To think that people are complicit with neglect

[Wierdyperiody]

There's a woman in my community, she is a prolific Facebooker, involved in lots of community activities and attracts a fair amount of praise and attention.

She has two young teenage boys, neither of them attend school or and activities or clubs, one never leaves the house at all and the other only goes out with her occasionally. In conversation she said a they don't get out of bed until near lunchtime and spend most of the day playing computer games.

They are both allegedly autistic, they did go to school and now have home education. The woman is out and about doing her activities for whole days leaving the children at home alone

I spend more than a healthy amount of time thinking about whether this is child neglect and imagine my own DD who is a similar age effectively being housebound, having no outside interaction. It really upsets me. It also upsets me that someone who is neglecting their children is praised and celebrated so much

I did suggest a playdate between my DD and the 12 year old as both like boardgames and had a nice friendship when they were much younger. The woman slammed it down.

Aibu to think this is neglect and there's a whole community of people complicit in this because no one seems to be thinking about these boys being in a top floor flat day after day?

You're obviously just after an anonymous opportunity to slag off this woman. You've got no intention of making any reports because there is nothing to report. You're also completely delusional about how the care system usually works out for teenage boys with SEN.
If you had real concerns you would make some sort of report to someone and let them decide if intervention is needed. So why haven't you?

Nailed it

If you think these children are being neglected why haven’t you done something about it?

are you not complicit too?

A lot of people are doing their best but it still falls short of acceptable.

This is why 'doing one's best' isn't the way to judge whether neglect is occurring.

In order to explain their non-attendance at school maybe?

Or maybe you're still.imagining that one exists?

It's hard to keep up a friendship when a child is taken out of school and the parent actively discourages contact.

I think you should report your concerns OP. Honestly I wouldn’t be happy of someone reported me to SS but I’d be satisfied that children are being protected. I get that autistic kids can present very differently but I actually don’t think screens all day is good for anyone. It’s no doubt easier on the children and their parents but I can’t help but to think there should be at least an occasional trip outside. I’m suspicious of anyone who posts for praise constantly as well.

It’s all very well telling OP to mind her own but how many kids have been harmed because everyone was just “minding their own”.

Which is why OP should report any concerns she has. But isn't for some reason. Make of that what you will.

You seem very focused on the idea that for these boys being stuck inside is limiting their worlds and their interactions.
What if the opposite is true? I have an autistic family member who will barely interact with anyone face to face and doesn’t like to leave his room much (although he does - he attends school and socialises with friends). However, he loves to game, and when he does he interacts with other people more than he ever would in real life. He talks to them, he makes YouTube videos. It has improved his communication skills immeasurably.
He is incredibly uncomfortable interacting face to face. This is how he likes to socialise with others. This isn’t unusual for autistic people, particularly boys. What if your neighbours are the same?

This is absolutely true for so many people. However, biological reality demands that for healthy human development, interaction and coregulation with other humans, we need to be with them, in person. We need the vagal nerve to be doing it's thing. We need to move our bodies daily, we need sunshine and daylight, we need to know how to do basic tasks and keep executive functioning working. Self care for these kids goes out the window because their vagal tone and executive functioning is weak. It's all well low demand parenting and resting from burn out but if kids aren't doing realtime tasks and routines, they aren't exercising those muscles and skills and lose them.

OP if it makes you feel better report and then you need to detach yourself from the situation.

I agree with you but it’s unlikely social services would be interested. She sounds like someone who has decided that having autistic children is her personality and needs constant validation for it. This kind of parenting seems to linked to needing attention and validation on social media. I hate it when people use their children in this way. I have an autistic daughter and would never publicly share her journey or mine.

No all teenagers stuck inside with poor social interaction skills are playing games with like minded peers.
Many are seeking out other socially impaired friends, are viewing unhealthy material, porn, joining forums to discuss this material, joining incel forums or red rooms.
Teenagers need to be monitored, especially Teenagers who aren't NT and easily influenced.
So many parents allow them spend every day indoors and online.

My thoughts too

However, biological reality demands that for healthy human development

You are aware that autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder, right?

No, because other people do not have a responsibility towards the children (outside of teachers/ social workers etc who are directly involved with them, and even then it’s not technically neglect).
If you think they are being neglected but don’t report it do anyone, it may not sit right morally but you are not complicit in neglect.

Other posters have made valid points, but tbh, if I knew these children IRL, I’d be concerned. Never going out, no face-to-face contact with other people-as @cucy says, how will they manage as adults?

As your children previously had playdates, perhaps keep in touch with the Mum and try to find out more? As others have said, perhaps they’re waiting for services.

It still goes for autistic people as well. My autistic son needs social interaction to develop and maintain social skills.

During Covid my (then)15 year old was a hermit he really struggled no one was calling social services once schools re opened he went back but left @ 17 now has a good job so it’s not affects him that much to be inside for long periods on his laptop etc

my current 14 year old is autistic, struggles at school is only in for 3 mornings currently (school hols just now)he has no friends, he doesn’t want to be seen outside really unless we are further away from home - he struggles to communicate and is much younger than his peers developmentally - I have a 15 year old and they are poles apart in social development. There is little support for him or me, school are useless and yes he spends a lot of time indoors ( he used to go out to play etc) so this hasn’t been his whole life, teen years are difficult, more so with the struggles my son is facing and we are working through them. He’s now a big lad and I can’t force him o go outside etc but so glad people think I’m neglecting him. He’s clean, fed and loved and I do my absolute best for him. Have you asked how the boys are op? Asked how the mum is and if she needs anything, it might be she is completely overwhelmed and doesn’t know which way to turn for these boys, who knows. But I think id find out before I leapt to reporting for neglect….

As you'll see from many of my posts, it's likely these children are receiving social interaction.

Not all autistic people can tolerate face to face interaction, especially when forced.

If the OP thinks that autistic people just need to socialise neurotypically or they're not healthy then thats ableism.