Dog and baby; not sure what to do for the best

[Hellskitchen24]

I’ll try and keep this short.

7 week old newborn baby and almost 10 year old dog (large breed, German Shepherd). I’ve had the dog since was a puppy. Long story short, she’s not really adapted to the baby in the way I’ve hoped, in fact quite the opposite.

Dog and baby are kept separate at all times. I have a very robust room divider. And various doors/gates.

The dog generally ignores the baby in my arms when I’m standing or sitting with her. In fact I would say she actively avoids us. It’s when the baby cries she’s interested. If the baby is on the sofa next to me and moving around, particularly if she starts crying, the dog will hard stare at her (through the gate; the room is divided with the gate). She has also tried to jump towards myself and the baby when putting her into the pram. And has also tried hard pressing her muzzle up against the pram trying to see what is inside it.

Basically, my instinct is telling me I don’t trust her. This is manageable while the baby is immobile but I’m concerned for when the baby starts moving. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

Basically, my instinct is telling me I don’t trust her.

Well no, of course don’t trust a dog around a baby. A German shepherd could probably jump over a baby gate anyway? I wouldn’t be able to relax in my own home, so I personally would look to get rid of the dog, as you’re obviously not going to get rid of the baby. I understand the dog is a family member though and have had her so long. But things change. Perhaps there’s someone close to you who would adopt the dog and you could still see her a lot?

I wouldn’t have a baby around a German shepherd if it hadn’t taken to the baby. There’s no way I’d have them living in the same house.

Get a behaviourist in. Without being there to rad the dogs body language it’s hard to say but none of the things you’ve said have made me immediately say that the dog cannot be round the baby in a sensible and controlled way.
No dog and baby should be left together or assumed to be safe, but you do need to let your dog be inquisitive and learn to relax around them. Teach your dog to sit in its bed when you are feeding the baby etc, make sure its commands are strong. I used to sit and feed the baby and practice training (sit, bed, wait) etc. so she got used to me holding the baby whilst positive things were happening. Getting a behaviourist involved will help you
do that safely or identify if there really is an issue. Don’t forget she’s your first ‘baby’ and has probably been the centre of your old for ten years. This change is huge for her and she is going to need help to adjust - not just a gate separating her from you.

Commenting as I recently rehomed our large dog due to her starting with issues like this and then showing protective tendencies towards me but aimed at my DD (not a baby). We did training, watched videos, followed all advice we could find. Kept them as separate as possible. But when the dog lunged at my daughter for no real reason she had to go, I got someone to take her temporarily that day and my partner then spent weeks trying to find a suitable home. Even though I don't think she would ever have harmed her I could never take the risk. The dog has ended up with a lovely woman, it cost us a fortune driving back and forth hundreds of miles and staying in air bnb's while we made sure the new place was suitable, but we couldnt just give her to anyone. Plus what you will find with a large breed is most people wont want them, or if they do its for nefarious reasons. Others I know in this situation who have kept their dog have basically kept them separate indefinitely. It's up to you what you think is best

I have a really tall (4ft? Maybe more) fixed room divider from Safetots. Basically a giant baby gate. The dog is fairly old and not the most athletic in that respect so no danger of her jumping it.

That’s good. But what about her lunging at the baby on the sofa/in the pram? 😵‍💫 stressful!

She can’t get to the sofa, it’s fenced off behind the gate. The pram thing I haven’t done since and lock her away when transferring the baby. It is stressful, hence having to possibly make some difficult decisions 😩

This is my concern.

I cant imagine keeping them separate permanently though. I already feel like a bit of a prisoner in my own home because of the dog. The dog is extremely healthy still and may go on for another 4 years or more. That’s a very long time 😩

I completely get feeling like a prisoner in your own home due to it. Ours was only a few years old so the thought of at least another 10 years living like we where was also a factor in the rehoming. If i'm honest I think even without the lunging we may have ended up getting to the point of having to rehome her. I felt very guilty and ashamed at even the thought, which is why we put so much time, effort and expense into the training. I kept making excuses as to why she was behaving this way towards my daughter. If I am honest I think she was jealous any time my daughter was in close proximity to me and wanted to "warn" her just to get her out the way. It caused issues between me and my partner aswell but the home ended up not feeling like a safe place for my youngest like it should, she was wary of the dog. My eldest and my partner she was fine with. Just my poor daughter, who wanted her so much to love her and play with her but she would only do it when I wasn't around, when I was I was the dogs sole focus. She was such a lovely dog, but I think we just ended up not being a match for her

I’d really recommend getting a behaviourist/trainer in to observe and give some advice before you start thinking about rehoming. It’s really quite normal for dogs to be interested/concerned at the sound of a baby crying- it’s loud for us but is even louder for them. A qualified trainer can assess the current behaviour and provide some guidance to getting to the point of co-existing.

Don’t get me wrong you can never trust any dog 100% with a baby or child unsupervised. We have a 4 year old Labrador and a 15 month old, he absolutely adores my daughter, is the most gentle giant with her and the bond they have is beautiful, I could watch them play together all day- but even still I wouldn’t leave them alone together and I could never day I implicitly trust him.

Ah this is sad but unfortunately it seems there’s only one option to protect both the baby and the dog and that’s to re-home the dog to an adult-only home and be very honest with your reasons as to why you’re re-homing the dog.
You know the worst case scenario is you could lose the baby and the dog would be destroyed.
A large dog breed showing those signs towards my baby wouldn’t be around it for much longer.

An adult American Akita bit my daughter on the face when she was 7 with absolutely no provocation other than my daughter kissed me on the cheek whilst the dog was on the floor and we think the dog reacted out of some sort of jealousy or protection.
The bite was recorded on an indoor camera and shown to the Dogs Home as evidence it wasn’t provoked.

Your dog will be safer living out its years somewhere else rather than allowing the dog to continue to be on high alert around a vulnerable infant.
Good luck to you x

I would also say re-home the dog. We had a similar situation with a rescue cross-bred large dog. We didn't know his history and didn't ever have him in the same room as baby. We rehomed him with an older couple who didn't want a puppy/young dog and it worked out well. Good luck

I agree with this.

I also agree with this.

I think it's important you bring in a behaviourist to observe your dog's behaviour before making any major decisions about your dog's future.

This. Surely it's normal for your dog to be interested in anyone else in your home. The dog has had you to itself for years and it will have to learn to share you, just like an older toddler would. Always keep them separated and there should be no problem. When baby is in pram take dog for walk with baby in pram so dog sees it is not being left while you deal with baby all the time. You might find it your DH can look after baby for an hour you take fog out and make a big fuss of it. Also when baby in bed focus on giving dog lots of attention. Over time the dog might get used to baby. I had a friend we hos dog was jealous of her baby but by the time baby was 6 months the dog was used to baby and recognised it as a family member and snoozed. Never leave any dog alone with a baby.

100% get a pet behaviourist In. You could be an anxious first time mum who is reading her body language incorrectly or you could be right.

Either way it would be best to have a professional opinion so you have peace of mind that you’re making the right decision.

A family member of mine had a similar issue with their small terrier dog when their first child was born.

The dog didn’t take to the baby from the start and got increasingly jealous of the baby. The last straw for my family member was when the dog slipped through the safety gates, and they found it in the baby’s room growling at the baby while the baby was sleeping quietly in her cot.

They re homed the dog after that.

I probably should try and get a behaviourist or trainer to assess her. On the one hand my protective mothering instincts are so strong. On the other I’ve had the dog for a decade so feel I owe it to her to persist for longer. I just don’t see her adapting though realistically.

I’m just struggling to understand fully what it is that has you so worried, the dog is watching your baby when crying- that’s really normal. It’s so loud for them, it’s normal for them to watch/want to be close. Our dog even now is the first to hear my daughter stir in her room and wakes us up to go to her, he’s not aggressive at all.

Trying to see whats in the pram- also can be totally normal, curiosity thing, not necessarily a concern. Our moses basket had a mesh side and our dog often used to watch baby through there, he was curious about the new tiny loud human, again very normal.

Jumping up when putting baby in the pram, could be saying hello & be something you can train.

Nothing you’ve said screams omg aggressive rehome now for a dog you’ve had for 10 years. If you just can’t be bothered to have both of them then you can of course rehome if you want to, I can’t stop you. But if you want to make it work it would really be premature to write it off before even having a trainer or behaviourist come to help. Surely after 10 years the dog is worth that effort?

To be completely honest it does sound like you've already made your mind up on this issue.

Baby's utmost safety at all times trumps the dog. I would get rid of it now. The earlier you do it, the better. Don't rush it and give him to a shit family or shelter because you've left it so late the situation becomes unbearable.

I don’t think you have time to get in a behaviour therapist for your dog. No matter how careful you are, there is always the chance that something unexpected will happen that will completely throw you and a gate will be left open.
Personally I have no idea why people have dogs and babies at the same time.

I realise it’s totally different but my cat is obsessed with the sound of young babies crying. It’s bizarre, she’s not really a ‘people’ cat but a baby crying and she’s in there in a hot second trying to… I don’t even know. Help? All I’m saying is if your dog hasn’t heard a baby crying before you don’t know what they think it is, and it might take a minute for the dog to learn. I second the behaviourist idea, tho obvs also agree that no dog is ever 100% baby safe.

Baby trumps dog.

instinct trumps all.

i have many dogs, and many babies.

from that perspective, the dog appears to be doing the correct thing when baby is out the pram? Yet is interested at the pram. So it looks like dog is associating pram with a walk?

that said, it’s. It worth the risk and the fact you are posting says that.

Sorry posted to soon.

the crying is different. The dog is bound to be interested at the crying. If all she is doing is coming across to the gate, which is there for a reason that wouldn’t worry me.

the point is you can’t manage this when it’s already worrying you. Was dog always shut away.

how much has dogs life changed. Did you start that before baby came.

ultimately though it doesn’t matter because baby comes first.