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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want DP’s relative at baby shower?

71 replies

shannonnnnn · 12/07/2025 19:39

I am planning on having a baby shower for my 3rd child in a few weeks and just making preparations for it now.

I mentioned it in passing to DP who thought it would be nice and nothing more was said.

Today he asks me if his brother’s partner can come to it as well?

Just for clarification I have never met his brother’s partner, she does have a 4 year old with him.
I have never even met the child either.

Me and DC have 2 kids together and she has never met them.

There is a back story as in BIL had an affair behind his partner’s back and he didn’t/dosent want the woman mixing with family as he didn’t want people talking his business to her etc because his partner didn’t know he had cheated and got someone else pregnant.

Now he wants to include her in the family and is keen for her to meet me and the kids etc.

I am quite offended that I was never invited to her baby shower even though other people (mutual friends and their partners went) and I was never invited to meet the child when he was born.

DP think’s we should become friends, meet up with the kids etc.

But when I wanted to be included I wasn’t and now because she wants to feel included I have to just play along?

It just seems 4 years too late.

I don’t even want her coming round to the house as I have heard from DP she has stalker tendencies as in she stalked BIL’s ex.

We are also planning on purchasing a Buy to Let and DP wants her to help as she is a teacher and helped BIL buy his home she is meant to be some kind of expert, I told DP I dont want her snooping on my financial affairs as I don’t know her and would rather pay a broker as people do and she had taken offence apparently and BIL is offended.

AIBU here as it seems I am to DP, BIL and his partner.

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/07/2025 19:42

Goodness me, so much drama!

PinkFrogss · 12/07/2025 19:42

YABU to have a baby shower when you already have two children.

Enko · 12/07/2025 19:44

Yabu. And a lot of drama

luckylavender · 12/07/2025 19:44

PinkFrogss · 12/07/2025 19:42

YABU to have a baby shower when you already have two children.

This

ninjahamster · 12/07/2025 19:46

It seems like a good time to start to build a relationship to me. If their child is now 4 then they’ve proved it is more than just a fling surely?

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 12/07/2025 19:47

Yabu.

You can either keep this weird rift going or take the first step to family unity and the cousins getting along.

There's a lot of he said that and she said this, speak to the woman yourself before making a judgement.

Autumn38 · 12/07/2025 19:50

You wanted to be included. Now she is trying to include you. Where’s the problem

(i get it’s 4 years later, but to be honest, you don’t yet know her side of the story)

seems low stakes to me?

MyUmberSeal · 12/07/2025 19:50

What a lot of unnecessary dramatic faff that all sounds.

wizzywig · 12/07/2025 19:53

So basically your husband can see past her shitty behavior as it could benefit you financially?

alcoholnightmare · 12/07/2025 19:55

Instead of a baby shower… why don’t you do a ‘sip & see’ after baby is born?
Then it’s less of a female only vibe and BIL can come too?

alcoholnightmare · 12/07/2025 19:56

I agree though with not letting her have anything to do with your finances - that’s far too private for family and friends to be involved with IMO

WhatTheHelll · 12/07/2025 19:56

I would include her. A 3rd baby shower is hardly an exclusive event, most people will wonder why you’re even having one.

Mousey11 · 12/07/2025 19:58

Baby showers are grabby Americanised nonsense.

Having one is a big indicator of your character and not in a good way.

Theunamedcat · 12/07/2025 19:58

Baby shower fine but no to her "helping" you with a mortgage

Just how much does your husband have to do with her he seems to know a lot?

SummerEve · 12/07/2025 19:58

This whole thing is so juvenile from start to finish.

Vodkamartini3olives · 12/07/2025 20:01

Seems like an excellent opportunity to build some bridges. Sad that your kids don't have a relationship with their cousins. Time to put past issues aside and build some family bonds.

yeesh · 12/07/2025 20:02

Didn’t you post this asking about her attending a child’s birthday?

Sahara123 · 12/07/2025 20:02

alcoholnightmare · 12/07/2025 19:55

Instead of a baby shower… why don’t you do a ‘sip & see’ after baby is born?
Then it’s less of a female only vibe and BIL can come too?

What on earth is a sip and see…..

JustFeedMeCake · 12/07/2025 20:09

PinkFrogss · 12/07/2025 19:42

YABU to have a baby shower when you already have two children.

This. Ridiculous to have one for a third baby.

MyUmberSeal · 12/07/2025 20:11

Sahara123 · 12/07/2025 20:02

What on earth is a sip and see…..

I was wondering this 🤣. Possibly a very naff way of saying ‘come over for a brew and have a look at the baby’.

Brendahollowayreconsider · 12/07/2025 20:13

How could you be arsed with the drama 🥱

Sahara123 · 12/07/2025 20:14

MyUmberSeal · 12/07/2025 20:11

I was wondering this 🤣. Possibly a very naff way of saying ‘come over for a brew and have a look at the baby’.

Ergh I know. I’m getting too old for all this stuff you seem to have to do these days

saraclara · 12/07/2025 20:15

If you're on your third, surely you have all the baby stuff you'll ever need already. So why are you expecting fuss and gifts that you don't need?

Brendahollowayreconsider · 12/07/2025 20:15

Sip and see 🤮🤣🤣🤣🤣 fucking ridiculous.

arcticpandas · 12/07/2025 20:17

So imo a babyshower is a giftgrab to start with. To have a babyshower for your third child is just embarrassing. But since you're doing the giftgrabbing thing let SIL come so you will get more gifts 🤷‍♀️