To bury him under the patio

[Sadmummy3]

I'm not actually going to bury DH under the patio (or maybe I will depending on poll results) but I'm tempted.
I can not cope with another night of broken sleep. He snores so loudly. You can hear him anywhere in the house. The kids hear him and I'm surprised that neighbours don't complain. We're semi detached so they must hear, even though our bed is as far away from connecting wall as possible.
I have to be fair. He's tried different snoring aids but they don't work. Sleep clinic have said it's sleep apnea and given him one of those machines but even that doesn't work properly ( he always removes it at some point in the night although he claims he doesn't remember doing so). So he will still wake me up at some point.
No family I can stay with and even booking in to a B&B won't work because we have a DS with additional needs and DH leaves early for work.
His work is so flexible. People actually do phone up in the morning and say they're taking holiday. Last night I asked if he would go in a bit later if I was awake in the night, not the whole day just an hour and a half so he could take DS to school and I could sleep a bit.
Last night he said I'll see, this morning it was no.
I can't sleep after I take DS to school as he's only there 90 minutes.
I'm so fed up. I feel ill all the time because I don't sleep properly. Even when DH gets home I can't nap as he struggles with DS on his own.
So I don't know. Perhaps I should bury him under the patio or is that unreasonable.

This

I really wish people would stop saying this! The burying under the patio thing. I do get that it’s dark humour and not literally intended but having been the victim of domestic abuse and genuinely frightened that my (now ex) husband would murder me at some point I hate this being said even in jest. And feel like people would feel very differently about this being said even in jest if it was men saying it about their wives.

The only thing that worked for me was silicon earplugs (broken in half as they’re too big otherwise) then a musicozy headband over the top playing white noise.
If you can feel him vibrating through the mattress maybe look at replacing with two single beds as well.

Honestly that's awful and I'm sorry you went through it. There's a lot on MN that can be triggering. If you see a title like this one you can hide it from view instead of opening it and reading it. I've had to do that at times for different reasons.

The only solution to this is separate bedrooms.

Have seen the sleep apnea diagnosis @Sadmummy3 but have they also ruled out any issues with his nose? DH was a terrible snorer and GP was going down the apnea route (even though he didn’t have associated conditions) but we badgered for an ENT referral and turned out the snoring was being caused by him being physically unable to breathe through his nose while lying down. One small nose op later, he’s a changed man and I’m sleeping like a baby.

What struck me was that you say dh struggles to cope with ds alone.
Well he needs to learn to cope. Take yourself off when he gets in from work telling him you are exhausted after being kept awake by his snoring. Go and lie down, read, go on mumsnet! Anything but get some you time. Then wake him him when he snores. Make it his problem to solve.

This is terrible advice.

Everyone knows you'll need a pickaxe to breakup the hardcore after it's been compressed.

It’s too difficult to start digging now. You need to wait until it has rained substantially.

Failing that, one of those mosquito zapping racquets applied to his testicles every time he wakes you up might help

My husband is the same (hospital have him a c-pap machines but he kept taking it off in his sleep) and now uses special mouth tape and nasal strips (which open up his nasal passages) and this combined generally seems to work. I think he buys them from Amazon. The mouth strips are black and the nasal tape are plaster coloured. He says he can feel the difference in his throat the next day after when he wears them - it's all to do with breathing properly through the nose, not the mouth. We used to sleep separately as it was disturbing my sleep so much

The trouble is separate rooms wouldn't work even if we had a spare room because you can hear him everywhere. I'm going to invest in some ear plugs and nag him to go back to the sleep clinic because I'm so desperate for a decent night sleep.
I do go to bed early and he'll often come up thinking I'm saying let's have sex. He's nearly always disappointed because I'm too tired. His snoring has got worse once I was asleep it never used to wake me but now even if I go to sleep before him he wakes me up. He's not overweight and he does drink but not every night, usually just weekends and it doesn't seem to matter if he's been drinking or not.
With regards to DS , his needs are complex and because I'm a SAHM I obviously deal with DS and know what calms him whereas DH gets frustrated.
I'm hoping to persuade DH to stay at his brother's tomorrow night, they're going on a friend's stag do so will probably all be snoring and I can sleep.
Funnily enough DD has just come downstairs moaning that her dad's snoring was really bad last night. I said don't tell me, tell your dad. Maybe if we all nag him he'll do something about it

🤣 might do this instead

My husband had sleep apnea. He saw a private ENT doctor after the GP thought it was to do with his nostrils. They said his tonsils were too large and he had them removed. Instant fix. I know that's probably unusual but must be the case for some men. He has started snoring again now and again if he lies on his back but the apnea has gone.

It's perfect camping weather at the moment and people are always wanting to get rid of tents on local Facebook pages. Stick it up in the garden for a week and you get first dibs on either the bed or the tent.

Try this

https://www.iqoro.com/what-is-iqoro/

I have a similar problem - I've tried many ear plugs and have found these to be the best. Still need the occasional elbow in the ribs to get them to roll over though. www.amazon.co.uk/3MTM-RTM-Classic-Ear-Plugs/dp/B019YMITCU/ref=pd_sim_d_sccl_3_1/259-8258726-8264769?

Obviously I'm suffering from SOH failure, but I don't find joking about DV funny.

I second trying snorban mouthguard. My partner sounded like a jackhammer. Even on boozy boys trips he was banished to the sofa. After trying everything we could find, I was getting desperate. But snorban for him has been a game changer, combined with silicone earplugs for me. I very rarely decamp to the spare room these days!

Loop earplugs have been a game changer for me. I was at the end of my tether with my snoring husband too. He didn’t believe just how loud he was until I recorded him. Absolutely dreadful. Add in peri sleep issues and I was on my knees. So in a fit of fury I forked out more than I should have done on some Loop earplugs. First time I tried them I didn’t like them at all. But I persevered and now I hardly feel them but wow, they make a huge difference. In fact one night I had to touch my husband to check he was still breathing it cut out so much noise.

Which ones do you use?

Leave your dh to sort your ds. Let him struggle as it’s the only way he will learn

then go to bed and leave him to it

at night Imwould tell dh he is sleeping on the couch, wear earplugs in the bedroom and try and sleep

You have my sympathy OP.

Me and DH have had separate bedrooms for 2.5 years for this very reason!

We live in a 3 storey house with him being on the bottom floor, I’m on the middle and the children are on the third. As the children are two floors above him they thankfully can’t hear him, whereas I still can. I have to fall asleep to the noise of the TV each night because if my room is silent all I can hear is him snoring from the floor below.

He hates having separate rooms but he won’t go to the GP about it either.

But he can whinge all he likes as I am not sacrificing my sleep.

Why can't he book into a B&B?

What does he say when you raise with him that you are miserable, exhausted and your health is suffering?

I bought the Quiet 2 Plus. Cost £35 including postage. You need to try the different sized earbud fittings to get the right fit and also twist them one they’re in so you get the sound sealed out (they have a video that shows you have to do this, it’s v easy). You might need to give them a try for a couple of night to get used to the feeling of them but honestly, I love them.