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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish people would stop congratulating me on having "one of each"?

59 replies

BroccoliSpears · 26/05/2008 15:37

It just strikes me as an odd thing to bang on about.

"Oooh! One of each, aren't you clever!"

Ummm, no. It wasn't anything I did, and I would have been just as thrilled if DC2 had been another girl.

If he had been a girl would everyone have been secretly disappointed? Would they have assumed I was disappointed?

What about families who have all girls or all boys? Have they failed in some way?

And what is the deal with assuming that now I've got "one of each" I won't be having any more children?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 26/05/2008 15:38

Message withdrawn

RustyBear · 26/05/2008 15:39

I had exactly the same thing 18 years ago when I had DD - "Aren't you clever?"
Weird isn't it!

VictorianSqualor · 26/05/2008 15:39

Ach, Wait til you're pg again, then you'll get 'it doesn't matter what you have as you have one of each'

I wanted to say to people, it wouldn't matter either way, but now you mention it a boy would be more practical

sleepycat · 26/05/2008 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 26/05/2008 15:41

my family is disgustingly twee ... boy followed by girl ... I would like another child if only to be less standardised

don't worry, people only comment for the first few years, then they don't seem to care any more

FluffyMummy123 · 26/05/2008 15:41

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 26/05/2008 15:41

when I say 'I would like another child' obviously that'll be when hell freezes over

coppertop · 26/05/2008 15:42

And when you have 2 boys and 1 girl they tell you that you have to have another girl "just to balance things out".

Twiglett · 26/05/2008 15:43

the other thing to bear in mind is that nobody really cares at all .. it is a comment that involves such a small amount of the brain that you can tell they just don't care but feel they should say something.

In the main other people don't really care about your family make-up, unless of course you are close mates in which case they just care that their kids get on with yours

I think

Ledodgy · 26/05/2008 15:44

I used to get this before ds2 came along. When pregnant with ds2 I always got 'Don't suppose you mind what this one is as you've got one of each.' Now I get 'Ooh two boys you've got your hands full with them' actually dd is the most work atm.

jellyforbrains · 26/05/2008 15:44

Yes, I hate this too. Two of the same would have been just as lovely.

I get the 'doesn't matter what you have this time as you have one of each' comments all the time. Wouldn't be bothered either way even if I did have 2 the same already.

LyraSilvertongue · 26/05/2008 15:45

People assume every parent wants one of each. I'm quite happy with my two boys. I feel no need for a girl but people constantly ask if we'll try again 'for a girl'.

VictorianSqualor · 26/05/2008 15:45

Lol, coppertop I was just imagining what comments I'll get next time Im pg, I expect it will be the balancing one

SylvieBruno · 26/05/2008 15:47

BS,I totally agree. I felt like this. I heard all sorts of rubbish. A protestant family, a pidgeon pair, congratulations on one of each etc etc... like I had any control over it!

I wouldn't presume to be able to choose a pair of trousers that my best friend, so to try and second guess what preference of gender a near stranger might have is really .................... [shock}

3andnomore · 26/05/2008 15:47

Broccoli, you are right on the money there...I have 3 boys and the amount of times that I was asked " are you going to try for a girl" or the amount of times people said things like " you must be so diappointed"....well...countless as you can imagine...
It's stupid really....just like all those people that ask a mum of a newborn "is she/he good"...which translated means...."does your child sleep through"...stupid and pointless....lol...

SylvieBruno · 26/05/2008 15:50

"the other thing to bear in mind is that nobody really cares at all .. it is a comment that involves such a small amount of the brain that you can tell they just don't care but feel they should say something. "

This is very true twiglett........

I used to comment on people's bumps, just harmless, oh you're very neat, or "oh you're all bump" or "you don't look pregnant from behind"... all very innocuous I thought, but I've seen so many threads on boards from people upset with things their friends have said to them that now I would hesitate to say anything...... even to a friend.

Original poster
BroccoliSpears · 26/05/2008 16:28

Yes, people are just talking for something to say.

I think it probably irritates me because my brother had 4 gorgeous boys and no girls and it is so asinine to imply that his family could have been in any way improved if one of those beautiful boys had been a girl.

OP posts:
findtheriver · 26/05/2008 16:50

Pointless thing to say. As someone else said, no one gives a flying fart about the make up of your family. They are just making small talk.

Chandon · 26/05/2008 17:26

Why does it botehr you though, why not just shrug it off ?

Often it is just conversation, something to say.

Wonder why it makes you so cross though, I don´t think it´s that offensive, really.

tobytortoise · 26/05/2008 17:38

I've got two (gorgeous) boys. One of my best friends has a boy and a girl and is pregnant with number 3. EVERY TIME someone asks her if she knows what she's having, she replies "No, I've been lucky enough to have one of each, so I don't mind". Makes my blood boil just a little as I stand there with my two (lovely) sons......am I unlucky then???!!!!! Grrrr

HonoriaGlossop · 26/05/2008 18:06

did you know there is a right order, as well though?

When my mum had me (after my brother) her MIL congratulated her that she'd had one of each "and in the right order!" meaning I guess, that the boy is expected first to be the one who looks after his feeble little sister

agree with Twig though that most people are just trying to find something to say

I always make a point of saying to friends who have had two or three of the same sex, how the kids will love being a little band of brothers or sisters when they're older.

Probably find am offending someone with that as well I guess!

dizzydixies · 26/05/2008 18:11

am currently pg with dc3 after two beautiful dds - apparently its only because I haven't had a boy yet I'm very happy to have 2 healthy kids and will be delighted with this one too whatever flavour it arrives as

3andnomore · 26/05/2008 19:08

lol...yeah that was one I always got..."oh, trying for a girl, are you /" Hm, no, really just wanted another Baby...

BarcodeZebra · 26/05/2008 21:09

My DD put folk in their place. When DW was PG with our second (daughter as it turned out) people used to say to DD, "and what do you want , a brother or a sister?" She would reply, deadpan, "a baby."

She was 2.

bigshopper · 26/05/2008 21:53

People kept asking me if I was disappointed when I had ds3. I thought it was incredibly offensive - like there was something unappealing about my children. And the real problem was that I was disappointed, so it dug the knife in and twisted it a bit.