To not want DP’s relative at baby shower?

[shannonnnnn]

I am planning on having a baby shower for my 3rd child in a few weeks and just making preparations for it now.

I mentioned it in passing to DP who thought it would be nice and nothing more was said.

Today he asks me if his brother’s partner can come to it as well?

Just for clarification I have never met his brother’s partner, she does have a 4 year old with him.
I have never even met the child either.

Me and DC have 2 kids together and she has never met them.

There is a back story as in BIL had an affair behind his partner’s back and he didn’t/dosent want the woman mixing with family as he didn’t want people talking his business to her etc because his partner didn’t know he had cheated and got someone else pregnant.

Now he wants to include her in the family and is keen for her to meet me and the kids etc.

I am quite offended that I was never invited to her baby shower even though other people (mutual friends and their partners went) and I was never invited to meet the child when he was born.

DP think’s we should become friends, meet up with the kids etc.

But when I wanted to be included I wasn’t and now because she wants to feel included I have to just play along?

It just seems 4 years too late.

I don’t even want her coming round to the house as I have heard from DP she has stalker tendencies as in she stalked BIL’s ex.

We are also planning on purchasing a Buy to Let and DP wants her to help as she is a teacher and helped BIL buy his home she is meant to be some kind of expert, I told DP I dont want her snooping on my financial affairs as I don’t know her and would rather pay a broker as people do and she had taken offence apparently and BIL is offended.

AIBU here as it seems I am to DP, BIL and his partner.

It seems like you are making an issue between your partner and his brother into an issue between you and brothers partner. A lady whom you have cast so much judgment and yet, as mentioned several times, never met.

a woman who’s partner cheated and she hasnt had the willpower or freedom to leave. I’d suggest you give her a break, and perhaps some support too.

you don’t have to invite her to the baby shower if you don’t want to, but it’s a pretty easy scenario for some in her shoes, who doesn’t know anyone, do join in.

Do you have a single ounce of compassion?

I think its bizzarre that she’s been kept away from you all by BIL, for at least 5 years, because he doesn’t want you discussing his business with her or accidentally spilling that he’s had an affair and possibly has another child out there but now suddenly wants her to be involved in and discussing your own personal business with her! Why has he suddenly stopped caring that you’re going to drop him in the shit after all this time? It all sounds very odd.

I don’t see a reason not to try and build bridges, afterall she / her child are family and by all accounts it is not that she didn’t want to get to know you but that your BIL has been purposely keeping her away from you to hide his own dirty secrets, thats not on her, don’t punish her for his mistakes. However I wouldn’t be happy with her going through my personal finances and would pay a professional if you need help.

None of you come out of this situation sounding particularly pleasant. Perhaps it’s time to rethink your priorities and your approach to life.

You’re organising it yourself, and you were terribly unwell with your first pregnancy. Crack on and do you, fuck what people on here say. The Mumsnet mob despise showers so that was never going to get a good response.

I agree with you, the is woman is no one to you. Why on earth should she come to your party? Ignore the lot of them.

Baby showers are unreasonable to begin with. Though for any social occasion, your choice who to invite.

This. Maybe she was embarrassed before and did t feel she was abled to meet her partners family. The relationship is now very well established and now would be the time to move on

The past is the past. The circumstances are different now.
You can decide you don’t want her there, but because you weren’t invited 4 years ago is petty.

I’m confused. Is your sil the original partner or the affair partner @shannonnnnn ?

I'm American. We have had baby showers forever. My son is 36 and a surprise shower was arranged for me all those years ago. I have been to more than I can count. They are for the first child, although there is occasionally a smaller one for a second child. Usually something like a "drop in" shower, where cookies or cake and drinks are offered and people come by, but not expected to stay and play games and such. It has always been considered poor form for the mother, or grandmother, to host and is expected to be organized by friends. At a drop in shower, anyone can come by for a treat, to offer congrats, bring a gift and to visit with others.

I can assure you it’s more riveting than being a miserable old trout about a flipping baby shower every other day 😂

Sod them - No is a complete sentence.

I wouldn't believe a word in either direction that goes through BIL. I can't see why this poor woman is getting a hard time when BIL is clearly back in the fold.

Stalker tendencies, my arse, when your partner has actually got someone else pregnant behind your back and isolated you suddenly from his family so you don't find out - you think this says more about her than him, really?

The only thing she's done wrong is dance to his tune and stop contact on his command, pick it up when he says (does he think risk has passed on her finding out about his affair)?

Maybe do a coffee meet up - not sure baby shower is the best time to meet for the first time

I’m picturing a bunch of people standing around with champagne flutes while the baby crowns 🤣

Isn't a baby shower something that people throw for you, not something you throw yourself?

We are also planning on purchasing a Buy to Let and DP wants her to help as she is a teacher and helped BIL buy his home she is meant to be some kind of expert

How can she 'help'?

Baby shower for 3rd baby seems a bit ott but guess if didn’t get one for others

shame cousins haven’t met /in each others lives and been over 4yrs so do meet up

financial stuff better to not involve family and use a broker

Oh. Just seen date

This is months old. July last year so guessing baby has been born and prob sitting up now 😂

obv @shannonnnnn hasn’t updated for months

Baby showers are an overblown Insta drama. Just let whoever wants to come, be there. No need for another drama. 🙄

Zombie thread!!

Having a baby shower for a third child is a complete gift grab. You don't need anything for a third. Just had my own third kid.

YABVU about this woman. The circumstances of her relationship with your BIL aren't your business. 'You didn't invite me so I won't invite you' is shit primary school kids pull. Grow up.