To not want DP’s relative at baby shower?

[shannonnnnn]

I am planning on having a baby shower for my 3rd child in a few weeks and just making preparations for it now.

I mentioned it in passing to DP who thought it would be nice and nothing more was said.

Today he asks me if his brother’s partner can come to it as well?

Just for clarification I have never met his brother’s partner, she does have a 4 year old with him.
I have never even met the child either.

Me and DC have 2 kids together and she has never met them.

There is a back story as in BIL had an affair behind his partner’s back and he didn’t/dosent want the woman mixing with family as he didn’t want people talking his business to her etc because his partner didn’t know he had cheated and got someone else pregnant.

Now he wants to include her in the family and is keen for her to meet me and the kids etc.

I am quite offended that I was never invited to her baby shower even though other people (mutual friends and their partners went) and I was never invited to meet the child when he was born.

DP think’s we should become friends, meet up with the kids etc.

But when I wanted to be included I wasn’t and now because she wants to feel included I have to just play along?

It just seems 4 years too late.

I don’t even want her coming round to the house as I have heard from DP she has stalker tendencies as in she stalked BIL’s ex.

We are also planning on purchasing a Buy to Let and DP wants her to help as she is a teacher and helped BIL buy his home she is meant to be some kind of expert, I told DP I dont want her snooping on my financial affairs as I don’t know her and would rather pay a broker as people do and she had taken offence apparently and BIL is offended.

AIBU here as it seems I am to DP, BIL and his partner.

Exactly that! Get everyone together for one afternoon and then have your space back with new baby

A baby shower for child 3? That's a bit of a CF move to me. I'm not sure why she wants to come along if you've never met.

YANBU. Surely you can decide for yourself who you want to develop friendships with so it’s really not up to your dp.
If you don’t care for her and have reservations about the whole thing then yes, keep your distance. Be polite and friendly if/when you do meet but keep it at that and your dp can wind his neck in.

Sorry everyone making nasty comments about a third baby shower.
I never got to have one with DC1 and DC2 (twins) as I contracted Sepsis at 8 months and I had to be induced.

Yanbu. She can fuck off.

I have lovely memories of my baby shower. I had a wonderful afternoon with friends. Which is exactly what it is meant to be.

Blimey, talk about Pregnant Princess Tippytoes 👀

You'll be moaning soon enough that your DH has become close to her and his niece/nephew, and you're feeling left out.

I can’t believe you’ve never met them.

Yes. And you don't typically organise your own, op.
It's such a blatant trawl for presents, I'm surprised you're actually bothered who's going.

Grow up.

This is the mother of your kids’ cousin so find a way to be an adult and get along and not be offended by so much!

What a nasty thread. Why is everyone being so vile to the OP?

Nice one MNetters. Top notch bullying behaviour- have you read the update?

What a lot of there are on this thread. She didn't ask for your opinion on having a baby shower .
I wouldn't be involving her in my financial circumstances regardless of the relationship prior. Get a specialist. If they're offended tough
as for inviting her to the shower It depends on whether they're looking to build bridges and if you want your children to have a relationship with their cousins I would also remind JP of his comments about her being a stalker .

Don’t organise your own baby shower! And as for a sip and see I’d be very busy that day.

Sorry OP. You ought to have put in your OP that this was your first and not third babyshower. Even though I find them cringe myself a third babyshower is really ott and I'm sure you would have gotten different replies if you had been clearer on the outset. Still let SIL come.

Irrelevant. She is in her third child.
Baby showers normally happen before 8 months anyway.

It would be a good way to get to know each other.

Have we reached peak tweeness with 'sip and see'?
As a post menopausal woman I'm more likely to sip and pee!

Not unreasonable but just because I hate the way your DH has said she'll make a good friend for you because it would suit him. You're a grown woman, you get to pick your own friends

Your baby shower is not the time for this first get together. Your dh needs to read the room and support you. The woman needs to go do one.

You’ll get battered on here for mentioning a baby shower 😂Anyone would think you’re asking these folk to buy you a pack of bibs and join you for a butty! Take no notice - they’re great fun! Since when has the third child been less important/exciting!

On the other hand, I’d personally try to heal the family rift. It’s of no advantage to keep this lady in the distance. You might just find she’s nice and the children may well form a lovely aunty/ uncle bond which would benefit everybody. Don’t listen to other people’s ’opinions’, make your own mind up.

As for her giving you advice, that would be a ‘no thank you’ from me. Business and pleasure should never be mixed, ever!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope it’s smooth sailing!

Baby showers are for the first child. Having them for subsequent ones is tacky and grabby.

Astonished. I would not want to go to a baby shower of somebody I know and love, never mind somebody I have never even met.

Seriously, @Pippa12 ? Baby showers are great fun? Your usual social life must be riveting indeed.

I can't get past the fact you have a 4 year old niece you've never met. That's so sad.

Don't think I've ever been to a baby shower where the pregnant woman has organised it for herself either, usually they are thrown for you by other people. And then the guest list wouldn't be on you to say who to invite/not invite.