Are you a snooper?

[SnooperLoopy]

I've name changed for this to preserve my reputation as a GLM (Good Little Mumsnetter) but I have to say I find it so weird how opposed some people are to snooping on your partner's phone.
I would happily:

• snoop your phone
• go through your bathroom cabinet
• read your diary

and feel no shame in doing so. I wouldn't even justify it with concerns about infidelity etc - I'm just nosey. But I would draw the line at sharing what I found with others or ever mentioning any of it to the snoopee (even if I discovered they had betrayed me I wouldn't let on how i had found out). I don't know why I feel this way but i genuinely don't understand the outrage admissions of snooping generate. I bet there are others like me, so fess up!

No, I've never needed to be. If a man is playing away, it's fairly obvious.

Last one, He came to show off his new car on a Saturday morning. There were wedge heel shoe prints in the passenger side foot well - very fluffy carpet. I asked for the name of the salesperson he's bought it from. He said "Steve".
When I asked who was wearing wedge shoes then, he went bright red and told me I was imagining it. 🙄

The man before that bought 5 new shirts, some new aftershave and worked late a couple of evenings.

Why would I need to check their phones? 😁

I don't know how you would snoop on my phone as it is biometric and password protected, not that I have anything at all to hide.
You are more than welcome to go through my bathroom cabinet, nothing to hide there.
I do not keep a diary.

I've had a partner who would read through my phone, my emails, mail, Reddit account, YouTube comments, everything. It was part of a wider abusive picture. It was awful. Horrid. I felt constantly paranoid.

Following that I did the same thing to my next partner. I suppose I inherited it and became addicted, though like to think I wasn't abusive in other ways.

Now I won't. I know DH's password but I've never used it and refused to. It's a disrespectful, invasive thing to do IMO and noone should be doing it. Everyone is entitled to at least a little privacy, and if I caught my husband doing it I'd be very unhappy and change my password/leave depending on the extent.

Yes, I’m a snooper - although I don’t open cabinets, I would look through your phone photos and WhatsApp messages. Like you, I am so curious about people, but wouldn’t pass it on nor tell snoopee

Can’t say I’ve never snooped, but I’m not proud of it.

I genuinely don't understand the outrage admissions of snooping generate

I think that’s because it’s seen as unattractive trait and to me anyway implies the snooper is insecure somehow. Also disrespectful. I don’t mean bathroom cabinets and things but a diary or a phone is a bit much. It implies the person is up to no good. I know you say you aren’t but you must be the absolute minority.

Think about it, would you ask for permission to look through someone’s diary or phone to their face? No you wouldn’t so you know they don’t want you to do it yet you still would? Saying you do it because you’re nosey won’t hold with most adults either. To get your curiosity satisfied you’re taking something away (privacy) from that person. Selfish! Stop it. It’s wrong! 😅

and I honestly don't care if someone reads something personal of mine

Maybe i am too boring to have anything to hide, so i don't feel threatened by the idea of it.

but also

name changed to preserve my reputation

love that the op completely missed the irony of this 😆

Nope. Insecure and controlling comes to mind. You obviously have your reasons for doing it. Doesn’t sound good.

My snooping was fuelled by jealousy and anxiety bordering on paranoia.
I was doing something that I knew was wrong (my Mother used to snoop through my stuff and it made me furious) and I let my own insecurities fuel acting in a way that had zero regard for others' boundaries and privacy.
I made a conscious decision to stop.

No I’m not. I do house sitting for people and I never snoop (obviously have to look for things in the kitchen etc but wouldn’t go into their bedrooms or go through cupboards)

Snooping is an absolutely hideous betrayal. I'm not on your team not at all.

I’ll look in a bathroom cabinet if I need some toilet roll but not to have a rummage through someone’s make up bag.

No. I can't be arsed dealing with my own messages, never mind someone else's. I'm also a big believer in not needing to know every iota of detail about my partner. We're our own people and don't need to share every thought that passes through our heads.

When I was about 13 I read a couple of pages of a friend's diary. She had given it to me to read a particular entry, then nipped to the bathroom. I read the description, then opened it randomly elsewhere. I can't remember whether I was being nosy or just leafing through, but there was a comment about something I had made for her and how she didn't like it, not to her taste at all. I put it down and when she came back was reading one of her (fiction) books. She never knew I saw the entry and I've never been tempted to read someone's diary since. We are still friends!

I might open a bathroom cabinet but it would be in the same absent minded way I open my own or my kitchen cupboards. I wouldn't think 'oh good, I wonder what X has in here'.

My mum found (she must have been snooping to find it) and read my diary when I was 15. Which was awful in itself, but then she did nothing with the information that she read (that I’d been sexually assaulted by one of our customers from the pub they ran and that I’d tried to kill myself twice - she simply asked if I wanted them to ban the customer… but in such a way that made it clear they didn’t want to ban him). I might have been able to forgive it if she’d used that information to help me at all, but it was clear it was just being nosey. I’ve never forgiven her for it. I still see her, but we aren’t close and I’ll never trust her.

if I found a friend or relative did that to me now I’d be devastated. They certainly wouldn’t be a friend anymore (exception possibly being if they had a genuinely good reason abc it was to help me in some way).

I think in a relationship with a partner it can be different. Never a diary. But if you have reason to suspect cheating, and you need evidence you can’t get any other way, then I think it’s ok. But if you find nothing you should apologise.

NC because I’m a GLM too ☺️ I wouldnt snoop someone’s phone. I might check out your medicine cabinet and definitely hav a good nose of Everything stuck to your fridge. I might twitch my curtains if someone outside was shouting or making lots of noise. I sometimes check out people LinkedIns. I don’t do Facebook but if I did I’d probably check out all the school bullies hoping they’ve made nothing of their lives and are in boring jobs because that’s more than they deserve. I have checked LinkedIn for that. If people have the Internet they must be amazing saints not to snoop on people on Social media. I am still a GLM

I’m right there with you.
I don’t snoop on my partners phone because I don’t feel like he gives me a reason to and tbh I’m lazy/CBA. But if I was suspicious of his behaviour I absolutely would. If there’s nothing to find then no harm done and he’d never know.
I think people who claim they never would are big fat liars (waiting the crowd of people who’ll mob this post insisting they would never snoop and I already dont believe them 😂).

My brother was a snooper and ruined lots of Christmases for me by telling me all the presents our parents had hid before the big day. Years later my sister snooped and found some old solicitors paperwork relating to my parentage (possibly outing but hey!) and was utterly awful about it a few years back. I am definitely not a snooper but I do kind of understand the temptation sometimes.

Exactly. The OP is not just a snooper, she doesn't want people to think negatively of her under her usual username.
And I wouldn't do any of those things and I have no respect for anyone who does.

This.

I would only do this if I suspected you of infidelity or a crime.

The irony went whoosh over her head though!

It’s not that I’m too nice or moral to, it’s just not interested enough to bother

YABU.

No, I wouldn't go through someone's phone, diary, letters, or cupboards.
How completely disrespectful.

I'm not even clear why you would want to.

I do my best to treat people as would want them to treat me, which is about respecting my privacy even though I don't think there is anything interesting to see.

Actually; I don’t: I believe people are entitled to a degree of privacy, and it’s really disrespectful to breach that, unless there is a really good reason

Although, I suspect that a friend is desperate to snoop on my phone as she’s always trying to get onto it to “look at” something. And there has been times I’ve caught her looking at stuff on my fridge and calendar. I suspect try and find out if a reason I couldn’t do something was genuine