Seriously thinking about leaving the UK

[Tanyasfootspa]

I’m not sure when the turning point was, but DH and I have hit a wall. The DC are both at university now, and for the first time in a long time, we’re thinking seriously about leaving the UK. The only thing stopping us is wanting to be close to potential future grandchildren.

It just doesn’t feel like the same country anymore. Everything seems to be falling apart — the NHS, education, transport, basic services — and yet at the same time, there’s this growing mindset that the government should step in and fix every personal problem. I’m all for supporting people who genuinely need help, but it’s frustrating seeing how much personal responsibility has gone out the window. It feels like no one’s expected to stand on their own two feet anymore.

We’ve worked hard our whole lives, paid our taxes, and honestly, it feels like we’re constantly penalised for it. Meanwhile, the cost of living is insane, our quality of life is slipping, and every time we turn on the news, it’s just more chaos or excuses.

We’ve started looking at options — maybe Canada, or somewhere in Europe (though Brexit makes that harder). We don’t expect a perfect life anywhere, but we want to live somewhere that still feels like it’s moving forward, not falling apart.

Has anyone else made the move once the kids were grown up? Did it help? Are we just burned out, or is this how others are feeling too?

Would really love to hear your honest experiences.

Where is the OP? Moved already?

It does sound as though those looking to move are not poor! One has a home already in the country of their choice, another will keep their home in the UK up their sleeve.

These are just the people with good earnings and assets who complain about all that is wrong with the UK but do not want to contribute their share, so are hoping to dodge this by going somewhere else .... we do not get good services with those who could contribute buggering off with greedy self-interest shining from their eyes.
My income is way way below the national average but I am happy to contribute as required.
The reason that Scandinavia has good services and contented people is that their attitude is not me me me .... they have a sense of community and shared responsibility.
I do find all this sickening.

We moved to Canada, albeit nearly 20 years ago, moved back after 5 years as I was very homesick.
The first thing that struck me when we got there was the newspapers and TV news were all complaining about the same stuff. Particularly problems with the health care system and a huge shortage of GP's.
It's difficult to move to Canada and Australia over the age of 45, you'd need a lot of money to offset the impact you will potentially have on their health and social care as you get older.
For me it wasn't so amazing that I was OK with being far away from families and friends.

I'm still angry at my parents for ever leaving Ireland. What were they thinking 🥺.
It's still got its problems but it's wilder, greener and friendlier and the roads are more navigable.

Surely you could go back, or do you have ties here that make that near impossible? With Irish citizenship the EU is more accessible for you too.

I think it is almost everywhere now, I do understand how you feel though. I have just got home from a nice lunch in town and the state of our city centre now is shameful and as for the area I live in, well less said about that the better. I fantasise about living somewhere less dirty, less noisy, less scar. y (my city has had a spate of stabbings and machette attacks in broad daylight in areas crowded with people and it can feel unsafe even in the daytime) and people seem harassed and more aggressive lately. I think you have to be fairly wealth these days to get some peace away from the pressure of modern life so it is not a realistic prospect for most . If you can afford it and you have a specific place in mind that you know will be pleasant to live in then go for it

Which countries look most feasible OP, in terms of requirements to get permission to stay?

I agree. Good riddance

Utopia on a 3 week holiday, but to live there it is extremely eye watering level expensive (as is the rest of the world) there is a massive housing crisis, a lot of the healthcare systems are on their knees. A few reddit posts on just how terribly grim it is to work for NSW health and QLD health is in total crisis!
The weather is amazing for a short holiday, but extremely humidity and heat gets tiring, they also get A LOT of rain.
There is a sleazy, seedy undertone, misogyny is absolutely rife in everyday life, just look at the domestic abuse levels. Youth crime is a massive massive problem, as is home/car break ins.
Racism and homophobia are real issues too.

Nowhere in the world is perfect but id say 6 weeks in to our trip we still thought it was paradise, however add another month on top of that we really began to settle in to "normal" life and see what it was like day to day.
The locals are very very annoyed over the massive housing crisis, cost of living, stories of long wait times for surgeries etc...under the surface of it all it has all of the problems that the UK has, it just has more sunny days.

My PIL moved abroad when they retired for a better quality of life. They enjoyed it. But MIL is now on her own and she regrets not having a close relationship with her grandkids. She talks about moving back but would struggle to afford it given respective property prices.

As someone who has worked in elderly care for over 15 years you'll be surprised how many people suddenly decide they want to move back to the UK once they start having health/mobility issues.

In many European countries care is given by relatives, there just isn't the same social services that we have here for elderly people who need help.

I say give it a go, but keep a property here (rent it out while you're away), because you never know what life might throw at you - elderly parents needing you to come back to look after them, grandchildren you want to spend time with, anything.

I wouldn’t move anywhere where I didn’t speak the language fluently, so that would limit me to US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, African countries where English is the first language, and ex pat hell holes like Dubai.

None of those places particularly appeals currently. I’ve always loved the US but wouldn’t move there given the direction of travel politically. Oceania is too far away and feels a bit dull. Africa too hot. Canada is probably the best of the bunch.

If language wasn’t an issue, I’d look seriously at Denmark or Norway.

You don't need to move abroad to get away from violent crime though.

I live in the SE, in a town of approx 20k people. We have a low crime rate, low enough for me to feel comfortable leaving my back door wide open during the recent hot nights. Violent crime is very rare and I never worry about walking home late at night, even though I'm 69 and far too old and decrepit to run or fight back. People are mostly polite and helpful: when I was loading my car with stuff to take to the tip the other day, the teenage lad along the road stopped and gave me a hand. And people look out for one another.

And my town isn't special, there are other towns of similar size in this and the next county that are just as safe. I think it's the difference between small towns and big cities, tbh.

Move to the nicer parts of Devon or Cornwall. On a sunny day you’ll feel like you’re abroad. Compared to the big cities it’s relatively safe, calm, and beautiful.

But it's much much worse for things like health care, educational needs, public transport, jobs, investment, infrastructure and good luck getting an NHS dentist in the next decade.

The scenery might be pretty, but that means nothing if you need other things in life.

I've lived in a few hot countries and can tell you it's much worse here as we don't have air conditioning anywhere so you never get a break from it.

I agree with everything here

DS starts uni next year (DD already there) and I will be looking at my options tbh.

Our kids have enjoyed university and thrived there. But they have still valued our input, practical support and a place to come to in the holidays. Of course they are adults and could have coped without us. But I am glad we were able to be there for them when needed. I wouldn’t up sticks at this stage of life really unless I really had to.

That is sort of true, but it's mainly wealthy or high earners who consider emigrating. Funny how nobody on benefits wants to move.

For all we know OP or her DH/DW might have no-UK passport

The health care has been amazing. I get gp appts on the same day, regular check ups as a previous cancer patient (in a totally different part of the country). No school issues, no one is getting an NHS dentist anymore.

Do we even know what OP’s intentions are with a move abroad, working, retirement?

I envy you, I have been burgled twice, and I was seriously sexually assualted by a drunk stranger while walking home from work. My adult child was attacke and beaten up in an unprovoked attack by two random strangers. I wouldn't leave my back open ever, only do it when popping out to the bin, I have had my back yard broken into twice this year already despite having a high fence and a high locked gate, people just jump over the fence. I only peg washing out if I am at home and can keep an eye on it from the kitchen window. Flytipping is an almost daily issue and I am too ashamed to invite people to my home. A walk to the local supermarket means encountering drunks and beggars and it is not uncommon to see drug deals going on. Too poor and too old to move, I get really down and sometimes feel that I am just waiting to die and for it all to be over. Can't even fantasise about a lottery win as I gave up playing it years ago!

@thecookiecrumblesthisway I'm a Brit who's lived in Nova Scotia for more than a decade. I can confirm that I'm also laughing at the "can't go outside in the winter" comment. There's a reason that Canada is a world leader in winter sports! Canada has issues like everywhere else - we moved here partly because property prices in the UK were so high, but we're seeing the same here now. Also lots of discontent about immigration (and I would venture to say racially motivated). Healthcare is a mess. Where the UK goes, Canada follows.

@LaudCodec language was no issue when we lived in Copenhagen 98% speak great English - I learnt a bit of Danish but really got by fine in English ,my friend in Utrecht in Netherlands is the same- thing is though post Brexit you can’t just go there and stay without jumping through a lot of hoops if you don’t have an EU passport - even if you have plenty of cash