Going back to ex husband mainly for son to feel happy again

[GuiltRidden9]

I broke up with my husband in January and my son ( aged 13 ) just can’t accept it

The guilt is destroying our relationship as he holds me fully responsible as it was my choice to leave and his dad moved back to his parents so son could stay close to school etc

Hos dad is a good dad and good provider but lacks emotion, we had no connection between us which then filtered into me feeling like an emotional wreck a lot of the time and his looking at me like I was crazy.

It affected our sex life as it all felt very disconnected.

He is begging to come home - he is struggling being away from us to an extent that I am very worried about him but more so our son of course.

Im so worried about trying again and it going wrong and my son hating me even more that it’s stopping me doing it but then every day I’m faced with the guilt that I’ve ripped his family apart.

Emotional blackmail? Maybe he just wants his dad back, it's not unreasonable to want parents.

I know a lad who constantly tells his dad he wants him to go back to his mum. It's not some cynical mind game, it's really what he wants.

I also know adults who wish their parents hadn't split up years after it happened.

By all means stay split up, but don't criticise the lad for not wanting it to not have happened.

This particular thread from OP doesn't give you the full picture of the bombardment and manipulation she is under, from the pair of them, father and son.

Well that might make a difference, of course.

Please don't go back.

You should only go back if you truly and deeply love your ex, and have worked out ways to improve your relationship. You do not go back to please a 13 year old.

As others have said - tell ex it's over full stop and stop with the whining and stop contacting me. .
tell DS - it's over, and your dad and I aren't ever getting back together. We can't live with each other.

I haven't read your previous posts, but even so, I don't believe that its right to go back to an unhappy marriage because your child isn't happy. Your son needs to learn that adult relationships can break down whilst parents continue to love and care for their children. He also needs to see thats its not healthy to want or expect women to put their feelings aside to center men.

Dont do it.

You will feel trapped and if you do eventually split up again, that will be 100% harder on your son as he wouldn't be able to accept it was final and expect you to change your mind

Sort out proper, formal access for you and your ex with your son, with a structure so your son knows what is happening

Get counselling for yourself and your son

Thank you and I’m really sorry to keep posting
My brain is a mess

Thank you and I’m really sorry to keep posting
My brain is a mess

No need to apologise and there are no limits on the number of times you can post about the same issue. Some posters have unrealistic expectations of OPs. At least you can see we are being consistent across your posts - don't move back in!

Becuase if your son has asd, then he gets comfort from routine. He wants everything to return to how it was.

The way you express this today sounds as if you are still very fond and respectful of your ex so there may be hope for the marriage. Unless this is the whole story though, stay away from him.

I do feel like I genuinely love my ex husband but am not in love with him

He is stable and consistent and would never ever leave me - he is a good provider and it was emotionally I felt very let down throughout our marriage which was mainly because I’m quite emotional as a person and he is definitely not

I guess I’m finding it very hard to draw a line under “ a good man “ when my son is so upset about it all

Are you the poster who broke up with a partner then got with someone else who you loved and then got pregnant? If yes as other threads have said get counselling and prioritise your own happiness. You’ve been in turmoil about this for months.

Boys that age really want their dad.
I guess he can choose who he lives with?

I mean this kindly Op but you were unhappy with your DH, he says he loves you now but he never showed it and you felt ignored and unloved. If your DS wasn't unhappy you wouldn't consider taking him back, you know your DH will go back to how he was and you'll be unhappy again

OP can you answer this question as I agree with PP, this sounds VERY familiar.

You need to say very clearly to your son and your ex that going back is not happening. You will be showing your son that relationships can be coerced if you do. Don’t do it.

I would not be letting a 13 year old dictate my life. You’re the parent, parent your child.

Son says I’ve ruined his life and he will never be happy again
That seeing his dad walk out of the family home has broken his heart and the only way to fix it is being back as a family

I agree with this. I do think as parents (barring abuse or cheating) that we as parents owe our children a stable home life with mum and dad (if that's achievable)

It’s not “ that bad “ but we don’t laugh together, there’s no affection and we have very different personalities and sex is difficult

maybe this isn’t enough then

Don’t do it. Just don’t. You’d be sacrificing yourself.

I asked about neurodivergence because of various things, including your husband’s emotional unavailability and your son’s very extreme reaction to this.

What about your daughter in this?
Your son is controlling and manipulating you.
Going back will not work and will only delay and confuse them further.
Stick to your plan.

Your husband is controlling you.

And now your son is doing the same…

I’ve made this all worse by going back on and off trying to do the right thing

I’ve lost sight of what to do anymore