To refuse to give ds money?

[Cakecoffeetv]

Ds is 17, at sixth form.

For context he has a part time job. He doesn’t get many hours and it’s not local so we have to drive him there. I don’t mind doing so, to help, but he has made no attempt to find a job closer or more hours. He has also done some odd jobs for friends and family and earned good money from that.

We pay for his phone, his bus fare/lunch to college, his driving lessons and his football subs. Plus obviously clothes etc when he needs.

Every month he gets paid he spends all his money within the first 2 weeks. Usually on sweets, crisps, snacks, takeaways, Costa, Nandos, catching Ubers everywhere.

Sometimes we will have cooked a perfectly good tea and he has his friends round and orders takeaway and leaves his dinner uneaten.

When he runs out of money he comes asking me for money to go out or for more takeaways round at friends.

I’ve told him repeatedly that he needs to budget. He usually has enough to last a month if he’s sensible. Plus I don’t like the way he’s eating so much rubbish.

Ive told him from now on if he doesn’t budget his money I won’t be giving him any.

Yes that’s normal as far as I’m concerned.

I have a DS17, and I give him £50 a month out of which he pays for his gym membership £20 plus bus fares there and any socialising with mates. I pay for his phone and buy his essential clothes- but he is not remotely interested in clothes so he’s not greedy.

He walks to school and takes a packed lunch which he eats. He eats dinner with us. He saves his Tesco money. We did broadly the same with his older brother but have increased the allowance due to inflation over 8 years. DS1 handles money well now he’s an adult and DS2 seems to be doing fine as well. If he ditched his home cooked meals and expected me to sub him takeaways he would find the £50 stopping very quickly.

I moved out at 16 and honestly it did me the world of good, I actually learned the value and cost of things!

Yanbu at all, in fact you're being a good parent by showing him how to budget. In a year he'll be an adult and have to be out in the big wide world. We can't spoon feed our kids to the point they won't be able to function properly as adults.

You're providing him with food, shelter, love and driving him everywhere. What more can you do?!

You are not doing him any favours by overindulging him. You are denying him the opportunity to learn from experience.

I'm sure he will be annoyed when and if you don't lend/give him money to fritter away and he will have a tricky couple of weeks when he can't afford to join in with his mates but it's better he learns that lesson now rather than later in life when he has financial responsibilities like rent and utilities.

And if he's wasting the food you prepare, stop cooking it! Make sure there are basics like baked beans and bread in and let him fend for himself when his money runs out. Or freeze a portion for him to eat at the end of the month when he's getting hungry.

I think some of these answers you’re getting a bit extreme & some of the answers you’re getting about the leftovers are just odd.
you’re response doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
A natural consequence of him spending all his pay in 2 weeks, is not having any disposable income until his next payday. I’d just leave him to get on with that & wouldn’t top him up.
Personally, I won’t give him a monthly allowance for the buses or the lunches. Unfortunately he’s demonstrated he’s not good with budgeting, this would just invite him to spend the allowance. He needs to go to college & he needs to eat so you’d be forced to top him up. He already has his wages to practice budgeting on.
Unfortunately, some people just aren’t great at budgeting. Hopefully with some practice he’ll improve.

Oh, i also meant to say i think it would be perfectly reasonable if you asked him for a little petrol money for driving him to work. Maybe just a token amount, I’d get that money at the start of the month before he’s spent all the wages.