To ask for help - forum for support. DH just died, DS is 8.

[imnotgoingtobeok]

I’m broken. I need a space I can post online with mums who’ve also got young kids who had amazing dads. I just need a space to connect with others who understand it and hopefully those who’ve been through it and can reassure me. It was completely unexpected. Happened today. (And hi to anyone in real life who knows me and will recognise this x you can just ignore this) xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re likely to be in shock at this point so take care of yourself. Don’t try to sort everything out tomorrow.

Do you have any family or close friends who can support you? Contact your DS’s school in the morning, they will be able to offer some support and may also be able to advise you or refer you to other support available.

Winston’s Wish are a wonderful charity that support bereaved children. My thoughts are with you.

My brother died very suddenly 3 years ago when my nephew was 8. He’ll be 12 next week and he’s a superstar. He’s channelled his energy into football (a shared love that connects him to his dad) and made great friends competing. I recommend Winston’s Wish for child bereavement support for both you and him. They gave me some great advice about how to talk about death with the children.

So sorry for your loss.

Once the funeral and that is over, look for grief support groups for kids to start. Let their school know too.

Winston wish - check them out - helps grieving kids.

so sorry about your dh

Child Bereavement uk will be able to support you and your son. Lots of helpful videos to explain death & funerals to children. There’s a helpline for you as well. Please do call them. They can support you both.
so sorry for your loss. Try not to rush any decisions and ask for help, keep talking to those around you.

I'm so sorry to hear this - I haven't experienced this from your point of view, but I have from your son's. My father died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was nine.

This was a long, long time ago - I don't think children usually went to funerals then. I certainly wasn't taken. Consequently I couldn't believe he had gone for good - for months I thought everyone was playing a horrible practical joke on me.

I know I would have been very upset but I still mourn and resent the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye.

I’m so sorry. That’s the saddest thing. X

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m almost 2 years since my amazing husband suddenly passed away in his early thirties. I promise you’re going to be ok, it’s a bloody hard road you’re facing though but you’ll get through it. Highly recommend joining WAY.

Sorry for your loss.

I found the bereavement counsellors at the local hospice very helpful where the children were concerned.

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP, what a horrible shock for you both - sending you hugs.

Thirding the recommendation for Winston's Wish, a charity who support grieving children - they do amazing work. https://winstonswish.org/
💐

Hi,

My husband died suddenly when our children were 1 and 4. I know how absolutely devastating it is, how it feels that everything is over. It isn't. You will survive this. Just try to focus on getting through the next minute, the next hour, just that, at a time. If people want to help you, let them. Give them jobs, let them look after you both. And try to eat. Or at least drink a lot of tea. If you want to message me you can.

Thank you for the replies especially for those who’ve lived it. I’ve told my son, he understands. I have support. But I’m still so broken, I just couldn’t have imagined this would happen. I just woke and he was dead x

What a shock. Give yourself time to process it. It must still feel so unreal. Devastating for you xxx

Oh @imnotgoingtobeok I’m so, so sorry

Everything is absolutely horrendous right now, and the only bit of advice I can offer is don’t look too far ahead. If you can’t deal with a minute in advance then second by second is fine - there is no rule book x

I’m so sorry, I understand the shock and pain you’re in. If you’re on Facebook there are a few grief support groups and you’ve already been signposted to WAY and Winston’s Wish.

Use all the support you can, you are on an incredibly painful path. It’s incredibly tough when you are also helping your children navigate their loss. I’m truly sorry x

Oh love, I'm so sorry.

I have no advice other than look after yourself and your dc. There is literally nothing else as important right now

Have you eaten? I imagine not - do it now - go to the kitchen and get something to eat. It doesn't matter if it's cheese off the block, chocolate biscuits or something more reasonable. While you're there get something to drink.

Rest when you can. Speak to the GP about something to help you sleep. You'll feel more able if you can get some rest.

Enrol friends and family to help - and don't be afraid to ask them to make good their offers of support.

Right - go get something to eat and drink.

I am so sorry for you and your son. I cannot imagine the shock and upset that you feel. I can only suggest that you break the day down into fifteen minute blocks almost - do not really attempt to get through more than fifteen minutes at a time. Everything must be so overwhelming at the moment but you need to try and keep your fluids up, eat something small / sweet if you can face it and consider asking your GP for some sleeping meds.

Don't expect to do anything more than exist - you've done well to inform your son. Have you got friends / family with you? Lean on them all. X

I'm so sorry OP.

I've not been through it, but my friend did. She was a young widow with a young child, also sudden. While you will want to hold your DC close and be there for them always, do give your self time and space to cry and be angry about how unfair it is too. It is 100% ok for DC to see you cry, but you also need times when you can unload all the big emotions you are going to feel.

Sending you a massive hug. My hubby died when our kids were 13 and 14yo. Tbh it doesn't matter the age of the child, they dont process it for years :(

I've just 2 pieces of advice

• dont be strong, cry it out.
• take help from everywhere you can

Life and your DC will pull you through.

I'm so sorry. 😥💜

I can’t sleep it’s 2.30 - we came to a hotel cos DS didn’t want to be at home. I just want to sleep to be away from it for a few hours but I can’t and I’m exhausted

I am so very sorry, @imnotgoingtobeok .

I'm not in exactly the same position as you since I'm older and I don't have children. When my husband died, my GP was aware and phoned to offer me a prescription of sleeping pills for the short term. They did help.

Maybe phone your surgery in the morning?

Sending you huge hugs. 🤗

I lost my OH last year. The widowers subreddit helped me out a lot, many people there are parents too, though it's not all women. There is a discord server too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/

I was also given some meds to help in the very early days so I second the PP who said contact your GP. I got given a couple of boxes of diazepam to get through the early days and the funeral, and again after a year when all the anniversaries were coming up.