Non-binary teacher?

[Thompson198]

Name change.
I’ve got a 5 year old daughter due to go into year 2 in September. We’ve just been told that the teacher for next year is a non-binary/‘non-gender-conforming’ man who wants to be referred to by ‘Mx’ (pronounced mix) and they/them pronouns.
Quite a few of the parents have already complained and started looking for other places at local schools because of this.
what do you think?
My daughter has SEN and is one of the youngest in her class, I worry how she’s going to be able to keep up with the pronouns and understand this without us having to teach her about gender ideology at her age. My husband is extremely against teaching her gender ideology, especially so young, I’m not the most positive about it either but don’t feel as strongly as him. He also doesn’t want her being at the school in September but they have been very supportive for her so far and I’m concerned it might not be the same elsewhere.
Thoughts? How would you feel if this was your child’s teacher?

Why not? I thought gender was a social construct not to be confused with biological sex?

No point being precious about this regardless of your views. People becoming gender neutral is more and more common. Perhaps, if we introduce the concept in the early years folk will be more tolerant of other people’s views.

Live and let live for goodness sake!

Absolute nonsense. Mrs/Miss/Ms is a total false equivalence as all refer to females.

I wouldn't move my child from a supportive school she is settled in, over this.

It's not transphobic to resist pandering to something that is unnecessary. If it doesn't affect their teaching, why is it necessary to be addressed differently? It's all just prissy pisstaking, pushing because they know they can.

Did you mean “Can they teach?”

And therein lies the problem.

Tell her his nickname is Mix & that’s what he likes to be called. I wouldn’t go into the pronouns because she doesn’t need to use them when speaking to him.

I would raise concerns about how he will be explaining this to the children on the first day of school though. I would not be happy that the first thing they will learn is about gender ideology. Although most of the children won’t have a clue what a pronoun is either, so good luck with that one!

This wouldn't be a problem for me. I bet they will be an amazing teacher

So we should tell children it’s a man who pretends he isn’t a man?

I would really not be keen. But moving schools is extreme. Speak to the head. Ask what to say when your child asks the following questions…which they will. I have a child in the same year, and this week they have learned the words vagina, penis, vulva and nipples. They are extremely intrigued and somewhat tickled by these new words.

My child would ask…

Is Mx a man or a woman?
So does that mean they changed?
Do they have a Willy still?
Do they fancy boys or girls?
Is it ok to not be a boy or girl then?
Can I change?

I think I’m reasonably intelligent, although perhaps ignorant on these matters. I don’t know anyone non binary, gender fluid, trans so my terminology is not up to speed. But I don’t know how to answer these questions, I just don’t. I don’t particularly want to be addressing them either. The school is going to have to support parents with this.

That’s not the issue, the issue is opening the conversation with a child who doesn’t yet have the understanding of what it means to be non-binary. I’m not sure where I stand on the OP’s situation but I can see it’s not just “common courtesy”.

Mumsnet really isn't the place to look for a balanced view on this. It's the home of those who will prioritise their GC opinions over everything else (and I speak as someone who's also GC, but less fanatical about it).

You have a child with special needs. The gender identification of her teacher is way down the list of things that are important right now. Her being in a supportive school, where she is settled and happy and has a friendship group, is key.
Don't let her wellbeing be overlooked, and bear on mine that most people responding on this thread will have come over from the GC branch to froth over this teacher, rather than consider your daughter's needs.

This is the more concerning side to this

Except this teacher is not trans. And concerns about gender affirming ideology is not ‘transphobic’. Shame you ‘don’t care’ about such toxic ideology in classrooms. You should.

But what about the TA or other teachers when the DC is talking to them?
Eg
Miss, Mx ECT said to tell you he is ready to do lunch line up now.

Does Miss say 'thank you' or will she have been told to correct the use of 'he'?

Weird comment. On what basis?

This is my thinking. I don't even know how to pronounce Mx. Children shouldn't have to deal with this.

No we should tell children they are gender neutral because that’s their choice. The birds will not fall out of the sky, and your child will be completely fine.

My son has a teacher who is a Mx. They’re a kind and good person and seem genuinely fond of my son. I am privately a bit eye-rolly but you know what, there are many things in this world I don’t understand or care for, but it doesn’t make me think less of those who feel it is important to them or have any impact on how they do their job.

And my kid is going to have to show respect to adults in the workplace whether he understands the etiquette or not (and at his age, everything is new to him anyway), so it’s just one more learning for him and not out of the ordinary.

Hi OP,
It sounds like your daughter’s school has been really supportive with her SEN needs so far, and that’s not something to take lightly — good support, especially in the early years, can make a massive difference.
I think a lot of parents would feel unsure when suddenly faced with something unfamiliar like this. Wanting to protect your daughter from anything confusing or inappropriate for her age is completely natural. But I also think it’s worth considering that children this age are incredibly open-minded and often more adaptable than we give them credit for. They tend to take things at face value. If a teacher is introduced as Mx and uses "they/them" pronouns, most kids will just accept it the same way they accept that some people wear glasses or have different names. It doesn’t need to be a deep dive into gender theory — just a gentle “some people don’t feel like a man or a woman, and that’s okay” is often enough.
It’s important that you’re both on the same page when it comes to your daughter’s upbringing. But if the school is a good one, and she’s happy and well supported there, I’d be wary of disrupting that over something that might actually turn out to be quite a non-issue for the kids.
Ultimately, this could be a chance for the class to learn about respecting people who are a bit different — something that might help make the next generation a bit kinder and less judgmental. That’s not a bad thing to grow up with. And at the end of the day, what matters most is how safe, supported, and encouraged your daughter feels — and it sounds like this school has been doing well by her so far.
Just my two pence — hope you find a solution that works for your family. It’s not always easy navigating these things as a parent.

Ms is a female who doesn't want to identify herself based on marital status.
Mx is a man denying he's a man.
See the difference?

But do you object to a married woman asking to be called Ms?
That is simply “marital status neutral”.

I’d pull her out and send her elsewhere.

Nobody is becoming gender neutral. It is made up bollox based on cultural gender stereotypes. Everyone is male or female with a personality.

Yes, you can be tolerant of other people’s views and beliefs but you don’t have to affirm them or believe them yourself.

I’d be mighty suspicious of a teacher where the first thing you hear about them is that they hold some batshit belief that everyone is expected to go along with.

I worked at a school once with a non binary teaching assistant although he wasn't there on the days I worked. The children called him by his first name. They were a bit older but young children don't tend to overthink these things, it's adults that do that.
It wouldn't put me off the school if you otherwise like it.