Mum to a 2.5 year old…are these feelings normal?

[Unamum]

I adore DS and we have a lot of fun. I get decent breaks from parenting too. But… I find the constant questions and needs so frustrating. I get annoyed at myself for feeling like this as I wish I had more patience. In my head I’m just thinking ‘put the effing sock on’ or ‘Christ alive leave me alone.’

I really struggle with the constant verbal demands and resistance to leaving the house and so on. When he was a baby obviously the needs were even greater but I was fine with that as I was in charge of the situation and just powered through. I could have a tea in peace when he slept and I didn’t have to be ‘on form’ playing or chatting. But with a toddler I find the need to be communicating, chasing, negotiating etc absolutely horrible. I just don’t enjoy it and feel worried that people say you will look back and wish you could go back to this time! Is this as good as it gets?!

Are these feelings normal?! Am I doing something wrong?

This is really helpful thank you.

Not even relevant.

If OP is anything like me, there is plenty going on through the day but it’s still endless questions and battles.

My 2.5 wants me to join in with play when we go to play groups or soft play, etc. he has no issues with independent play, he does it at home, it just can’t be assumed going out to places will give you a break. I’m just pointing out it’s not necessarily a case of OP sitting indoors waiting for the day to pass by.

I was going to reply that I've got an almost 3 year old who has zero words. What I wouldn't give to hear mommy never mind a question. Honestly be grateful they're communicating with you, it's torture the other way

This drives me potty as well. My four and a half year old has got better though but still asks me twenty times in as many minutes why we’ve stopped.

I used to love reading with him but I dread it now because of the questions!

Absolutely it is but that doesn’t mean that no one can ever get ground down by the other extreme.

I know that if you posted about what you’ve just said 90% of responses would be compassionate and kind. But using that situation to make someone else feel bad isn’t on.

Yeah I have to agree with this. And I say that as a mum to a VERY vocal and inquisitive three year old who asks about 1500 questions in any one day. Yes it can be annoying sometimes and it’s totally fine to say ‘why don’t you look that up in your own head’ or ‘let’s do two more questions then it’s time to sleep’.

And we all snap sometimes but to wish an entire developmental stage away is a bit sad, as is to ‘dread’ reading with them because of the questions.

also remember that they haven’t developed the ability to converse properly they way they see adults do. So when they ask the same question over and over, or when they ask something they know the answer to they are trying to establish a back and forth question the way they see adults do, they just really haven’t mastered the technique. They’re learning from you, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

A typical reading session with DS (reading Hairy maclary. Various dogs getting stuck in pursuit of a bone 🦴)

’mummy how will he get out?’
’his owner will get him!’
<turn the page>
’mummy how will he get out?’
’remember what I said before?’
’his owner will get him!’
’that’s right.’
’but mummy how will he get out?’

arrghhhhhh

Being a parent is so hard, harder for some more than others. I'd suggest looking back at old pictures and videos because time really does fly and you will miss it one day. My DC is almost 4 and I've honestly struggled so much, but I look back and also think how also time has flown by, even though it didn't seem like it at the time. What is that saying ... "the days are long, but the years are short" 💗

I don’t miss it!

DS is so much lovelier and funnier and nicer at four and a half than at two and a half. I would even say he’s cuter now (he was bald at 2 and looked like a mini Phil Mitchell.)

My little DD is two and I adore her of course but I do not adore this stage and I cannot wait for her to turn three. She isn’t bald but does have a strange thing going on with her fringe. They are both beautiful to me and always will be of course. But I don’t miss age 2 and I resent MN telling me I will, tbh.

Of course they are. Parenting is a mix of joy, frustration, boredom, love, hatred, delight, drudgery and so on. Each ‘phase’ and age brings out different issues struggles and growth. My kids are now 20 and 21. It’s still a mix of the above (not boring though - not since they started school).

I feel this. I find music helps. Sometimes I think they try to fill the silence with questions.

I don't mean nursery rhymes either. Put something on that you like.

My mum still feels like that about me 😂She has tried everything possible to get me to talk less. I have tried so hard, I put in strategies, they don’t work. I think because she is so open about it it has made me extremely socially anxious, whilst I seem confident I worry all the time about having spoken too much or said the wrong thing. My children are the same except they are self confident, I have always enjoyed their vocal exuberance. However if I found the why why why too much I used to suggest they rang a grandparent. I could have a cup of tea and gather my thoughts. Would he do that?

Oh my god, this is so normal! Toddlers are HARD WORK! I found six until ten the golden years - they’re good company, helpful but not yet hormonal and stroppy. You’ll get through it xxxx

No one enjoys getting their toddler dressed and getting out of the house in time. Your feelings are completely normal and valid. I think what people mean is try and enjoy the good moments. Everyone knows how difficult it is.

Oh, you sound like me! As does the OP, and many others on this thread...
I have 4 year old twins and they are relentless, relentless. I love them so much, but sometimes I feel like I've given them every last shred of sanity, patience and energy that I have. And it's still nowhere near enough. I snap at them often, and I hate myself for it. It's hard.

Each stage is different, and lovely in its own way. Some of them are also really hard work! It's normal, don't worry. There are always things that are great and things that are not. We all just do our best x

I didn’t enjoy that age either and, overall, think that motherhood is very tough.

It’s normal.. and it get worse.. hang in there and try as much as you can to get “me” time and to drive the narrative instead of letting your child lead all the time x

I haven't read the whole thread so others might've said the same but I'm finding age 3 soooo much easier than 2.
We can have so much more interesting conversations and she's a lot less unreasonable

Well I don’t have any children at all, so I hope to god you’ve never once articulated that you have experienced some sort of difficulty or negative emotion for having a SEN child - remember your privilege of having children at all.

Oh superb, I mean, she already felt guilty but now here’s someone who’s going to help by piling more on! Hooray!

Tell me, when you’re feeling guilty does that help you problem solve or regulate your emotions? No it fucking doesn’t does it? It just makes a bad thing worse. Do you also tell uncomfortable pregnant women ‘oh you think you’re tired now? Just wait!’? Do we tell our loved ones who’ve got a bad back that they should feel grateful that they can feel pain because there are quadriplegics who would just LOVE to have a sore back? Ah hang on - are you an ‘eat your dinner, there are children starving in Africa’ person?

Just stop.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 4.5 year old and I feel everything you said. Some days I look forward to bed time (and as neither can tell the time yet occasionally bring it forward an hour 🙈) but we have good days too where we’ll stay out playing in the garden after bedtime. I’m also not completely against a bit of screen time to give me 10 minutes of no questions/tantrums/fighting.

I say this gently because I work with people who have this agony - but I also work with parents who have a non speaking child AND verbally able children and the lived experience of having a child who doesn’t use spoken language to communicate doesn’t stop them wanting to pull their own ears off with their other kids at times!

It’s so normal and you’ll get through it. I didn’t like my DS at age 2 at all. I loved him, but it was hell. He’s the reason he has no siblings!