Annoying MIL

[Mummypie21]

My MIL isn't a horrible person but she says random annoying things - usually about appearances. I usually don't respond and just smile and nod absent-mindedly but sometimes after a difficult week (and she insists on seeing us several times a week), I have had enough. These are the following things that she's said:

1. She adores my older ds more and this is obvious. She says that people in our church community have assumed that she is his mother (bearing in mind she is 76 and he is 7!).
2. She said my older ds will be tall and slim like his dad (her son). DH isn't tall (he is 5'8). My younger DS will probably end up short like me (I'm 5'1).
3. Apparently my older ds looks exactly like her so is stunning. My younger DS is 'nice-looking' but not gorgeous because he looks like me.
4. She says she is stunning but ended up with my FIL (who in her words is nice-looking but not beautiful) because he's a nice guy.

She supposedly likes me a lot though. She has my photo on her FB profile. She tells all her friends that I'm the daughter she never had. She will phone me over her own son. She isn't uncomplimentary of me -apparently I have a great personality. However, she constantly goes on about how gorgeous she is when in fact she's a perfectly average-looking older woman (who looks younger than 76 though). Do I just continue to smile and indulge her?

You lost me at insists on seeing her several times a week. Why pander to that shit?

She lives locally and does help out with the boys (although she insists on seeing us at any opportunity). She has been a lot better after we put in some boundaries. Originally, after I had my first born, she tried to move in with us.

Bump

She sounds bonkers to be honest! She must be delusional if she really believes people think she's your DSs mother 😳 and it's highly unusual for someone to boast that they are stunning. Is she going a bit funny in old age or has she always been this odd?

If I were you, I would shut down comments on your children's appearance, especially comparisons. Say very firmly that you and DH think both your children are impossibly beautiful and don't appreciate them being compared to each other - they are unique. On her other comments I'd just roll my eyes and laugh 'You are funny MIL!'

I can't believe she honestly thinks people think she is your 7yo's mum!! She's bonkers

She's always been a bit focused on her looks. She likes make-up and it's great that she takes care of her appearance. However, she has made more comments over the years. I think she is struggling with getting old.

A song as she doesn’t say things to the children about their looks,Why can’t you just indulge her? On day you will be a 70 ish mother in law yourself.

I'm do indulge her a lot.

I just don't like her comments about my older DS being better looking than my younger DS. Thankfully, my younger boy is resilient and will say back 'I'm still handsome though'.

Having a favourite grandchild based on their looks and to stating this proudly is awful and this behaviour shouldn't be indulged.

Bad behaviour that damages children should never be indulged.

She also comments on my appearance which I don't appreciate. She will say things like 'I was so much slimmer than you when I was your age'. (I'm a size 10 and she's a size 8). Or 'if you wore heels, we'd be the same height' (she's 5'3 so a couple of inches taller than me).

Your younger child shouldn’t need to be resilient when it comes to how family members talk about him. I’d be drawing a hard line with her about the behaviour, although comments about her own appearance sound silly and like they could be ignored. Where is your dh in all this?

She is self-obsessed and rude. You see far too much of her. You need to cut down the visits. Once a week is plenty. Don't worry about offending her as she doesn't care if she offends you.

Is she like this with other people? I'm assuming that she spends so much time with you because she doesn't have many friend as who wants to spend time with someone whose only topic of conversation is how gorgeous she is (when she really really isn't). People must laugh at her behind her back.

When my mum was 69 she was hospitalised, she was asked if she could be pregnant as they thought she was in her 40s! She was morbidly obese so not a milf or anything

My DH ignores it and rolls his eyes or laughs. That's why she talks to me about it.

She has a few old friends but they have a similar temperament. She's quite boastful with them too but they'll say things back and try to outdo each other!

I admit I'm passive and a people-pleaser. I need to work on my confidence.

I can’t believe that you are letting her say things like that in front of your younger son. He may be resilient now but give him time and that drip… drip….drip of negativity will work away at him.

I just can’t believe you find that acceptable.

I do say back that ds is handsome. And she will agree with that. She says they are both good-looking but older DS is 'gorgeous' because he looks like her.

You spend far too much time with her. See her less and she will be less annoying.

She has been a lot better after we put in some boundaries. Originally, after I had my first born, she tried to move in with us.

Blimey - what on earth happened and how did you sort it out??

She helps out with the children? In what way?

She does childcare whilst we work- although both children attend school. I chose to work part-time and school hours only because I didn't want her to be here all the time. However, even when I'm off she'll try to come over and hang out. She lives quite close by.

I was assertive with her for the first time. Both DH and I explained that we needed space to bond with our child. We ensured that she was still able to see ds loads but that there were times we weren't free.

My MiL can be as daft as a brush about some things too. She is a kind loving woman though who loves me. So I just put it in the no one's perfect drawer. Your MiL shouldn't obsess about looks in front of DC, but is unlikely to change the habits of a lifetime. Just have a quiet word with them about taking no notice, its just granny being granny. I doubt older DS will be particularly flattered at looking like a 76 year old woman, or younger offended at not, so no harm done.

You need to realise exactly how DAMAGING this is to both your kids.

You and your DH are willfully allowing her to damage not only your self-esteem but that of small kids.... that I'd appalling. You need to be very strong with her and tell her to stop the comments and kick her out when she makes them so that she learns... if she is capable.

Your h needs to put her in her place with these stupid comments, sounds as if her brain is going off tangent . Kids mother ffs, the church lot either indulge her nonsense or joke about it behind her back.
If my ex mil had ever spoken about my lads like that I would have been down on her like a ton of bricks from the start.
I'm NOT a people pleaser and never have been.