Food Not ready

[Fatcrab]

At 12.40pm Told OH id be back from chemo at 1.15pm and they asked if I wanted food to which i said yes a patty & a smoothie.

For context I cook all lunches & dinners (better cook & i enjoy it) and I only really ask for a day off when Im super busy or ill etc.

Anyway I get in at 1.23 and have literally 7mins to shovel down the food before a 1.30pm meeting. Patty isnt cooked its frozen in the middle which I spat out. Im annoyed, Im tired, im hungry I just needed something to eat in the little gap. Im having to have a blood transfusion tomorrow due to all the chemo.....is it too much to ask for your partner to get it together when you are going through it...I dont think its good enough....given how how much I do, i serve food all the time and if i know theres a rush or small window i get it ready. 😭😡

We'e had a row. Ugh I should have just got a takeaway

As i don’t have an airfryer i might not have pulled this off I admit - 30 mins in a hot oven means preheating mine for 8-10 minutes, it runs hot and fast so by the skin of my teeth might just have been cooked … but i could have whipped you up a full meal in 20 mins if it was hob based (I’m quick) my suspicion and yours is they didn’t put the oven on straight away. Btw I like Jamaican patties, widely available in supermarkets in the midlands and London but not here where I live now, it’s strictly Cornish territory

It was one thing you asked for, they should have made sure it was done and done correctly, you weren't asking for much at all, YANBU it's always difficult to accept poor standards from people that are supposed to love and care for you, especially when you put so much into it from your side.

A patty is a battered cake with with potato and sage

I think you could have very reasonably messages to say…. “Running late from chemo and need to eat to avoid nausea, could we make 15 mins later please or start without me “

Or simply “running late from a doctors appointment”

So generally supportive and loving
interspersed with thoughtless instances

sit down and raise this op, because otherwise this may fester and the instances of thoughtlessness increase with rising levels of anger on your part

Yes I am moaning i underdtand that. I cook every night - i did last night and il do tonight....i just think when i ask for something which isnt often , can it be done right.

As i said was at chemo from 8.45 but it was late so made me late.

Om moan over. Thanks

youll cook tonight?

and always cook?

bloody hell op… I’m wondering how “fairly” supportive and loving your partner is!

and I really do think you could have dropped colleagues a line to explain a little late

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard even without additional stressors to accept being the one who gives all the time, but when you’re going through this I imagine it’s 10 times harder. I would personally step back from being the one who prepares all the meals. Let him step up and maybe he’ll get better.

Look, I’m not going to say yabu, because god knows how I would deal with things if I was going through the same as you.
but I do wonder (if things are otherwise great between you) that the molehill seems like a mountain because you’ve got an already overflowing plate.

have a chat later OP, try and clear the air and explain how you feel. Maybe next time it might be easier to have something more simple (sandwhich, salad, even a cold, already cooked pasty) when under time restraints so that you know it’s defo ready and waiting for you when you get back.

i hope the rest of your treatment goes well, and you can have a bit of a rest and relax soon.

Obviously, you haven't posted all the ins and outs of what you both do, but it does sound like you're not getting enough support from your DH and you should definitely sit down with him and have a conversation about it.

Why the hell are you going to work if you're having chemo?

OP - feel free to moan as much as you like.

Having chemo is tough. Having chemo prior to needing a blood transfusion and while still trying to do your job and keep up with your normal routine is bloody heroic.

It sounds like you are the type of person that when things get tough, you just knuckle down and plough on. It’s admirable and more power to you. It sounds like your partner is used to you being capable and in control; he doesn’t see you as fragile and he is probably not as aware of how much all this takes a toll on you. In many ways I suspect he doesn’t want to face up to you being unwell because the thought of something happening to you is to scary to contemplate. (However, I could be projecting my own experience!).

You deserve more support and that needs a sit down chat where you detail exactly what you need. Sometimes hints just don’t work.

I now take a packed lunch with me into hospital, I don’t plan anything client facing on treatment days as I can’t guarantee things will run to time. I do what I can to keep the pressure off me.

I hope your blood transfusion tomorrow goes well and you feel better afterwards. It always gives me an energy boost.

Messing up the cooking is different than not doing it. Sometimes people make mistakes when cooking, even with the best of intentions. Even if it’s just a pop it in the air fryer kind of meal, sometimes things don’t work out as planned.

I’ve been a cancer patient trying to balance the pressure of work as the primary breadwinner. The reality was that my partner was supporting me, but the pressure of being so sick I would
crawl to the toilet sometimes while trying to keep it together for work was incredible. No amount of support would have been enough. It was only when it was over that I could understand the stress we had both been under.

Was going to ask the exact same thing .

OP I know the last thing you need right now is a telling off but honestly you really should be signed off sick for the duration of your treatment, and not be returning until signed as fit for work again.

@PoppyFleur Thanks thats helpful

@CatsMagic Thanks, but that isnt what I need. Im able to work from home, work are super flexible.....What I need, is my partner to open the airfyer /oven door at said time, sit down and then remove item once ready. It shouldnt be this hard.🤣😩😩🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

I literally make sure if they have a tight turn around (have to dash back out etc) the food is ready for them....or i pack up a tuppaware for the train.

Anyways enough of me moaning🙏🏼

@Ponderingwindow Thanks good insite- ive been fairly lucky with the side effects, its only hitting me more now than before. 1 more round to go 🙏🏼🙏🏼

So glad I saw this reply! Honestly and why are ppl going on about 7 minutes 12.40 she said I’ll be home at 1.15 she was late by 8 minutes meaning he had 43 minutes to cook it properly! She is going through chemo, clearly still working and anyone saying she’s unreasonable to be upset is friggin bonkers! @Fatcrab You are not being unreasonable the vast majority of us would want a bit of tlc when ill and it’s very normal for a partner to care for their partner when they’re sick. Me and mine do it for each other

I think your partner should do more cooking generally- I think he’s mucked up the timings because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Or he needs to lean how to make some excellent sandwiches! This might also stop you feeling resentful.

I think you need to not be worried about being slightly late- just join late and tell them your WiFi went down if you need to.

Your partner is being an arse 😡 And well done you for ploughing through the chemo, sending you hugs x

@Fatcrab

You're undergoing chemo. You get quite a bit of leeway as far as I'm concerned.

When DH was doing chemo there were times when treatment was too much for him and he could be crabby and fatigued when he got home, food or no food.

Give yourself some grace. And explain to DH that it means so much to you to be able to eat right when you get home. Or change things so there is food waiting in the fridge, like a sandwich, although I remember DH having a 'taste' for certain things and nothing else would do.

FWIW, DH was lucky with side effects too, until the last few weeks. Also, the side effects 'peaked' about 2 weeks after the last treatment. The oncologist explained that the effects are cumulative and often continue for a bit after treatment then rapidly drop off.

I wish you the best. It's a rough road.

Yanbu op, the very least that he could do is
be useful when you are going through something this tough.

Thank you! This is it....Im now in the last cycle and its getting harder and i am crabby too....ive apologised for the big moan and outburst and explained how i feel....and its been acknowledged that i dont ask for much ❤️

How is DH doing? Hes right about taste...this bloody metallic taste in your mouth is ewww....some things taste gross.

For the type of medication I had, sour candy was like manna from heaven.

At the time it wasn’t as popular as it is now and only little kids ate. I thought the suggestion was crazy, but I was desperate and it was amazing.