To leave nearly 18yo DS home alone while me and DH go away for the weekend?

[Klugmaki]

Bit of a dilemma and just want some outside views really. Me and DH have booked a weekend away next weekend (Fri–Mon), just us two, down in Devon. Nothing posh – just a little cottage, some pub meals, bit of peace and quiet. DS will be 18 in August, so I figured he’s old enough to stay home on his own.

He’s generally sensible, does his college work, not out every night or anything. But I’ve just found out from DD (she’s 14) that he’s told a couple of his mates they can “come round” while we’re away. Now I’m stressing it’s going to turn into a full-blown house party.

I trust him… sort of. But I also remember what me and my mates were like at that age. I don’t think he’d plan to wreck the place but if 10 lads turn up with a crate each then what?

DH reckons I’m overthinking and we should just go. “He’s nearly 18, let him be,” etc. But I keep picturing coming home to red wine on the carpet and vom in the hedge.

To make it worse, found an empty bottle of Malibu shoved under his bed when I was changing his sheets the other day. He said it was “leftover from New Year” but we didn’t even have Malibu at New Year.

Would you still go? Would you trust him or would you leave a neighbour or auntie to “pop by”? Or just cancel and go another time?

AIBU to be getting twitchy or do I need to just let go a bit?

Make sure he's got a French polisher's number to hand.

My next door neighbour text me the other week to let me know we might hear some noise as there was an 18th birthday party going on at their house. I have heard more noise from a toddler's tea party than I did from the 18th going on next door. I wouldn't cancel my weekend, I left both of mine at that age and neither took the piss. Set down the ground rules and enjoy your weekend!

Malibu never went away! My dd aged 21 drinks it!

We left our eldest at that age - he did have a couple of parties while we were away but nothing that got out of hand and he did a fairly good job of clearing up before we got back! I wouldn't worry, lay out your groud rules and remind him that the neighbours will be keeping an eye out! I'm sure he'll be fine. Relax and enjoy your break 💐

Oh dear Lord, unclench and enjoy!

Remember Alexa/Google/etc are your friend/tool/spy.

Everything will be fine 👀😳

I'd still go x

Wasn't at 18, but at 21 DD had a party and DH & I were sent away for w/end.
I think there were about 20, max 30 at the party - more a w/end stopover.
On return we found, as another pp on here found, the house was cleaner than we'd left it. DD said that a couple of the guests (female, European - forget from where), were adamant that the place should be properly cleaned and tidied & dragooned everyone else to clean away their traces.
Only thing we found was an empty vodka bottle under our bed! 😂
The sheets were fresh, though. They'd obviously replaced them.😄

Oh wow this is bringing back memories of being a teenager and the sheer level of excitement when one of us had a ‘free house’ because the parents were away for the evening or weekend.. my goodness the things we would get up to, makes my hair stand on end now..

Just tell him you've asked the neighbours to keep an eye on things, and let you know if any problems, that should make him behave😃

I grew up in the 1980s in a small working class town in the midlands. The vast majority of my classmates left school at 16 and started working in factories, shops &v offices. They were considered to be young adults, earning their own money & paying taxes. I was travelling around the country on my own, going to gigs with my mates and going on holiday with my friend when I was 16.

Now, teenagers have become so infantilised that we wonder if a young person who is almost 18, and therefore very nearly an actual adult, can be left to fend for himself at home for two days. It’s bonkers. The world has gone completely mad.

Oh dear. This reminds me of when I went away and left DS17 in the house for two nights.

He agreed to no parties.

I came back to a recycling bin that could compete with a pubs, and condom wrappers in DDs bedroom bin.

He hadn’t had a party.

It was “a Gathering”.

You have been warned.

My experience was that the place was cleaner than I left it when I got back. I didn’t bother setting out draconian rules that I knew would be disregarded.

We have left our DS (almost 18 now) since he turned 16. We now also leave our 16 year old DD. We have a ring doorbell at the front and ring cam at the back. Both know their life will not be worth living if they hold a party. DS could have his GF to stay now but they know we check who is coming and going.

I know...

I was married with a baby at 19.
So strange nowadays...

OP

Why are you changing the bedding of a young adult?

I don't know about your Ring doorbell but we have a similar one and you can talk through it so we could interrogate any visitors.
We also have a camera at the back (in case of theft) and two inside (DS has epilepsy) so no shenanigans at our house!

Go for realistic rules eg. no red wine in rooms with pale carpets. I imagine they don't drink red wine by preference but worth being clear about the potential staining so they don't pick it when tipsy.

Think about removing temptation - put the alcohol they really can't drink somewhere non obvious to visitors.

Consider supplying stuff that slows the drinking speed ie. mixers for spirits, nice soft drinks to alternate with alcohol, nibbles - crisps, dips, bread sticks etc. Encourage your son to order pizza / other food for him and his friends - so there's food to slow the alcohol absorbtion.

Friends staying overnight is better than anybody drink driving.

Does he know how to clean vomit? And that it's important to do this ASAP? Worth discussing and making sure there's kitchen roll / disinfectant etc

Does he know that weeing standing up while drunk runs the risk of getting wee in places other than the toilet?

Disturbing the neighbours with too much noise causes you and your son a problem - you have to live there.

Is there a friend who could come and help your son if something goes wrong that's not on a scale needing an ambulance?

Ha ha 😝 yes it’s always a “gathering” NEVER a party 🫣🤨😩

Have a serious chat and leave him to it. Tell him that you’ve spoken to the neighbours and they will text you if any suspicion of anything going on beyond a couple of mates

It’s not really about fending for themselves. Both my DS (almost 17) and my DD (almost 14) can fend for themselves- they can cook, use the washing machine, Hoover, lock the door at night etc etc. It’s more the fact that my DS in particular knows so many people and they’re all like magnets to a parent free house! It would definitely get out of hand without him really meaning or wanting it to.

WTF

You're talking about an almost adult!
What the hell is going on nowadays?
This is quite disturbing, didn't realise things had gotten this bad.

It's ridiculous!
Words fail me , thank god...

I'd be more concerned that a young adult can't change his own sheets.

No booze for DD....she's 14....surely that was a given...

I agree with this

You can bollock him when you get back, he’ll only ever do it the once.