Mum to a 2.5 year old…are these feelings normal?

[Unamum]

I adore DS and we have a lot of fun. I get decent breaks from parenting too. But… I find the constant questions and needs so frustrating. I get annoyed at myself for feeling like this as I wish I had more patience. In my head I’m just thinking ‘put the effing sock on’ or ‘Christ alive leave me alone.’

I really struggle with the constant verbal demands and resistance to leaving the house and so on. When he was a baby obviously the needs were even greater but I was fine with that as I was in charge of the situation and just powered through. I could have a tea in peace when he slept and I didn’t have to be ‘on form’ playing or chatting. But with a toddler I find the need to be communicating, chasing, negotiating etc absolutely horrible. I just don’t enjoy it and feel worried that people say you will look back and wish you could go back to this time! Is this as good as it gets?!

Are these feelings normal?! Am I doing something wrong?

I have a 4.5 DD and I have the same frustrations. So following for advice. It’s pretty relentless

You are normal. DS is also normal.

Parenting can be hard. I remember this and I know you don’t want to hear it but I remember it so fondly. Currently have two older teens with a lot of problems. I have so little control now. The control just gets less.
I get it though

I loved that age but I struggled with the newborn stage, everyone finds different bits harder or less enjoyable I think. Things will change again soon, you aren’t doing anything wrong.

I always said I would answer any questions. I love my 3 year old to learn and question things. A few months ago I was fine answering 20 questions in a row, they were inquisitive and she was learning. Fast forward and now she's asking "what are you doing", "why have we stopped driving" 30 times in a row. It's breaking me. Yesterday I was tidying up and she asked 20 times what I was doing with the same answer every time. I'm ashamed to say I'm starting to snap and get frustrated. You are not alone xx

I'm sad to say I feel the same alot of the time, I honestly don't think most people are actually cut out to be parents

@MadeofCheeese yes this is exactly how I feel! I had this idea I would be really keen to engage with it all but it’s so bloody tiring. I feel like I’m going mad sometimes. Driving back from nursery ‘what you doing mummy’ over and over. I just hate it so much. I feel this sense of being trapped and controlled even though I know he’s not trying to make me feel like that!

Do you put music on for him in the car to reduce the questions? I’d put nursery rhymes on and we’d sing along.
Plus, it’s ok to say no more questions when you’ve had enough, or sometimes I’d say one more question then that’s it.

Yes, very normal, I’d say. I think there is an assumption that children get easier as they get older. They sleep better and they may not need nappies changed, but their needs are greater and more complex.

Mine are 7 & 12 and I fairly regularly have to tell them to give me some space. I can’t do constant talking or asking for things or arguing with each other about something inane. It’s the emotional needs and these only get bigger as they grow. My 12 year old is more work than my 7 year old and they are both more work than when they were 2.

That said, in the car for example, it’s fine to say mummy is tired right now and doesn’t feel like chatting, but let’s listen to music or look out the window and try to find a red car (or whatever). It models for them setting a healthy boundary.

Exactly this!

Yes it's gruelling and mentally and emotionally challenging this is why many out source it.

OP you need to try and break up the day , soft play , toddler groups anything that gives you a few moments of peace.
I hated some paid for activities where I expected a few moments break and a patronising helper would be like this is for you to interact and have quality time with your child.
I had quality time all day and night 24/7

OP it does get easier maybe start a thread of help to structure the day .
I was a sahm with no parental help it was tough but ideas on here really helped

I hate the toddler and early years I wish I could skip ages 1-5 and just have a 5yo. It’s soul destroying

Absolutely this!

Toddlers are cute, but also annoying and relentless.

They love you
You are their whole world
Lean in to it and enjoy that someone at this moment in time wants to know all about what you are doing
Talk through your driving - it teaches them
“so we need to turn left, let’s look in the mirrors check for cars behind and cyclists - indicate so other road users know I am intending to turn”

ours used to “help” with washing up - one safe item at a time (mum did glass and sharp utensils) it took hours, they were wet, the chair they were standing on was wet, the floor the chair was standing on was wet, but they were happy thought they had helped they loved the time together I loved the time together

ours are teenagers now and it was known when we had babies, and long before, you only get peace, when they are young and can move about and talk, when they are asleep until they get a bit older and start independent play

our eldest was 41/2 ish when he first went upstairs to play on his own “I felt bereft” ridiculous I know
younger brother was earlier because he had his brother - then they played together

Often when they ask the same question over and over they're trying to make conversation, but don't yet have the skills. You need to control the conversation for them, so for example:

What are you doing?

I'm driving the car home so we can go and have lunch.

What are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

Driving the car

Yes, that right I'm driving the car home so we can have lunch.

Then add in some new information. For example:

Do you know what I did when you were at nursery...I went to see Aunty Janet. She told me that.....etc etc.

When they get stuck in the question loop, they can't get themselves out. You need to teach them how to have a conversation, by not allowing the loop to happen. DO NOT answer the same question over and over (they will sometimes need it twice, but no more), always move the conversation on somewhere else.

When he was a baby obviously the needs were even greater but I was fine with that as I was in charge of the situation and just powered through.

This is something a lot of people struggle with. This specific bit of parenting (them having their own agenda and you no longer being in control) is something that only gets worse as they get older and have more say and more autonomy (although they need you less of course).

For this there is no other option than to try and calm any controlling instincts. That's one that you need to work on at a personality level. Do it now and it'll make what's coming easier.

Totally normal to feel this way. We evolved to live in groups with dozens of other adults and children who would help entertain your child most of the time. Now we're expected to be completely alone with them and feel happy about it!

I'm an autistic introvert with ADHD so I really struggled with this stage with both my kids. Those pictures of tiny houses on remote islands with no other inhabitants became my idea of heaven.

My daughter is 3 in December and I felt bad yesterday because I snapped at her. She just bosses me about all the time! We were rushing to get out the house but she wanted to put the dogs lead and harness on. But she kept fucking about doing other stuff. Every time I picked up the dog harness she’d shout ‘no mummy I want to do it!!’ So I snapped and went ‘well bloody DO it then!’ God it’s relentless. Think she’s struggling because she’s working out her independence and has all these opinions but at the end of the day is only 2. I miss the snuggly newborn stage.

Spare a thought for those who have children who are non verbal and would give anything for their child to communicate with them. Remember your privilege.

Give over.

Your situation being difficult doesn't mean someone else can't complain about their difficult situation.

Aww man im really sorry for you, that sounds so hard. All the same I don’t think it’s fair or relevant to put that post on here, both things can be true that you have a hard time and so does OP for different reasons x

This is such a refreshing post. I feel the same! My son is 4 and whilst we have some lovely, lovely times that I cherish, the unpredictability of his moods etc can make things tricky, I never know when he’ll refuse to do something and have a meltdown over it. And he asks me questions constantly too. It’s exhausting and lovely all rolled into one, and it’s okay to acknowledge that!
i also have a 6 year old, and although we still have a lot of questions, she is at a more predictable/ amenable age and will do things “just because” rather than needing coaxing, bribes, structure etc. enjoying this stage before it all flips back again I’m sure!!

I have teens and I definitely don't wish I could go back to the toddler stage! It was so hard.

It's relentless... and I don't believe anyone who has actually made it through the toddler stages hasn't felt the same at some point. (cue a throng of posters insisting that every minute is a delight😁)
But it does pass (I had 4 children aged 5 and under) and they are flexing their independence muscles and thinking skills all the while.

It's ok to feel frustrated. And it's ok to sometimes go ENOUGH! and pick up the arguing, repetitive little control freaks and just get on with what needs doing, now and again without giving options, or giving long explanations.
And sometimes it's ok to just not answer the same question for the 20th time !

Mine are now adults and I'm doing it all over again with my grandchildren as I'm Granny care. I think I have more patience this time round but even so , sometimes it has to be 'Shoes ON, stop talking!' when we have to get to Nursery on time! (Then again I also work in education so I have a 'teacher's voice' when really needed!)

It gets a bit easier for a few years... then they become teens and return to some caveman like status for a while😂