These are words of such wisdom. When I lost my DH - it was an enormous shock because we had no idea he had cancer until he collapsed and it was only a few days later that he passed away. He was on a ventilator and only semi conscious so we never really had the opportunity to say the things that should have been said - I talked to him and I can only hope he heard and understood.
It does alter your perspective on life very profoundly but I found I had to struggle not to be bitter because he was taken at a relatively young age. You also go through a stage of guilt looking for things to blame yourself for - signs of illness you may have missed, harsh words you may have said. But it passes and as you very rightly say, you find reserves of strength that you would never have dreamed possible. You also find out who your real friends are - the fair weather ones quietly disappear - the true ones stick by you through the dark days and support you as you start to emerge into the light and navigate a new life. And it is a new life, because you don’t just lose your partner, you lose your way of life and your routine. It takes time for the body and mind to adjust and the process can’t be rushed.
My whole world turned grey. Now, some years later, the sun has come out again and I’m in another relationship - which has had its challenges because after forty years with one person it takes time and effort to adjust.
Grief is a steep learning curve and it’s definitely a circle that you travel - some days you move forward and some you take a step back. It’s not the same experience for everyone, but the one thing I can say is that I think about my late DH most days and sometimes still I can be brought to tears by a memory that will flash unbidden through my mind - a piece of music, a smell, you never know what will trigger it. I think you always feel the loss, and it does change you.
I was lucky to find the real thing once, and fortunate to find happiness again a second time with a very understanding man who doesn’t want to wipe out my past, but embraces is as part of me, as I hope I do him. And as time has gone on I’ve realised how much I learned from my DH and how he shaped my life. His wisdom still guides me and it’s at those times I realise that when you keep someone in your heart they’re never truly gone - they’re always a part of you. I sincerely hope that one day OP can find the acceptance that brings this realisation, and with it a measure of peace.