found it was in very poor condition. We paid to have it restored so that DD could play it, but everything apart from the body had to be replaced.

DD feels that the sentimental value of her violin is equal to the monetary value of the other girls’ violins, and means she should also be allowed to have it with her on the coach. I’m sympathetic to this, and have asked the school, but have been told that there just isn’t room on the coach for anyone else to have their instrument with them.

DD is now saying she’d rather not go on the trip at all, as she’s so worried that harm will befall her violin. While I understand her concern, she hadn’t mentioned this once before she found out about the other girls’ being given an exemption. It only seems to have become an issue for her when she found out that it didn’t apply to absolutely everyone. She seems very offended by the suggestion that these girls’ violins are more important than hers, when they’re all ‘equally irreplaceable.’ I think she also has a bit of an inferiority complex with the super-musical girls - she’s a great violinist, and works very hard, but she doesn’t have their level of effortless talent and definitely won’t be making music her career.

I really don’t want her to drop out at this stage - we’ve already paid for the trip, and I think she’ll end up really regretting it if she misses it. Swanning around Tuscany for a week and performing music with her friends sounds utterly wonderful. Additionally, I asked the music teachers and not a single instrument has been lost or damaged in all the years they’ve been running this trip - so DD is almost certainly worrying about nothing.

She’s not a defiant child, and if I tell her she’s getting on that coach, she will. Am I being unfair to insist she goes?

Silly. People who want to make orchestral music their careers these days need to be taking it extremely seriously as children.

Violinist mum with two kids with a 10K+ violin. We rent it from a scheme that lends high quality instruments to kids who are talented but can’t afford expensive violins or bow. I pay 300 a year to rent it. And the insurance that comes with it is invalidated if we place it in the hold of a bus or a plane or even leave it unattended in a car.

Is your violin insured? Have a chat with the school again to talk them through this?

Team daughter and I’d remove her from that shitty school and it’s elitist horrible values

Yes, i was thinking this.

Look at your violin's insurance and see if the same clause applies.

The other point is the weather in Italy at the moment. It's not exactly cold. Having seen stringed instruments in Australian summers end up with sticky varnish getting stuck to the inside of the case, I'd be worried about the temperature in the luggage hold of the bus damaging all the instruments - not just the violins - I'd be worried about the cellos coming unglued in really high temperatures with sun reflecting off the road. Can the school guarantee that in the current heatwave temperatures, the instruments are going to be OK?

Make sure the violin case is super strong and secure (maybe even buy a better one) and Airtag it, or similar, so she can check its location on her phone.

@ToInfiniteaAndBeyond I have a cheap one she could borrow for the trip. I’ll PM you

@ToInfiniteaAndBeyond Rent please. Cheap instruments can make you sound awful.

I'm with your daughter here. The school has basically accepted that her violin has a chance of getting damaged in the hold, otherwise they wouldn't be making exceptions for other people. You daughter feels that this violin is worth more to her than the experience of the trip, and that's fair enough.

I do think a previous posters idea of using a rented violin is a good solution.

Can you just hire a cheap violin for the trip? School must have spares

Rather than hire a cheap violin I think I'd look at getting a bombproof (not literally) new case. Does she have a really good case already? I recently replaced mine and upgraded and the violin cannot move a fraction of a millimeter in this amazing new case.

It will be probably because of the insurance on the other violins, especially if they are not owned by the girls. Have you checked your insurance to see if there is a similar requirement?

I hope she has an absolutely magical time, it sounds wonderful!

I was going to say get one of the cheap mass produced Chinese ones and get it restrung with quality strings - our local violin repairer used to do this to good effect.

He used to part exchange them when you needed a bigger one so there were always 2nd hand versions available.

Her violin will be absolutely fine. When I was at music school and uni we had so many trips. Italy, Norway, Holland and around Uk. All of our cellos (which were all worth between £15,000-40,000+ and not including our £1K cases) had to go under the coach. They are just as fragile as violins. It was fine. This wasn’t even long ago. I think the last time it went under coach was only 7 years ago.
She can put extra scarves inside or wrap the case in a single layer of bubble wrap.

Hire another bus 😮Who has £££ to pay for an extra coach for a week on top of the cost of a trip Tuscany with no notice.

I identify with this, having been in a few youth orchestras as a child and travelled with my violin. I still have that same violin since I was 14, and still play now. It’s not worth 10k of an heirloom, but it’s MY violin. A cheap violin that is inferior to your daughters instrument won’t help her enjoy the tour. It won’t do justice to her skills. The kids with the expensive instruments - why give them even more reason to feel superior. Young musicians can be super-snooty!
Your daughter is old enough to make a choice here. Surely missing the trip is not a real choice. Like others have said, sounds like a sham reason. I’d suggest you invest in a good case, with proper padding and a good lock, an electronic tuner for when it comes out the case for a play (get it tuned and acclimatised in advance of a performance) and pack also a good set of spare strings. And that she practice the f**k out of the music, play her best, and show those ‘upscale instrument’ kids that she’s every bit as good a player as they are.
But not the cheap violin especially for the tour…please no. A bad instrument would ruin it for her. And think carefully about the bow- it’s a good investment. A decent bow. Recommend carbon fibre for youth orchestra travel!

100% this

Perhaps you'd prefer no-one ever excelled at anything and it's all a race to the bottom. Those of us who play for enjoyment and life enrichment are quite capable of managing the reality that others are truly stellar! It's neither elitist nor shitty, it's life, and as others have explained there may be good reasons for this decision and Good ways for the Ops daughter to navigate this.

Here's hoping the staff manage all dc the same not have tiers of care like their instruments.
Sounds shoddy telling the dc some violins matter and some don't.

I'm with your DD here. School should be making sure all instruments are transported safely.

Agree the solution may be to rent a cheap one. But I also think she's not unreasonable to want to drop out

I agree with your dd that hers is equally as valuable, if not more so!
It shouldn’t be different rules due to the amount of money spent. One rule for everyone!

Absolutely hire one but also go back to the school and tell them that she doesn’t want to go because of their favouritism.

I understand your DDs feelings.

But surely the cello players feel the same way?

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. I think the school made a mistake saying some could have theirs with them, it’s awfully unfair. I kind of admire your daughter for challenging this unfair decision and shows her character more than any musical talent ever could. I’m not sure what you should do because of course she would regret not going and it’s a trip most could only dream of. I like the suggestion of hiring one but it’s not really the point is it? And I assume one becomes accustomed to playing the same instrument.

Is it worth approaching school again and insisting that they put all the large instruments in the hold? Explaining how unfair it is?

Just speak to the teachers and demand fairness. If some violins are allowed on the coach, then all violins should be allowed on the coach. It's disgusting there should be one rule for some and not for others.

Assuming you have her instrument insured, what does the insurance say? Also I assume you have a proper hard flight case for the violin? My DD is a professional musician so I have lots of experience of these types of tours. Every one she had been on has insisted we provide evidence of insurance and this has covered her instrument/s going under the bus. She's playing lots of festivals this summer and we have had to have conversations with her about whether her £30k worth of instruments are covered if they are in her bloody tent 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣. My DD plays the saxophone so keeping her bari sax on a bus would be impossible as the case is coffin sized. Violin players have a reputation for being high maintenance so she's got that bit right.

Talk to the teachers, it should be all or nothing really. The violins should be in hard cases and properly secured in the boot of the coach and out of direct sunlight which will probably be better than being on a seat in what could be bright sunshine and not secure. Personal insurance should be on every single instrument too, instrument specialists cover this sort of thing as DD’s violin is.

Investing in a second instrument might be useful if she is planning to go away to university.