To go swimming in the sea whilst the kids are in bed?

[Maezzle]

We live by the sea. It is fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water. It is a safe place to swim and we are good swimmers.

Are we unreasonable to go for a fifteen minute swim once the kids (preschool) are asleep? They never wake. We would have a friend lined up who would come and babysit if they don't hear from us after half an hour (in case of shark attack or other unforeseen event)!

Basically the only risk is a house fire. We would not have any appliances running and the house would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view. Window open so we'd hear smoke alarm.

I feel like this should be acceptable as it's basically like having a swimming pool in your garden. But for some reason I feel it isn't okay, but I don't know why!

What would you do?

YABU you should be locked up for even thinking of it.
YANBU it's just like a swimming pool, it's fine.

If it’s a romantic swim it means you won’t be concentrated on the house/ windows etc. You and your partner will be concentrated on each other so you can easily lose sense of time or not notice something.

Totally! Being sarky for being called out.

Imagine prioritising a romantic swim over your kids safety.

Whereas you can see thorough walls when swimming in the sea?

Not really sure why you’re bothering to ask on here, it sounds like you’ve already made your mind up about it.

You don’t have to miss it though you just have to be sensible, you have friends that would come around if you die in the sea or whatever and don’t return in 30mins so are clearly open to helping, so have them come around and watch tv and keep an eye on everything.

Absolutely crazy to suggest. You can’t just assume they will be okay because they have been every other night and regardless of the dangers you think in the water or that might not be there.. swimming can always be dangerous. Not only that but if one of your children wake up looking for you and not there anything could happen. They are pre school age and 100% need your presence.

Quite, also, the OP's justifications are all over the place.

Fifteen metres through the garden from the door to the edge of the water.
Already far enough.

Would never be more than 30 metres away and in full view.
So 15 metres in the water....

Take around 30 seconds to get into the house from the furthest point we'd swim to.
So running at 1 metres per second including in the water.....

Beggars belief!

Behave yourself

I completely understand your hesitation—you're clearly thoughtful parents who are prioritizing safety and trying to weigh the risks. In practical terms, your plan sounds very cautious: Kids are asleep and not likely to wake. You're only 15 meters away, house in full view. Smoke alarm audible through open window. No appliances running = reduced fire risk. You've even got a backup babysitter plan. Honestly, it doesn't sound negligent at all. It’s probably safer than some parents being inside but distracted (e.g. with headphones on or in deep sleep). The comparison to having a private swimming pool in your garden is a fair one. Still, I think the slight discomfort you're feeling comes from the cultural norm that you should always be physically inside the house while your kids are asleep. It’s not necessarily about actual danger—just what feels acceptable or not. Personally, if you feel confident, you’ve covered the safety bases, and you’re staying close and vigilant—I’d say: YANBU.

No you absolutely can't leave your preschoolers to go swimming. They need to be looked after, all the time!

Well yes. You chose to have 2 children. Of course you can't leave them alone in the house while you go off for a romantic dip. It'll be a long time before this is an option unless you get a babysitter

I actually think it’s fine.

Jesus. I have a pre schooler and just can’t even imagine wondering if this would be OK. Honestly, what’s the difference between 15 feet and 15 miles? You can’t see them, respond to them, hear them. You can’t PROTECT them.

Get a babysitter!!

Setting aside the swimming in the sea aspect, I wouldn’t leave two preschoolers unattended full stop. What if one of them has a medical emergency like a fit? I know it can happen at any age but when they’re that small they wouldn’t be able to raise the alarm and you couldn’t see it by looking at the window.

Go once they're at preschool / nursery then

Surely this?

@Maezzle I think a bit more info is needed. I dont think it's that wild to do what you say if you can see the house fully directly from the sea and I mean see into the garden and full view of house. Maybe cut it down to 20 min swim and you take it in turns to check the monitor/camera every so often - With a monitor or some sort of device to watch/listen in. Probably won't be as romantic as you envisaged. I also think you know your kids best, if they don't wake up in the night then I think there are ways you can make it work.

We once went on holiday with a large group of friends staying in a chateau/villa set over 4 floors. It was very secure. But living accommodation was ground floor and 1st floor, with 2 floors below and on the lowest floor was access to the outdoor pool. We had 1 night when all the kids (toddlers and preschoolers had gone to bed) where the adults had a late night swim& bbq. But we had to take it turns to check for noise of the kids. None of them woke up but the big worry was the stone steps but we all knew our kids well enough to know that either they wouldn't wake up or if they did, they wouldn't get out of bed. To be honest it was pretty stressful and we were up and down like a yoyo. It wasn't the distance, more that we were so many floors down and then outside. If you have neighbours nearby with a teenager who wants to earn a fiver for watching them then I'd do that.
Sounds like you live in a wonderful place, I'm quite envious!

YABU. They are pre-school age and should never be left home alone - anything could happen and they are completely unable to do anything should an emergency happen at home 🙄🫣 Recipe for disaster.

I did also leave my then 3 year old for max 2.5/3 mins at a time to nip downstairs where I live and put washing on, take bins out. That was when he was watching TV. He was fine.

did you not see the story of the mum who left 2 sets of twins so she could go shopping....

they all died

Is your surname McCann?

Of course you don’t do this.

House fire?

my general rule on these things is that if you need to ask the question, you already know deep down what the answer is :-)

I’d be more worried about the kids waking up, DC1 is 8 and has slept through the night since she was 1 but last night she had a nightmare and needed comforting. She’d have been distraught if she couldn’t find us in the house. A pool is different because you could set up a monitor outside.

I understand the temptation but how could you really relax and enjoy your swim? Half my mind would be imagining some hideous accident happening in the house while I was splashing in the sea. It is just not worth the risk