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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish people would stop congratulating me on having "one of each"?

59 replies

BroccoliSpears · 26/05/2008 15:37

It just strikes me as an odd thing to bang on about.

"Oooh! One of each, aren't you clever!"

Ummm, no. It wasn't anything I did, and I would have been just as thrilled if DC2 had been another girl.

If he had been a girl would everyone have been secretly disappointed? Would they have assumed I was disappointed?

What about families who have all girls or all boys? Have they failed in some way?

And what is the deal with assuming that now I've got "one of each" I won't be having any more children?

OP posts:
Khara · 26/05/2008 21:57

It's even worse if you already have two the same sex and then #3 is the opposite gender.

"Oh, how lovely, a little girl!"

"You must be so happy to have finally got your girl!"

"You can stop now that you've got your girl!"

I sometimes think if dd had been another boy, we'd have been expected to send him back. And that people consider ds2 a bit of a blip who spoilt the perfect balance of our family.

What some people don't get is that while it's nice to have a girl, what I really wanted was a baby - and even if ds2 had been a girl, I'd still have wanted another baby!

Trix11 · 26/05/2008 22:14

I found this irritating too, I have one ds and then a dd - I was so overjoyed to have second child after 3 miscarriages. I could not beleive the amount of people that said "thats great one of each you dont need to have any more now"

I am now 8 months pregnant with no.3 and the same people say - oh, did you mean to get pregnant again

sweetkitty · 26/05/2008 22:19

Am pregnant with DD3 I have had

"nevermind as long as it's healthy"
"poor DP" this really annoys DP why is her poor?
"are you going to keep going until you get a boy then?"

jasper · 26/05/2008 23:01

people are just being kind!

eekamoose · 26/05/2008 23:16

I like to think I wouldn't say anything so inane, but honestly, is it something to be annoyed about? You might turn into someone very strange and angry like the old boy who came out of his house today to have a go at me for driving about 1ft onto his driveway whilst doing a 3 point turn in a narrow road.

3andnomore · 27/05/2008 09:28

jasper, people aren't kind...they are irritating and thoughtless and can be very hurtful with stupid comments like that!

Saymyname · 27/05/2008 09:29

I say "oh, that's nice" whatever combination of kids somebody has. Perhaps they're just being polite sometimes?

3andnomore · 27/05/2008 09:30

Saymyname, believe me the comment you are making is much more polite....surely which ever combination someone has is nice!

CantSleepWontSleep · 27/05/2008 09:31

YANBU - I am ideally hoping for a second girl (scan today when we'll hopefully find out), and it doesn't mean that we'll continue trying to get 2 'matching' boys.

3andnomore · 27/05/2008 09:35

best of luck CSWS
I must admit to being relieved when pg with ds3 and learning we would be having a 3rd boy, because I felt it would make it easier for ds2...being a middlechild is meant to be hard anyway, and the youngest will always be more spoiled (by others anyway...Babies always are....), but I know if ds3 had been a girl, then ds2 would have been really pushed out...

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 09:38

lmao @ "with care you get matching kids"

I have "a complete set" apparently.

misdee · 27/05/2008 09:39

am expecting dc#4.

have convinced myself its a boy this time, so i can prepare for all the 'awww so u finally got your boy then' comments.

but if its another girl then that would be fantastic as well.

DontCallMeBaby · 27/05/2008 09:40

I'm with saymyname here, it goes:

"Three girls - lovely"
"Two boys - lovely"
"One of each - lovely"

Because it IS, isn't it.

My only exception is I did send 'condolences' to my cousin's daughter when her third little brother arrived, on the basis that I'd found ONE little brother to be quite enough (that's my little brother, not a DS of mine), but I think the whole family took that in the manner in which it was intended!

Twiglett · 27/05/2008 09:41

I have decided I am clever

3andnomore · 27/05/2008 09:45

lol twiglett...

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 09:45

I do like that my youngest will never have to wear his older sibling's handmedowns (we get them from friends, but it isn't the same as seeing your sister wearing it for ages before you).

But at the same time he is a bit miffed by it. he likes dresses.

misdee · 27/05/2008 09:47

aqs demonstrated in your pics flame lol.

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 09:49

I'm not sure I said what I meant with the handmedowns... where money is always tight, if I had two girls I would feel bad because I only tend to buy new when they have grown out of it and I have nothing waiting the next size up (you have to love Psycho's millions of children and her shopping addiction - oodles of clothes passed down ) - the younger one would definitely end up lacking in the shiney new department

posieparker · 27/05/2008 09:52

I think people are just stuck for something to say. I have 2 dss and 1 dd and am having a 4th, this time I would like a girl as it wouls suit the dynamic better, although I understand because I have a preference that it is most likely to be a ds and I'm sure I will be delighted.
When having my 3rd I didn't mind but everyone thought it was brilliant to have a girl, me included! However I am sure ppl would have been delighted to have '3 boys' too!

3andnomore · 27/05/2008 09:53

Flamesparro...well...your younger one would just have to be "clever" and grow taller then the older one That is how I did it....and my sister is 4 years older...

HoBo · 27/05/2008 09:59

Thats me then! I do that

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 10:01

That makes me feel better 3&nomore - was getting very upset feeling guilty about the mythical child

Psychomum5 · 27/05/2008 10:02

you lot should have been with me when I was pregnant with DD3.....

all I got (and I do mean ALL.....every sodding phone call ended with this phrase from my family...) was "well, of course we all just hope it is a boy for simon's sake" (my dh)

I mean.......what the fuck......did I not fucking count???????

((sorry for the actuall swearing, aunty drives me to it))

anyway, I had a good long sob one day on my HV for it (I was lucky then, had the best HV in the entire world)....and she said, as a complete put down to aunty....

"well...Simon will gert ut what HE put in!"

heheheheheh

worked, she shut up then!!!((with an absolute horrified gasp I might add))

shmae really that they all disowned me when I fell for DS2 (#5), (except aunty), I mean, the fact that we continued having sex after 'failing' to get the others right......god, the utter embarrassment of me.....

((oh, I did have a boy after girl #3, but apparently he was uncounted as there was 'just' 17mth between him and DD3.....was not the 'done thing' either!!!))

families....

Psychomum5 · 27/05/2008 10:04

flame......@ my 'millions' of children!!

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 10:07

nyeh - 5... millions... same thing

Thought you were out today