No prospect of any time off over summer but I need it

[Nicmars]

I work on team of 5 people and the annual leave chart is already booked up for summer and there is no prospect of me being allowed to book any leave.
I jooined this team from another department 2 months ago, by which time colleagues on new team has already booked their summer leave.
Issue is that I need time off, even if just 1 week. Its for childcare, I'm not going away on holiday or anything. Just childcare. The general attitude at work is tough luck, not their problem.
So I'm left with no choice but to consider pulling a sickie. To make it believable it's need to start my sickness before school is out for the summer, rather than the same day or week. What kind of sickness can I have? Ideally to last a week maybe 2. Just till my sister can get here (she's travelling till 2nd week of August but has offered to come and help when back). Need a plausible sickness idea that doesn't sound too cliche or made up.

Because they're blaming OP (as are you) and women in general, for falling foul of the parent-unfriendliness of the traditional working setup, rather than this inflexible model. Do you also regard this child's father as a fool? If not, why not?

Mothers being regarded as solely accountable for children and childcare responsibilities is the actual sad fucking reality here. It's sad to see women perpetuating it.

That "men are more reliable" idea is nonsense. If men don't have childcare issues it's not because they're wonderful, well-organised and committed beings and parents; it's because they've dumped all parenting duties onto their wives/partners.
If you think that's fair or right then yes you are, at best, sexist.

@HerVagestyTheQueef(great username btw)

But no one has said that men are less responsible? It should be equally shared. Sad reality is, it isn’t.

It’s not sexist to point out that mothers, like the Op, who’s willing to pull a long sickie in a new role because she won’t use her common sense and arrange childcare, are creating the narrative that women are “less reliable” in the workplace. Because that’s exactly what she’s doing.

The issue is that because childcare has defaulted to the OP, as the woman, it creates that narrative though.

I just can’t believe people think it’s ’morally repugnant’ and that acceptable alternatives are resignation and reliance on benefits. That’s bonkers!

Then she's a bit stuck. Grandparents ought not to be relied on, esp if they are elderly by which I mean over 75. Moral seems to be that if you book time off then do not cancel it.

^This, unfortunately.

Although I'd be surprised if your colleagues/employer believed it. 🤷‍♀️

there was no holiday booked in the old team she cancelled it thinking that the GPs would look after them

It is unreasonable for your employer to move you and then say you cannot now take leave during the summer because it is all booked up in your dept.

But @Nicmars booked leave, then cancelled it. Nothing to do with moving teams.

And she's not planning to use a summer camp, or a childminder or see if there is a temporary nanny share, or she and the DC's father taking unpaid leave. Oh no, she's going to take sick leave. Ridiculous.

If I were one of her colleagues, and I knew she faked sickness for two weeks because neither she not the DC's father could be arsed to organise proper childcare, I'd be furious with her and her DC's father.

Hi there,
I would simply be honest and say that you will need a week off between these dates and email copying someone else in saying
"Hi [Boss's Name], I'm in a bit of a tight spot - I need to book a week off for childcare between [dates] and I know everyone's already got their leave planned. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience, but it's unavoidable. Would it be possible to discuss which week would work best for the team?"

Then you've explained its unavoidable

And they would be well within their rights to say "tough, not our problem".

And then OP is really stuck, because she wouldn't even be able to risk pulling a sickie.

Just be honest. Most employers are understanding and you have a right to parental leave.

But not at the time of your choosing

Why lie? Good chance you'll be found out/they won't believe you.
Just be honest that you will not be able to come in, so you need parental leave.

But employers can defer parental leave if the time you ask for doesn't suit the needs of the business. OP could end up with a random unpaid week off in November.

Again, employers can deny parental leave if it doesn't suit business needs. Of course OP is free to ask, but if she's told no and tries to go off sick anyway, she'll end up in a disciplinary.

It is doubtful they would do that as 1 that is highly unprofessional and i in 58 years have never had a boss say that and 2 it is in the employment rights act 1996 :By law, anyone legally classed as an employee can take time off to help a dependant with an emergency. The law is the Employment Rights Act 1996.A dependant is a close family member or someone who depends on you They would value her honesty

This isn't an emergency, though. OP has known about it for weeks.

Dependents' leave is for last-minute emergencies like illness, or nursery being closed due to a fire, or because your husband has been rushed to hospital. It doesn't exist to cover a weeks' worth of childcare that the employee knew needed covering over a month ago.

You might want to check the definition of “emergency”.

In general it’s a day or two max to deal with something unforeseen to enable you to make arrangements.

Of course childcare is an emergency. Plus
Employers should consider flexible work arrangements or emergency childcare services as potential solutions, rather than automatically penalizing the employee.

Once shes been upfront she stands a good chance with a good boss.

A lie in the new team would cause ill feeling and extra cover than cant be planned for.

Covering a known in advance childcare issue for up to two weeks isn't an emergency.

🤦🏻‍♀️

@WaterOfADucksBack you may want to look up the definition of emergency.

Employers can consider those things and say no to them.

No they can’t outright refuse if you’re eligible and follow the procedural requirements . Technically there is a possibility of postponing it but this is exceedingly rare and employers are reluctant to do so due to the risk of sex discrimination.

This is why many parents give up careers to earn shit money working in school. It's also why those who don't make sure they have reliable childcare. Elderly grandparents are not a reliable childcare option.