To leave nearly 18yo DS home alone while me and DH go away for the weekend?

[Klugmaki]

Bit of a dilemma and just want some outside views really. Me and DH have booked a weekend away next weekend (Fri–Mon), just us two, down in Devon. Nothing posh – just a little cottage, some pub meals, bit of peace and quiet. DS will be 18 in August, so I figured he’s old enough to stay home on his own.

He’s generally sensible, does his college work, not out every night or anything. But I’ve just found out from DD (she’s 14) that he’s told a couple of his mates they can “come round” while we’re away. Now I’m stressing it’s going to turn into a full-blown house party.

I trust him… sort of. But I also remember what me and my mates were like at that age. I don’t think he’d plan to wreck the place but if 10 lads turn up with a crate each then what?

DH reckons I’m overthinking and we should just go. “He’s nearly 18, let him be,” etc. But I keep picturing coming home to red wine on the carpet and vom in the hedge.

To make it worse, found an empty bottle of Malibu shoved under his bed when I was changing his sheets the other day. He said it was “leftover from New Year” but we didn’t even have Malibu at New Year.

Would you still go? Would you trust him or would you leave a neighbour or auntie to “pop by”? Or just cancel and go another time?

AIBU to be getting twitchy or do I need to just let go a bit?

@Klugmaki Stay home, Op. maybe think about it again when he’s 25 or so.

You can lay down all the rules you like but if the friend of a friend invites 300 people to your house there will be nothing your son can do except pray that the police turn up before the house is trashed. I wouldnt want my 14 year old daughter anywhere near drunk teenage boys whether there were 2 or 22 in the house

Let go!

You say yourself that you remember when you were his age - so don't be a hypocrite! But make sure he's aware of consequences - damage to be paid for, cleaned up etc etc.

You could say to him that he is absolutely NOT to have friends round while you're away, unless he asks you first & tells you who they are. It's your house, so you can ask this and expect him to be open with you.

Add a bit of emotional blackmail to it. “I’m trusting you to look after the house while we’re away. We will be very disappointed, and there will be consequences, if the house isn’t looked after in the way we have said.” Always worth a go.😇

Why would you tell him this?

Good points @independentfriend

Also, just to add, wiping his arse…might be worth running through that with him too? @Klugmaki

@MasterBeth

because she doesn’t want him to. Obviously.

We went away for a week last year leaving my 19yo daughter and 17yo son home. Came home to a slightly messy house but they were fine. They were both working so couldn’t come with us.

You should go on your trip at 17 he's old enough to take responsibility and understand respecting your house and rules. If he parties then he pays for damages!

Firstly, you don’t have to explain to us where you’re going and trust it’s ’nothing Posh’. Go to the Ritz if you want to!
Secondly, why would you deny yourselves a break?

17 yo dd has been alone for the night. Going away for a weekend in September and leaving her. She had some friends round. It was fine.

He's nearly 18. You should probably have already done this by now, but as you haven't, do it, it is good for him to learn some independence

About 50 years ago when I was 17, I stayed home while my parents went to Spain for 2 weeks. Yes, I had my small group of friends round (about 8 of us) as it was much cheaper than drinking at the pub. No damage, no parties, no problem.

Remind him of the rules:

Don’t add to the population
Don’t subtract from the population
Stay out of the newspapers, hospital and jail.

Ha ha! I remember my parents going away when I was this age. I had the best house party and my parents knew I had had a party because the house was SPOTLESS when they got back 🙃

It's quite a big responsibility on him to control his mates. If this is the first time then boundaries could be pushed. How are friends getting there? Driving? As I wouldn't want to ask 17 year olds to be coming round (for a few beers) then leaving. I wouldn't even leave booze within reach.

If you were there I.e. back later the same evening it would be a different scenario.

When I was 17/18, when friends parents including mine were having a weekend away, it was invite everyone you know, get trashed, then there's a big clear up.

OP honestly I would go.

He is your son and you should trust him. Make sure he is clear on any rules. If anything is damaged or broken he will have to pay (in whatever way you deem fit).

I am always reading on MN about people leaving their teens and massive parties getting out of hand (I bet some ppl have posted this on here) but really we should give our teens more credit than that.

If he is almost 18 he can leave and get married and work and go to uni, join the army, learn to drive, get a tattoo...two nights without his parents should be fine. Trust him to behave as the adult he pretty much is.

FWIW we went on a week's holiday without DS2 when he was 17.5. He could have come but didn't want to. I called him every day and he had some friends round one night to watch the match. The worst thing that happened was when he tried a recipe for a veg curry and it went wrong so he had to bin it. When we came home the house was very clean and tidy. All good.

Possibly the best advice 😂

There's no point either of you pretending he won't have people round, so you'll get more out of engaging with him and agreeing fair ground rules/consequences together. Assuming you feel he's mature enough.

When I was that age my parents were away a lot and took the approach of "We'll treat you like an adult until you act like a child." That meant I was largely left to my own devices as far as who came over and what we did, but there would be adult consequences if I took the piss.

Any of their booze that was touched had to be replaced (they had the sense to remove the good stuff). Nobody in their bedroom or my dad's office. Nobody to drive their cars. Stains, breakages etc had to be paid for. House to look identical upon their return. No noise complaints.

I think it depends on the person. I could’ve been left home alone at that age as I would’ve been happy to watch tv, play video games and read. My sister would’ve had male and female friends over doing who knows what, she wasn’t very trustworthy and didn’t mature until she hit about 40 😂

When I was that age I had my own place. Plenty of people round but it was never trashed.

It really depends on him. I remember my parents going away when I had just turned 18, it was me and my 16 year old sister. We had a couple of friends round, got a takeaway, had a few drinks, watched some films and then we all slept on the living room floor despite my sister and I having perfectly good beds, My parents knew my friends and we were all the responsible type though.

I also remember friends' parents going away and lots of drunk teenagers in the house. To be fair nothing got damaged and the most we got was a neighbour asking us to keep the noise down, which we duly did.

We were not rebels.

This the word gets around and before your DS knows 30/40 people or more come round, l would not chance it.

Talk to him. Make it clear who he is allowed to invite. And discuss a plan for what he should do if anyone shows up uninvited.

Like that’s going to make any difference. 😂