To leave nearly 18yo DS home alone while me and DH go away for the weekend?

[Klugmaki]

Bit of a dilemma and just want some outside views really. Me and DH have booked a weekend away next weekend (Fri–Mon), just us two, down in Devon. Nothing posh – just a little cottage, some pub meals, bit of peace and quiet. DS will be 18 in August, so I figured he’s old enough to stay home on his own.

He’s generally sensible, does his college work, not out every night or anything. But I’ve just found out from DD (she’s 14) that he’s told a couple of his mates they can “come round” while we’re away. Now I’m stressing it’s going to turn into a full-blown house party.

I trust him… sort of. But I also remember what me and my mates were like at that age. I don’t think he’d plan to wreck the place but if 10 lads turn up with a crate each then what?

DH reckons I’m overthinking and we should just go. “He’s nearly 18, let him be,” etc. But I keep picturing coming home to red wine on the carpet and vom in the hedge.

To make it worse, found an empty bottle of Malibu shoved under his bed when I was changing his sheets the other day. He said it was “leftover from New Year” but we didn’t even have Malibu at New Year.

Would you still go? Would you trust him or would you leave a neighbour or auntie to “pop by”? Or just cancel and go another time?

AIBU to be getting twitchy or do I need to just let go a bit?

Just go, honestly go and have fun. My parents would’ve left me alone at that age and I’d have friends over and we just ate chips and watched films!! What you’re imagining will be so much worse than reality OP.

Why are you changing his sheets? He's an adult in a matter of weeks.

I mean this kindly but ....Transition him to adulthood already. He should be pretty much self sufficient. You're not doing him, yourself or any future partners, flat mates, house shares any favours by babying him.

OK, I’ll take this slowly for you… so why would she not want her son to have his friends round?

I take it you don’t trust your children.

He’s 18. Trust him to behave responsibly and respectfully.

My parents went on holiday for 3 weeks when I was his age. I stayed home, looked after the pets and revised for my A Levels. It was great. No parties were had.

I did have the odd friend over but nothing dramatic, it was a takeaway pizza and a couple of glasses of wine.

Most teens fully appreciate the fun of going to a house party whilst knowing they absolutely would not want to be the one having to clear it up.

Yes but give him the talk of doom - a couple of mates tops, and if there is any damage or complaints or drama of any sort you will loose Xwhateverhecaresaboutx

I wouldn’t worry about a bottle of Malibu under the bed, it’s pretty normal

No way would I go. I couldn’t care less about anything happening to the house, that can always be sorted, but I would be worried about him.

I would set rules, have a word with neighbours and make sure that the Ring Bell/ cameras fully charged.
I would also add a rule that problems with Ring bell/ cameras are equal ‘something dodgy going on’ automatically.

@RoseAlone He’ll legally be an adult next month. Why wouldn’t he be able to manage and keep himself safe?

I went to Dublin for a long weekend and left 17 year old DD on her own. She loved it!

Of course he can be left! Is he not going to uni in September?

Clear limits, boundaries and expectations- and remind him you can see the Ring doorbell. Then go and enjoy your weekend!

He’s 18 not 8.

@SemperIdem Exactly. He’ll be an adult literally next month- 😂

I know right! It’s painful reading some comments. I honestly think that the infantilisation of young people is hugely detrimental to their self confidence and general life skills. Why would they think they can do anything on their own if they’ve never been trusted to at least try? It seems to be really common the UK, less so in mainland Europe.

I really try to give my daughter (10) as much freedom and independence as is reasonable. I’m mid 30’s and can see the benefits that playing out with my friends gave me, in the moment problem solving, dealing with conflict, making decisions for myself that went against others and so on.

We can’t just baby our children until they’re 18 and then unleash into the world without having learned any real life skills, it’s unfair.

We've done it a few times now! I know ds mates, they're a decent crowd. They actually say hello to me on the ring doorbell as they arrive and leave! Never been any damage , but he has them all round, and he's pretty good at cleaning up!
Relax, go, enjoy your weekend!
Ps I did text him "why is there a naked boy leaving my house!?" But apparently it was "just (name) " They know we are watching!

For those of us older folk times were different when we were 17/18. Yes we could have booze filled parties when parents were away, but we didn’t have the curse that is social media, that can ramp up a party from 10-20 people to many people, mostly unknown and rent a mob mentality

What? Why? If your almost-18-year-old cannot be left safely at home for a weekend or indeed a week or more (Serious SEN aside obvs), you have done something wrong.

@crumblingschools It’s.not inevitable though. My two (20 and 16) absolutely know that they can’t invite more than a couple of mates round. If random people show up, they have to be told to leave…and our neighbors will back them up if necessary.

We know most of our neighbors well though, we tell them if we’re going away and they’d def. snitch to us and intervene if a big party was underway. 😂

I rem my parent going away. Yep had friends round including men /boys

I don’t drink whiskey due to that weekend and that was now like 35yrs ago

I would chat to him and say no parties but can have few friends round for pizza

Malibu an unusual drink for a teen

CRAZY! He can legally drive a car and have a child…but you don’t know if you can leave him alone for a couple of nights.

What kind of children are we raising now that we don’t want them to experience having a few friends over and getting pizzas and maybe a couple of beers at the age of 17 🫣 would you rather him be sneaking around and hiding bottles under his bed, or be safe at home

We say no more than 6 friends, no noisy music after 11.30 and he changes the spare bed if anyone sleeps in it. We do always give him £10 a day when we return if cat is happy and house is tidy and it’s always worked really well. It’s in your interest to be able to go away so you need to relax and try it

@SpottyAardvark I don’t think you’ve understood the OP. She’s not worried about his ability to look after himself. She’s worried there’ll be a party and the house will get trashed.

@SemperIdem it’s always funny when parents of young kids think they know everything about having teenagers. Trust me, letting your 10 year old “play out”, all sweet and wholesome, being in bed by 8 with a bedtime story….is VERY different to wondering how wasted your teenager will get , how many friends will turn up, if they’ll smoke weed, vomit, break things, have sex in your bed etc. OP isn’t worried that her son won’t survive without mummy and daddy. She’s worried a small get together will turn into a big party and get out of control. Perfectly natural worry I think. As you will find in a few years time.

Why? Would you r teen really be that incapable? To spend a couple of days at home alone? Sone kids start uni at 17 in Scotland don't they. And there will be current 17 year olds starting uni this Sept even in England if they've not had 18 th birthday yet.

Id feel ashamed if id brought up my kids to be totally incapable of looking after themselves for a couple of days at that age. Parenting is meant to bringing up kids to be independent adults, not treating them like 5 year olds when they are nearly 18

😁