AIBU to not let DD drop out of music tour because her violin has to go under the coach?

[ToInfiniteaAndBeyond]

DD is due to go on her school’s week-long music tour to Italy in two weeks’ time. This is a trip that takes place every two years - the school orchestras and chamber choir spend a week travelling around, sightseeing in the day and doing concerts in the evenings.

This year they’re going to Tuscany - about 50 girls and 8 teachers will be travelling 24 hours by coach to get there. Obviously, the coach will be pretty packed, so the girls have been told that any instruments bigger than a flute/clarinet will have to go in the luggage store under the coach. DD is a violinist so her violin falls into this category.

However, there are a few violinists at the school who have extremely valuable violins (probably worth £10,000+). These girls are all musical prodigies from extremely musical families.

They seem to have quietly been given an exemption from this rule and will be allowed to have their violins next to them on the coach (I imagine their parents wouldn’t allow them to go on the trip in any other circumstances).

DD’s violin is pretty much worthless in monetary terms, but it is of huge sentimental value to her. It belonged to her beloved grandmother, who recently died. It’s German-made from the 1850s and rather beautiful, but it’s not from a famous violin maker and only the body is original. When her grandmother gave it to her a few years ago - having not played for 20 years after developing arthritis in her hands - we found it was in very poor condition. We paid to have it restored so that DD could play it, but everything apart from the body had to be replaced.

DD feels that the sentimental value of her violin is equal to the monetary value of the other girls’ violins, and means she should also be allowed to have it with her on the coach. I’m sympathetic to this, and have asked the school, but have been told that there just isn’t room on the coach for anyone else to have their instrument with them.

DD is now saying she’d rather not go on the trip at all, as she’s so worried that harm will befall her violin. While I understand her concern, she hadn’t mentioned this once before she found out about the other girls’ being given an exemption. It only seems to have become an issue for her when she found out that it didn’t apply to absolutely everyone. She seems very offended by the suggestion that these girls’ violins are more important than hers, when they’re all ‘equally irreplaceable.’ I think she also has a bit of an inferiority complex with the super-musical girls - she’s a great violinist, and works very hard, but she doesn’t have their level of effortless talent and definitely won’t be making music her career.

I really don’t want her to drop out at this stage - we’ve already paid for the trip, and I think she’ll end up really regretting it if she misses it. Swanning around Tuscany for a week and performing music with her friends sounds utterly wonderful. Additionally, I asked the music teachers and not a single instrument has been lost or damaged in all the years they’ve been running this trip - so DD is almost certainly worrying about nothing.

She’s not a defiant child, and if I tell her she’s getting on that coach, she will. Am I being unfair to insist she goes?

Year 9 to Year 12, so 14 to 17 mostly. DD is in Year 10 so this is her first time going on the trip (as its only run every other year).

I agree just rent or buy another violin that she doesn’t mind and it solves all the priblems

She should go I did 2 similar tours in the Netherlands and Italy and loved it

Surely a school like that has a violin that your dd can borrow for the trip? Otherwise you could hire one from a music shop.

Just get another, not too expensive one? Would think you’d have a back up anyway. Is the real
issue here something else?

I've organised these sorts of trips when I was at uni and I have to say I would think the violin would be safer in the luggage compartment. Usually everything is carefully packed so it doesn't move around and fragile instruments are not just thrown in.

What are the fancy violin girls going to do at every stop? Take their instruments with them? Risk leaving them on the bus while everyone is in the service station getting their McDonald's?

Are the instruments taking up seats? Or will they be in the overhead lockers where they will get bashed around by people getting their bags in and out all the time?

With a decent hard case it will be better in the luggage compartment. We transported harps and everything in there. I honestly dont remember an issue with the changes in heat ever.

But the "your violin is not expensive enough" thing would really really piss me off too.

I hope you manage to work something out.

Such a perennial problem for string instruments and travel but most of the issues stem from careless handling of instruments. If the violins are carefully stowed there shouldn’t be a problem.

The school is nuts though if they think they can draw a line based on monetary value of the instruments.

I suspect that for the other girls, having the violins with them is an insurance requirement. Would it help your daughter to explain the different treatment on that basis - it's not that the other violins or their owners are more important, it's just a requirement imposed by some bureaucrat?

It's unlikely that the students with 10k instruments will be keeping them any safer - if I were underwriting that insurance, 'safely locked in the storage compartment' would probably trump 'in the passenger area, being looked after by a schoolgirl'.

I doubt that. Professional musicians often end up booking separate seats for their instruments on public transport, so they obviously feel that is safer than the hold. There will probably be further requirements for the instruments to be locked away safely at all times if the owners can't keep them with them.

GDST school by any chance? I did a similar tour when I was that age with my £1.5k violin in the late 90s. And mine was only fit to see me to grade 7. I was told I'd need something better for grade 8 +. It was definitely not the most expensive instrument in our group. Wouldn't be surprised if a £1.5k violin in '97 translates to a £10k violin now. A decent instrument costs ££££.

All our instruments went under the coach. I actually remember watching the coach drivers play Tetris with suitcases and instrument cases so the suitcases kind of shielded the instruments and blocked them from sliding around.

Her violin will be fine. But convincing a teenager is easier said than done. Has she got any other friends going that will be stowing their instruments below? The most convincing persuasion will come from her friends.

OP already has and they said there wasn't enough room.

What would her grandmother have done if she'd been given the chance at that age to take that violin and play it in Tuscany with her friends? Do that.

Your DD is right and I wouldn't be happy with the school's response.

DD went on a similar trip recently and we all had to fly with a proper airline instead of a budget one just so that their teachers could apply for an exemption for all of them to bring their violins onto the plane instead of checking them into the hold. The children also all took their violins onto to bus. Parents and other staff were moved around to alternative transport to ensure that there was enough room in the bus for the violins. They treated ALL the instruments with care and respect.

I'm not sure what the solution is here but I'd be disappointed with your teachers' attitude. Maybe they could hire another bus and spread the children across so that there'll be sufficient room for everyone's instruments, but I appreciate that there may be budget constraints. I know many professional violinists will also have a 'spare' violin they'll sometimes travel with so I also quite like the idea of hiring one that someone suggested earlier. Could you ask her school to loan you a violin?

this is what I was going to say, surely this is the insurance company imposing the rule that the instrument is accompanied at all times. I, too, think she might be more amenable to letting her violin go into the luggage compartment if she knows this is the only reason those violins are going with their owners, that the school is being forced into allowing it.

I had a very expensive violin from age 13 (15k). I always had a cheap back up instrument for such situations where I couldn’t guarantee its safety. It wasn’t just the monetary value as that would be covered by insurance but the sentimental value more so as it was from my grandparents and we had had it restored together.
Honestly for such trips get a cheap one for her to use. It isn’t worth the stress.

Your daughter is right. It is not ok for the school to have one rule for some and another for the rest. It doesn’t matter how talented the girls are or how valuable their instruments rules is rules. She should also be able to keep her violin with her. I would argue that hers is worth more than any of theirs becuse of its emotional assiciations. She would definitely miss out if she refuses to go but it may also be a relief as it all sounds a bit cliquey.

I can see it from both sides. I totally get her side - others have been given exemptions and she hasn’t, so ultimately she is being told that she and her instrument are inferior to the others.

Ultimately though, if this was my kid and the trip was already paid for, then yes she would be going on it. And yes renting one just for the trip is a great idea.

Totally this. It is very wrong to say that some children are allowed their violins on the coach but that others are not, regardless of their worth.

This.

10k is not that much for a decent violin. I don't really like this attitude that mere schoolchildren shouldn't have good equipment for an activity they take seriously.

Renting one is not a great option. I guess she'll want to play her violin rather than a mediocre one she's had no time to get used to.

Your best bet is probably to simultaneously convince her that the school's rules on this are stupid, and that her violin will be perfectly safe well packed underneath the coach (assuming it has a good case!)

Not really boggling, if you’re at this kind of high level it demands an expensive instrument. £10k isn’t expensive in the realm of violins, unfortunately. They can run into the hundreds of thousands, and more than a million! I’ve even known colleagues who have bought an expensive instrument, instead of a house (violins are great investments, often outdoing stocks etc).

I’m a professional violinist and had a £350k violin on loan to me at the latter years of my schooling and uni, so OP’s situation isn’t implausible.

However, the school should definitely be treating everyone equally, and ensure all the violinists can have their instruments on them. It can actually be quite dangerous having an instrument in the luggage compartment, as items move about etc. I’ve see instruments crushed/broken, I’d definitely ask the school to reconsider and say you’ve had experience with instruments being broken this way. It really shouldn’t matter if your daughters violin is worth less, they should be treating everyone equally.

Yes, of coure you are unreasonable. Stick up for your daughter. Her violine IS worth as much as the more expensive ones to her. Fix it so she can keep it with her and stop letting them treat her like money matters more than her perfectly fair expectation that she be treated equally.

Or, yep, just rent a violin.

In a way I see her point but how will she cope when she gets older and realises life cant always go the way she wants, a lot of the time what she thinks she may be technically right but coming with maturity is life isn't one way or the other all the time

On this occasion all that will happen is she misses out

surley you just email and explain that DD is very worried about the violin what with it being grandmas who passed away and can she transport it in the coach.

Or buy her a cheap touring violin

If the risk of loss or damage to the violins in the hold is such that they can’t be left there, then that risk must surely apply to all violins no matter their worth.
The school could easily insist that the students with expensive (or otherwise precious) violins should leave them at home if such a risk exists, and bring a less expensive instrument instead which can go in the hold. I would go back to the school and calmly help your daughter put that point across again. Support her in doing it to let her know you agree that their rule is discriminatory. They may not have time to get a larger coach for this year but at least they may think more fully about their ‘rules’ for next time.
The school may then relent or at least have more understanding of your daughter’s feelings and very valid point of view, which may in turn soften her stance and allow her to feel less victimised and able to happily go on the trip.

My guess is that the expensive violins will all be in the hold by the end of the trip anyway as the girls get fed up of hauling them around on and off the coach so many times a day.

Having shown that you fully support your daughter in her feelings and in the event that your second appeal to the school isn’t successful, I would then talk through the pros and cons of going once more with her, and leave her to make the decision. I would be on her side whichever way she chooses.
Good for her for making a stand.