To think “neurodivergent” is being used too casually and too often?

[MauveOrca]

Every quirk or preference doesn’t mean you’re ND. I know diagnoses help some people but it feels like it’s now shorthand for anything outside the mainstream. Can we not just have variation without a label?

Parenting…Can’t cope with 9 year old any more….active now…fill your boots.

There is one specific poster who posts multiple threads like that. She seems to have anxiety, and is desperately looking for (non-existent) evidence that her entirely developmentally normal-sounding DD might be neurodiverse. She does indeed post threads which say “DD was playing with her dolls then went off to play with her toy kitchen, might that be ADHD? I said no to sweets and she cried, could that be PDA?”

That is one person with clear MH problems though, not a societal trend.

Uhhuh.
And when I look it will say that the child wakes up 5 minutes early and because of that (and only that) posters are saying the child must be autistic? Right?

I won't go on there and find lots of other things gs listed that can reasonably be considered atypical will I?

I'll literally read the waking up thing and nothing else?

Ok. BRB.

Omg yes. It’s so boring.

Read the parenting aibu pages on this you have a wealth of examples

My million is perfectly safe.

You’ve not read the thread then.

Really?

A wealth of examples of people posting one simple single perfectly normal thing such as my child wakes up 5 minutes early ( as pp claimed) and half of the respondents claim nd?

Thats just so plainly not true that I dont even know what to say to it.

Ok so I’ve just read that thread.

The op says nothing about her child waking up 5 minutes early.

Its a mum who is struggling to cope with her child’s behaviours and is seeking support from her GP.

What is your point?

This one?

cannot cope with my 9 year old anymore. She is the most defiant, aggressive, and argumentative child I've ever met. Her meltdowns began when she was about 2-3 and initially I thought it was the terrible 2s but they continued. I mentioned it to school who found no issues and still don't. She comes home and every evening is filled with demands, screaming, name calling, meltdowns to the point the neighbours must think I don't parent her at all or that she's being seriously abused.
I've punished her, tried reward charts, even tried buying her at times when I'm that overwhelmed and she just jumps from one thing to the next. She could get a sweet from the shop and then she wants the pool filling. Her brain is literally jumping from one thing to the next. It could be absolutely anything. I've tried to identify triggers or identify issues at school but she doesn't like to communicate any anxiety she has, and when she does it's a few days later. Even so, she has friends (she speaks to them on the phone when playing roblox), but she doesn't always understand social cues or identify them. I've been to the doctor who said I have to go through to school who in turn say I have to go to the doctor and I currently have an appointment next week.
It's affecting my other two daughters and my relationship with my partner. We're all treading on eggshells around her and the only time it does stop it when we absolutely blow up which involves putting her in her room, shouting at her or when her elder sister is so fed up she hits her. I'm at my wits end. I don't know if this is ADHD, autism or something else but its certainly not normal behaviour. She just cannot self regulate and I have no idea how to help her anymore. Has anyone else experienced this please and what happened?
Thank you

brilliant response

Ok I was using this as an example not an actual thread lol my word my point was read threads on m every other poster referring to ADHD n autism

Maybe there are more ND people. Maybe they are actually NT and people who think they are NT are the diverse ones?

But its not an example is it? An example would be something thats actually been said not something ridiculous that nobody's ever come close to saying.

Isn't there? It's somebody without a diagnosable, neurodivergent condition. There are many people like that.

It's about time we understood this stuff. So it's a hard NO from me on this.

well like another poster said there is actually no such thing as NT and we're all diverse and have a wide spectrum of different personality types and traits which are all part of being human. Some obviously need help and support in life many do not.

when we’re no longer treated as thick, rude, slow, know-it-alls, failures, burdens, weirdos, victims, inspiration porn, childlike, dangerous, or unemployable, then we can talk about getting rid of labels and just accepting people as they are. Until that time, I’ll hold onto the legal protections afforded to me by my diagnoses, thanks!

other parents of nd children recognise the signs due to their lived experience.

Can you imagine how it feels to go through your entire life feeling like a fish out of water, like everyone else is in some secret club that you haven't been told the rules to, feeling like a failure because you just cannot do the things that everyone else manages to do every day, struggling with depression and anxiety as a result of not coping with normal life...and then finding out that actually it's not because you're an idiot or totally hopeless and stupid, it's because your brain is different and works in a completely different way. It's MASSIVE. Life changing.

You don't sound like a very good friend.

I think people quite like a label nowadays. It’s almost like you’re missing out if you don’t have one. To describe yourself as OCD just because you like things to be tidy is shocking.

That mum talks about how her daughter has age inappropriate meltdowns, struggles with social cues, cannot self regulate, cannot focus and her brain hops from task to task. The child's behaviour is affecting everyone in the house. She wonders if her daughter may have ADHD or ASD.

She absolutely does not say "my child wakes up 5 minutes earlier than other kids so therefore she must be ND".

Firstly, you've misunderstood the term neuro-diverse. It's means a selection of people who are both Neurodivergent and NT.

Secondly, you won't get diagnosed if it doesn't cause a significant impairment. It's part of the diagnostic criteria. Round here you can't even get assessed for adhd unless its severe enough to likely need meds.

What provision are you referring too? Because there simply isn't any for most. Meds for adhd, zilch for asd ime.

That’s been my life. But I’m not ‘neurodiverse’.

I like my own company, hate small talk and am generally reserved.

I’m what used to be called shy.

So then my comment doesn't apply to you, does it? Because I'm not talking about shyness, hating small talk or being reserved.