Annoying MIL

[Mummypie21]

My MIL isn't a horrible person but she says random annoying things - usually about appearances. I usually don't respond and just smile and nod absent-mindedly but sometimes after a difficult week (and she insists on seeing us several times a week), I have had enough. These are the following things that she's said:

1. She adores my older ds more and this is obvious. She says that people in our church community have assumed that she is his mother (bearing in mind she is 76 and he is 7!).
2. She said my older ds will be tall and slim like his dad (her son). DH isn't tall (he is 5'8). My younger DS will probably end up short like me (I'm 5'1).
3. Apparently my older ds looks exactly like her so is stunning. My younger DS is 'nice-looking' but not gorgeous because he looks like me.
4. She says she is stunning but ended up with my FIL (who in her words is nice-looking but not beautiful) because he's a nice guy.

She supposedly likes me a lot though. She has my photo on her FB profile. She tells all her friends that I'm the daughter she never had. She will phone me over her own son. She isn't uncomplimentary of me -apparently I have a great personality. However, she constantly goes on about how gorgeous she is when in fact she's a perfectly average-looking older woman (who looks younger than 76 though). Do I just continue to smile and indulge her?

Just let it wash over or can you make a joke of it. ‘Yes we all know how gorgeous you are’

Classic narcissism. Why do people pander to these people? Actually I know the answer to that - it’s because they offer money, childcare or something else you need so that they retain the control.
I can’t believe you let her talk about your children that way! It’s one thing to let her disrespect you, but totally another to let her damage them emotionally by being so obvious with which is her favourite/golden child.
I guarantee you she only “likes” you because you are feeding her narcissism by being such a people pleaser.
Start calling her out on her nasty critical comments and your picture will be taken off her Facebook profile quicker than a blink 😆

Every time she comments about your boys say they are both extremely handsome then laugh and say and fortunately neither look too much like you as they are boys!

That’s a hell of a drip feed that really needed to be in the OP.

I'm amazed you can keep a straight face!
I'd have been taking the mickey long ago.
"Yes, Marge, you are totally stunning, aren't you, when is your next eye test due"? 🥸

She sounds like one of those people who has little digs but then does a little laugh at the end because ‘they’re only joking, when it isn’t funny, just rude, but you look like a miserable dick for not getting the totally unfunny joke.

The fact that she passes comment on your children is bad enough, but is pretty shit to say it when they can hear her!

Perhaps you could teach your kids to say ‘granny, you’re not as tall as *whoever, and she’s prettier too’. 😉.

Actually they don't offer enough for what I put up with 😂 but (although I was born and raised here), it is culturally ingrained in us to respect our elders. I'm actually assertive in my job but less so with relatives. But yes, I will be calling her out on it.

I don't want my boys to have self-esteem issues (which I suffered from).

I hear you OP- my mil is exactly the same. I just do a patronising head tilt and say”gosh- what an awful/horrible/judgmental/unkind thing to say. Why do you think that is ok?” In as neutral a voice as I can reasonably manage, think detached disinterest. She used to say it was just her opinion and she was entitled to voice it to which my reply was always “not if you think continuing to have any relationship with my children is going to happen “ and over the years she has wound her neck in. Saying shit like this means she is not interested in how it might make you or your kids feel, so don’t be too concerned about her feelings either if it means your kids know you have their feelings as a priority. Best of luck, and people pleasing is not something you want to model for kids generally either. Best of luck.

It is so random though. Dh and I are on the shorter side . 5’3” and 5’9”

we have one DS who is 5’9”, one DS who is 6’0 and DD who is 5’4”

I think you can sort of have an expectation based on the parents' heights but sometimes it's just unexpected. I know two brothers (same parents) with one being 5'11 and the other barely 5'6.