Food Not ready

[Fatcrab]

At 12.40pm Told OH id be back from chemo at 1.15pm and they asked if I wanted food to which i said yes a patty & a smoothie.

For context I cook all lunches & dinners (better cook & i enjoy it) and I only really ask for a day off when Im super busy or ill etc.

Anyway I get in at 1.23 and have literally 7mins to shovel down the food before a 1.30pm meeting. Patty isnt cooked its frozen in the middle which I spat out. Im annoyed, Im tired, im hungry I just needed something to eat in the little gap. Im having to have a blood transfusion tomorrow due to all the chemo.....is it too much to ask for your partner to get it together when you are going through it...I dont think its good enough....given how how much I do, i serve food all the time and if i know theres a rush or small window i get it ready. 😭😡

We'e had a row. Ugh I should have just got a takeaway

Yanbu considering the circumstances but were they aware you needed to have eaten in such a tight window? If my dh said he was home for 1.15 id probably aim for 1.30 or 1.46 for lunch as traffic delays happen

Im not sure what a patty is? If it takes says 30 minutes to cook then perhaps not enough time to heat the oven up and cook it properly. Was the smoothie ready? It sounds like you are going through a tough time.

Yeh I did say I had to go to a meeting :( I know im moaning), but when you feel the way I do....I just need to feel valued and looked after the way I look after. Its a silly thing I know... I left the house early to get to chemo for 8.45am....there was a delay so nothing actually started until 10.15...i had a few biscuits with my tea and so yes i was hangry and obs my blood sugar is down.

Moan 🤐🤐🤐

Did he know you would have only 15 minutes to eat?’if I knew my DH was getting home at a certain time I’d make food for 10-15 minutes after that time.

Burger I think? Have heard it called a patty before

@TigerRag @tealandteal Beef Patty....its like a cornish pasty.

I don’t think it’s realistic to cram a cooked meal down in 7 minutes whether it was ready or not. I’d want to take my shoes off, go to the loo, wash my hands, get ready to start the meeting calmly. Smoothie or drink, realistic, maybe a couple of biscuits, then eat properly after the meeting.

@HeddaGarbled Well i was late myself, should have been back at 1.15 which would have given me 15mins..and it wasnt a meal, it was a patty 🤷🏻‍♀️. So maybe IABU.

What was his explanation?

Although if otherwise supportive and loving… why creat a fuss. You’ve eaten now 🤷‍♀️

although I have learned from mumsnet, if an OP starts a threads…. There’s invariably a back story

Was the patty defrosted before hand?

Unless done in a microwave, it would be difficult to defrosted and cook a patty in a half hour ish window, even if cook from frozen I can't imagine half hour would have been enough time.

Maybe take a banana with you next time to stave off the hangry x

Yabu.

Partner might not be a man.

Just thought I'd throw that in there. But OP, it sounds as though you're under quite a lot of stress at the moment and you really just want some TLC, so this isn't just about the food, is it?
You might need to be more explicit about just exactly what you need from your partner. See if that helps.

Sorry but your OH asked if you wanted food, and made it for you. We've ALL made mistakes with food, surely, when they need a little bit more time. It's just that on this occasion you didn't have the time to spare.

It's an unfortunate incident and tensions are obviously high because of your illness.

I'd give your OH a break, honestly. If you know you're going to have such a short amount of time, prep something earlier like a sandwich or something.

OP I agree it's shitty.

You're going through something horrific, and the least he could do would be to have your lunch ready as you asked, on this one occasion.

Was it a work meeting at 1.30? I feel like the main problem here is you only having 7 minutes for lunch after a morning of chemo before having to go to a meeting TBH. That sounds awfully hard even if the food was ready!

I’m actually shocked your not being pampered helped and having time off under the circumstance of chemo and side effects.
I’d fully expect food of my preference cooked properly and the day off. With a transfusion tomorrow make that several days off.

You're entitled to feel hungry, tired, unwell, pissed off with life because you are having to deal with cancer and chemo and all sorts of other things.

But it's unreasonable to expect someone to produce something hot to eat within a 7 minute window. Especially when you were late back. It's setting someone up to fail. If you really are going to need something to eat in a quick turnaround, something cold like a sandwich or something that can be prepped very quickly like tinned soup or beans on toast would be a better option.

In future, it would be better to not plan anything for at least an hour after you are expected to get home if you expect that you will need to eat and you want something that requires oven cooking.

Do your colleagues know you’re having chemo ?

Can I ask something? Why is it when an OP who has literally told you all the details - she was hangry after CHEMO and wanted her husband to make her the simpliest of foods, so many other people jump in to make excuses about why he maybe didn't do it? She is not being unreasonable in any possible way that you could try to twist it. Is it also a reflection on some peoples own relationships that they wouldn't expect basic kindness from their partner? I would do this for a neighbour I hardly knew let alone my partner. Have some bleeding empathy

The devil is in the detail
and no one has jumped
people have asked questions

@mrsm43s No I gave a 35mins head up, i said il be back at 1.15....i got back at 1.23 (i was late) but in any case it still wasnt ready. Its a 18min air fry job or a 30min oven job.... eventually got it at 1.43 mid way through meeting....i waited until 2pm.

If it was ready in time i could have eaten in a few mins....its same as a sausage roll etc

It just doesn’t seem that simple a food though.

a tuna sandwich plus tea to go into meeting with -fine. But not cooking something for that exact window.

Do your colleagues know you having chemo ?

is your partner usually very loving and supportive?

@mrsm43s Not the 2 i met today no, I dont usually work with them. Others do.

Supportive & Loving - Fairly yes, but tends to forget im going through a big challenge, because i look fairly well and still go to work.

Example being last week i got told off for not helping to train the dog after I got home and I had to say "remember i have just had chemo, im so tired"